Dear Auntie, 
I am an 18-year-old teenage girl and studying in A-levels. I used to have a boyfriend who was more caring than any other guy I know and he loved me wholeheartedly. We stayed in a relationship for about three years but we had to break up because of family issues and I completely stopped talking to him.

I can bet he still loves me and even I do, but I don’t know what to do because I can’t make my parents upset. He has a pure heart, but maybe not an inspiring personality and my parents want everything to be perfect. I am soon to be a doctor but he is not that intelligent. What should I do? I can’t forget all the moments we spent together. 
Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,
You are studying for your A-levels right now and, if you are aspiring to be a doctor, you still have a while to go before you can think about settling down with someone. At the same time, it is normal to have a lot of emotions for a special someone. Despite this, at this stage in your life, it is important that you think about your future. You have a promising career as a doctor ahead of you and it would be a shame to get distracted from that.

‘How can I forget my ex and move on?’

Do not suppress your feelings for this boy. In fact, acknowledge to yourself that you have strong feelings for your ex. I am not sure about when you broke up, but break-ups are rough and it takes people time to get over a special someone. So be kind to yourself and give yourself sometime to feel better. At the same time, you might want to work on lessening your feelings for this boy. You can work on your feelings in a healthy way. One way to do that is to cry about what happened. If that’s what you want to do, let it out when you are alone or in front of someone you trust. If you want to rant to a trusted someone, do that. Can’t trust anyone? Write out all your emotions and then destroy the document.

 At the same time, keep yourself focused on your life plan. People come and go from our lives and many can be unreliable. As you grow older, you will see that life takes interesting turns and people who were once important, don’t remain so and vice versa.

The only person you can truly count on is yourself. You will always be true to yourself and have your best interests at heart. So it pays to focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Focus on creating your best life. Study hard and stay focused on becoming a doctor, pick up a hobby that you enjoy, get to know other people and make new friends. This is the time to work on your career and your future.

At the same time, keep yourself focused on your life plan. People come and go from our lives and many can be unreliable. As you grow older you will see that life takes interesting turns and people who were once important, don’t remain so and vice versa.

You haven’t mentioned what family issues the two of you faced, but I am assuming that your parents didn’t approve of your relationship. I am guessing, probably because both of you are so young. Even if you started a relationship with an incredibly inspiring and promising boy at the age of 15, if I were your parent I would still disapprove. Fifteen is just too young to commit to anyone for life. You are still finding your way in the world.

I am not saying you should give up hopes of ever settling down with your ex. It is just better to avoid committing to someone at such a young age. You have a lot of life ahead of you and you will meet a lot of people as you go along in the world. So focus on living it to the fullest and, if you are meant to come together with your ex at some point down the road, it will happen.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, February 7th, 2021