Dear Auntie Agni,
I am a 25-year-old woman with no interest in studies. I passed my intermediate in 2014 and, since 2015, I have been trying hard to complete my graduation, but I can’t. When I see people around me, everyone is working after graduation. But I still have nothing to do, which makes me feel depressed, hopeless, and useless.
I want to do something in my life, but I don’t know how and what to do. My younger sister, who passed her Masters last year, is doing CSS now. My father always compares me with my younger sister and criticises me, which I can’t tolerate. I am a different girl with different dreams. I want to learn how to ride a bike and drive a car. I want to fulfill my dreams, but I don’t have much money.
I also have a second problem which is that I am socially alone and don’t have friends. Maybe I don’t have an attractive personality. I feel so alone. I love outings, but because I have nobody to go with, I never go anywhere. I don’t know what to do.
Dear Waiting Endlessly,
Seems like you are sitting around, twiddling your thumbs and waiting for life to happen to you. You say you are a ‘different girl with different dreams’. However, while riding a bike and learning to drive a car can be part of your dream, they cannot be the pinnacle of your achievement. These are important life skills to have unless, of course, you are planning to become a professional cyclist or a driver, in which case they will become your profession.
‘I feel depressed, hopeless and useless’
You say you have no interest in studies, yet I have a hard time believing that you ‘tried hard’ to complete your graduation. You haven’t tried hard, simply because you are not interested.
People who don’t want to pursue higher education should be very clear about what else they want to do with their lives. If there is a skill you want to learn or if you have any other serious interests, start focusing on that and figure out how to monetise it. This can be anything, from make-up and hair to coding, to cooking to becoming a YouTuber, and everything in between.
Pick one and do it only if you are absolutely sure that’s what you want to do, because you are going to turn your interest and skill into a business and live with it, at least for some time. It is only when you are super sure about what to do with your life, that you are allowed to skip getting a degree. If you have any doubts about this, please apply yourself (give it your best!), finish your degree, and find yourself a job.
Sometimes when we pursue an interest instead of going for a safe degree, that path can open up other doors for us. So don’t overthink it, because that can also be a deterrent. Once you decide which path to pursue, give it your all. Tell yourself that you have to make something of it, whether it is the degree-job path or the entrepreneurship path. At this point, accept your position in life. You can’t keep looking at others and compare yourself to them. That will only hold you back.
As for friends, often we have to make the first move towards people, instead of waiting for them to approach us. Next time you like someone, introduce yourself and move a potential friendship forward.
You cannot keep waiting for things to happen to you. You have to make them happen.
Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, October 10th, 2021