Assalaam-o-Alaikum Auntie,
 I am about to complete my BS Hons in chemistry. At school, I was a bright student and secured excellent marks in Intermediate. I was focused on my studies and loved to compete with my classfellows. But after getting admission in university I fell in love with a girl and started thinking about her all the time. I proposed to her while still in the middle of my degree, though she didn’t accept my proposal.

This incident embarrassed me so much that I couldn’t concentrate on my studies anymore. I could not control myself and started texting her again. I wanted to know the reason behind her “no”. Her behaviour towards me was good before but after the proposal whenever I said “I love you”, she would reply “I know”.

She talks to me very nicely and it is interesting that whenever she finds herself in trouble, I am the only one she calls for help. I desperately love her and want to marry her, but she doesn’t show any interest and doesn’t tell me whether she likes me or not.

“I can’t get her out of my mind”

It has been more than a year now and I have thought of leaving her many times and concentrating on my studies but I cannot get her out of my mind. I need your suggestion. What should I do right now? Does she harbour any affection for me? How can I resume my normal life?
Lovesick

Dear Focus,
I don’t think you should bother her about the reason behind her “no”. She said no and that is that. You should also stop running to her rescue whenever she gets into trouble. A lot of people have the tendency to ‘use’ people they know have a crush on them because they know that person won’t let them down. Please stop getting sucked in. Next time, just say you are busy and cannot help her.

It is also possible that she is very flattered by your sentiments and gets some warped pleasure out of keeping you on a string. I know you think she is an angel but you are not thinking straight when it comes to her. And since you have a massive crush on her, you have probably attributed a whole host of qualities to her that she may not have.

You say you have thought about leaving her and concentrating on your studies. Actually you are not ‘with her’ to leave her. Also, if she has said she doesn’t want to be with you, it is her free will. You cannot rob her off that. You tried, it didn’t work. Life will be full of several such moments.

It is also possible that she is very flattered by your sentiments and gets some warped pleasure out of keeping you on a string. I know you think she is an angel but you are not thinking straight when it comes to her. And since you have a massive crush on her, you have probably attributed a whole host of qualities to her that she may not have.

Respect yourself and know that you deserve someone who loves you for who you are. It is, of course, easier said than done, but make an active effort to start meeting new people and get involved in new hobbies. And reduce contact with her. It won’t happen overnight and you might never forget her. But over time your seemingly uncontrollable feelings for her will definitely stop.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 17th, 2017