Dear Auntie,
I am 34, by profession an accountant and divorced last year after staying in a painful marriage for 11 years. I have a 10-year-old son and a six-year-old daughter living with me and one of my four sisters takes care of them.

My sisters now want me to remarry but I don’t want to. “The kids factor” stops me going this way as I don’t want to take any decision which may add to their misery. I just want to focus on my kids’ future and my own because I can’t afford to put them in any kind of turbulence and chaos again.

I need your advice about whether it is alright living without a life partner. My associates consider it taboo. And in the given circumstances what do you think would be the best choice? Staying single or remarrying? What emotional or psychological implications would my kids have in both scenarios? Please note: I need your opinion from my kids’ perspective.
Confused

“Should I stay single or remarry?”

Dear Single-For-Now,
You did not mention where your ex-wife is, whether she has any contact with the children and what the circumstances of your divorce were. This information could have a crucial bearing on your future plans.

Families with step-parents can face several potential difficulties and you as a parent should be aware of what can go wrong. You are fairly young and deserve another chance at love and marriage. However, your caution in this situation is understandable. Apart from the fact that your children may not be ready to see someone else in their mother’s place, you have also been through an extremely stressful situation yourself. You may not be emotionally ready to commit to any kind of relationship yet. Sit your sisters down and tell them this calmly. Don’t rule out the possibility of marriage, just say “Not now, especially when I feel so emotionally vulnerable.”  

You should only think about a relationship once you feel ready for it. This may not coincide with the time that your children are ready to accept another woman in your life. Some children from broken homes live in the hope that their parents will get back together and bringing a step-parent into the situation kind of shatters that hope.

You should only think about a relationship once you feel ready for it. This may not coincide with the time that your children are ready to accept another woman in your life. Some children from broken homes live in the hope that their parents will get back together and bringing a step-parent into the situation kind of shatters that hope. Some children become very clingy with a parent who is about to marry. They may also not take it too kindly if you want to start a family with your second wife. And these are just some of the issues that bringing a new spouse into the picture may bring on. No matter how understanding a step-parent is, she will have an extremely challenging task on her hands. So you need to be careful who you pick and how you play this, once you feel ready enough to marry again — and only when you feel really ready.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 24th, 2017