For me, the most unpleasant restaurant experience is not about bad food, but about people complaining about it loudly at the next table. Of course, it’s even worse if somebody on your table is doing it.

Now as paying punters, we have the right to object if we don’t get decent food. By all means, point out the problem to the waiter; in most good restaurants, you will be offered an alternative without an argument. What managers don’t want is a scene. And frankly, nor do I.

The issue here is that a complaint should not turn into a show of arrogance and rudeness. Just remember that your waiter did not cook the dish you are objecting to, so it’s pointless yelling at him. Just draw his attention to what you are objecting to and he will inform the chef. If he does argue, ask for the manager. But please avoid embarrassing the others in your group and ruining the ambience for other diners.

Dining dos and don’ts are as important as delicious food and decorum

Far too often, we extend our behaviour towards our servants to restaurant staff. Just because we are paying makes us think we have the right to be obnoxious. We also think that by throwing our weight around, we will get better food and service. This is not so. Friends in Karachi accuse me of getting VIP treatment in restaurants because I review restaurants.

This is not fair as I hardly do reviews any more. But it is true that I take the trouble to say hello to my waiter and try and remember his name. By asking for his advice on what’s fresh, I involve him in the process of deciding what to choose. And if the food had been good on my previous visit, I will have complimented the chef. So basically, I make a conscious effort to get the team on my side.

There have been occasions when I have sent a dish back to the kitchen, but I have pointed out the problem without raising my voice. However, if the others at my table have been served, I will have to sit around while they eat and then delay proceedings when my replacement dish arrives. The way out is to ask the waiter for an item that will take the least amount of time to prepare, if only an omelette.

I say ‘only an omelette’ as though this was a filler without merit. Not so. As I have written here before, a good omelette can be a dish fit for a king. The first and most important thing you need are good, fresh, free range eggs. Hard to come by in most cities in Pakistan, but I used to buy them from the French Bakery in Karachi’s Khadda Market.

Just remember that your waiter did not cook the dish you are objecting to, so it’s pointless yelling at him. Just draw his attention to what you are objecting to and he will inform the chef.

The other day, I had some bhuna qeema sitting in the fridge, so I thought I’d use it as a filling for an omelette. I whipped three eggs from a local farm I had bought recently. By the way, just mixing the yolks and the whites is enough. While the mince was getting warm, I put a heavy non-stick frying pan on a hot fire and then threw in a healthy knob of butter. When it was almost smoking, I poured in the eggs, and when they began to set, I lifted the edges to allow the eggs on the top to slide to the surface and cook. Now I spooned in the qeema into the centre and then folded the omelette over while it was still soft.

It is important to warm the filling as the temperature of any dish drops if you introduce something cold. Now here’s a technique you might try if you want to impress someone: as soon as you have folded the omelette, place a large plate over the pan firmly with your left hand while holding the handle with your right. Now lift the pan and turn it over so the omelette is now sitting on the plate. Replace the pan on the fire, and slide the omelette back in to lightly brown the other side. This can end disastrously if you don’t get it right, so beware. And remember not to overcook the omelette: ideally, it should be soft and slightly runny. In the subcontinent, we tend to turn omelettes into leathery, dark brown objects.

Anyway, my qeema omelette was delicious. I wish I could make parathas because this would do for a perfect Sunday breakfast.

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, June 15th, 2014