Dear Auntie I am a 24-year-old girl. I am working and I am in love with a boy who is a year older than me. We want to get married but he wants to wait. The reason is that presently he is earning less than me although he has a good job and his salary will increase in future. He thinks I will leave him because I earn more than him. He thinks that if he brings a proposal, my parents will reject it because he earns less than me. I don’t care that I earn more as he is a good person and I love him. When we get married we will have two salaries and enough money to lead a good life. I have told him that I don’t care about his salary or mine and that I love him anyway, but he is not convinced. What can I do?

Big Earner

Dear Caring GF,

You are very sure about where you are coming from. You love this man and you don’t care about the discrepancy in your salaries. The problem is not either of your salaries or that you make more and he doesn’t make as much. The problem is your boyfriend has low self-esteem and cannot believe that a woman who earns more than him could not just love him, but would want to marry him too. It could be that or that he has some ingrained belief in his mind — and this is not surprising given the society we live in — that he believes a man should be earning more than a woman.

“He won’t marry me because he earns less than I do!”

Tell your boyfriend exactly how you feel. Tell him that he hurts you when he says you will leave him because you earn a higher salary. Tell him that he doesn’t really know you if he is saying that. Apart from telling him how you feel about the situation and telling him you love him and waiting for him to believe it, there is really not much else you can do. It is his self-esteem issue and nothing to do with you.

Dear Auntie,

I am 32 years old and eight years ago, chose to marry my husband who I love. We have two children aged six and four. My problem is my husband’s drinking. He drinks too much and spends a lot of money on alcohol. I can’t even remember how many times I have dragged him back from parties too drunk. He also insists on driving while drunk and we end up arguing about this every time. We are constantly fighting about his drinking and the fights have even become physical, especially when one day I opened all his bottles and poured his vodka down the sink. When he is drunk and I try to stop him, he tells me he hates me and regrets marrying me. It pains me to see him like this. I put my children in bed early so they have not been exposed to his drinking rages but I don’t know how long I can continue doing this as my children are getting older.

The problem is your boyfriend has low self-esteem and cannot believe that a woman who earns more than him could not just love him, but would want to marry him too. It could be that or that he has some ingrained belief in his mind — and this is not surprising given the society we live in — that he believes a man should be earning more than a woman.

He drinks every single day and passes out in the lounge every night.

Can’t Do This Everyday

Dear Take Action,

Your husband is addicted to alcohol and is killing himself slowly. From your description of the problem, it is not likely that he can get over this problem or the craving for alcohol out of his system by himself. I also don’t think you alone can help him. You cannot control this and hide the problem from your children inside your house any longer. You absolutely need to seek professional help.

If you Google ‘Pakistan Alcoholics’ you will come across a few resources that can help you and your husband overcome his addiction. You can also talk to your doctor for a referral to a rehab programme. Please issue an ultimatum to your husband when he is sobre and seek professional help today.

Dear Khala

I am 16 years old. I love a girl but I don’t know how to tell this to my family.

Stuck

Dear Boy,

You can love her all you want. Why do you need to tell your family and get them involved? What is the urgency? You are 16 years old and I hope marriage is not on your mind. Just enjoy the feeling of love my boy.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 23rd, 2017