Invest in positive relationships at work

Research shows that we find our jobs more fulfilling when we have positive relationships with the people we work with. This isn’t something that will happen on its own, so be purposeful and systematic about it. For example, you could organise a social event with your colleagues to get to know one another better. Or, you could offer to help a new or younger employee navigate the company as they settle in. Or, you could consider what you don’t know about the co-workers you see every day — What motivates them? Why did they join the company? What do they hope to accomplish in the future? — And set aside time to find out. Even a mundane job can be meaningful if you do it alongside people you care about and connect with.

(Adapted from “To Find Meaning in Your Work, Change How You Think About It,” by John Coleman.)

When to express emotions

When a disagreement with a colleague gets heated, it’s normal to feel all sorts of emotions: disappointment, anger, or frustration, for example. But should you express what you’re feeling? It depends. If you’re experiencing what psychologists call a hot emotion — one that comes with an urgent sense of entitlement or even revenge (“I have to tell him exactly how I feel!”), it’s better to find a way to calm down first. If the emotion is cold, meaning you can control it and use it to help the situation (“I want to tell him how I feel so that he’ll understand my perspective”), then it’s probably OK to express it. But don’t just name the emotion; explain what’s causing it. Telling someone you’re angry is less helpful than sharing that you’re disappointed they didn’t follow through on their commitment to you.

(Adapted from “Should You Share Your Feelings During a Work Conflict?,” by Susan David.)

Stay relevant by asking a younger colleague

It will happen to all of us someday: A younger generation enters the workforce and becomes the most sought-after consumers, and the rest of us feel left behind. One way to keep up is to ask a younger colleague to mentor you. This is especially important when it comes to technology, since the best tools for the job may be ones you haven’t heard about. Ask your younger mentor what trends they’re noticing and what new technologies they’re experimenting with. Your junior co-worker can also help you avoid dating yourself. It’s easy for older workers to start saying things like, “Back in my day…,” but that will make you seem less relevant. Ask your mentor to point out when you’re referring to the past too often. It’s better for someone you trust to mention it than for customers or colleagues to secretly think it.

(Adapted from “Why a Gen-X CEO Hired a Millennial to Help Him Keep a Learning Mindset,” by John Barrows.)

Reduce distractions

Stress and distraction can form a dangerous cycle. When we can’t focus at work, we often feel stressed about not being productive — which causes us to focus even less. You can break this cycle by using self-awareness. Pay attention to what’s going on the next time you get distracted: Are you bored by what you’re doing? Pulled away by a ringing phone? Also, notice how you feel: Are you anxious because you can’t remember an important detail during a high-stakes presentation? Do you feel tense because you’re trying to find just the right words for an important email? Your answers to these questions will help you pinpoint the source of your distractions. Before you can take steps to reduce your stress, you have to understand the underlying cause of the problems.

(Adapted from “Break the Cycle of Stress and Distraction by Using Your Emotional Intelligence,” by Kandi Wiens.)

Resolve a turf war

If you and a colleague are in a tug-of-war over who owns a project or who gets to decide how to use your team’s budget, you might feel frustrated or threatened. But getting angry won’t help you reach a resolution. Forget the win-lose paradigm; approach the situation by focusing on a common goal. Try to show the other person that you’re open-minded and that you want what’s best for the organisation (and make sure that’s true). And don’t think of the colleague as your mortal enemy, tempting as that may be. Chances are they aren’t out to get you — sometimes people’s responsibilities simply conflict. Ask your boss to step in if the two of you can’t figure out a way forward. Most important, be patient. Addressing the tug-of-war is likely going to take some time, so don’t try to force a resolution.

(Adapted from “How to Navigate a Turf War at Work,” by Amy Gallo.)

Published in Dawn, The Business and Finance Weekly, May 21st, 2018