Right-wing Pakistani trolls on social media (especially Twitter) have developed a remarkable lingo that is all their own. With a quick jerk of the knee and rapid-fire typing speed they are able to spout out words and expressions that may seem like they come from a malfunctioning toy robot but jump at you like a cornered, angry rooster.

Lately such trolls have been so busy lashing out at all those who question their favourite causes, I wonder if these young men and women have actually ended up talking the way they tweet.

Imagine a mom asking a passionate troll to drive carefully. How would he respond? Easy: ‘Stop being such a lifafah mom, mother. Driving fast can actually stop drone attacks. Tabdilee, mom, tabdilee.’

There is now very good reason for the mom to worry. Her son was never so bright to begin with but now he is talking really funny. So she asks him to just do what she is requesting him to do and come home early from his friend’s place.

He gets agitated a bit: ‘Come home early and do what? Watch RAW agents on TV? Stop acting like killer mafia MQM and corrupt PPP, mom. And where is that liberal fascist?’

Mom is perplexed: ‘Who?’ ‘Dad, mom, dad. Where is he?’ ‘He’s watching TV. A re-run of Seinfeld, I think ...’

‘Liberal fascist! No, fake liberal! Actually fake liberal fascist! No, genuine liberal fascist thus fake liberal ...!’

By now poor mom has really begun to freak out: ‘What is wrong with you? Are you feeling okay? Is this how one talks about one’s father?’

‘Seinfeld is a Jew, mom! What if dad was struck by a drone missile? How would he feel then?’

‘'What? What do drones have to do with Seinfeld, son?’

‘Everything, mom, everything. Everything that is anything has something to do with drones. I think dad is a CIA agent.’

‘What? Have you lost you mind?’ ‘Mom ... I have a feeling both dad and you are sleeper agents. How come I have never seen you denouncing drone attacks, huh?’

‘I don’t know much about such things, son ...’

‘Aha! And yet you were crying when you saw that drama queen and witch give a speech at the UN.’

‘Who, Malala ...?’ ‘Oh you agent lifafah woman trillion million people die in drone attack but West don't care about billion million girls mutilated in drone attacks but give publicity to one girl you all slave of US liberal fake fascist fake liberal Pakistan zindabad ...!’

Mom finally calls in dad. Dad is pretty peeved. He was enjoying his TV. But he heard his son. He slaps the son. The son is taken aback: ‘Ha! And you fake liberals say the Taliban are violent. Shame on you. Hitting me like this. I’m off.’

Dad finally speaks: ‘Off to where? That’s my car you are driving, this is my house you’re staying in, this is my ...’

‘Enough, secular liberal fake fascist liberal fascist fake daddy! You are slave of US. I hope a Nato truck runs over you. Hehehe Lol.’

‘Lol? What on earth is lol?’ ‘You wouldn’t know, US bootlicker. I’m off to stop Nato trucks.’

‘In Michigan?’ Asks the father. ‘We live in the US, fool!’ And ‘whack’, he slaps the son again. Meanwhile, the doorbell rings.

‘Anti-Islam drone-loving killer of billions of innocent Pakistanis. I’m off.’

‘Off to where?’ Asks the mom. ‘Off to get the door, mom,’ says the son. ‘Must be the pizza I ordered.’