Only Punjab and Pluto fell to Mian Saab whose brother Shahbaz Sharif has now started to sort out the obscene mess left behind by Musharraf and his cabaret ensemble of discoing Chaudhries and their merry men and loud, obnoxious women.

Recently the Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif said that vulgarity and obscenity in the name of culture would not be tolerated and strict action would be taken against those `de-tracking` the younger generation.

He also constituted a high-level committee headed by the chief secretary to take action against those who violate rules by performing vulgar dances on the stage and TV. This is a wonderful initiative taken by the Punjab CM. Especially in a city of unabashed sin and debauchery like Lahore. In fact, the Sindh CM, Qayem Ali Shah and the Mayor of Karachi, Syed Mustafa Kamal, should follow suit. Otherwise cities like Karachi, Hyderabad and especially Tando Adam are in danger of becoming some of the most obscene and vulgar cities of the world. In fact, of the whole solar system.

Our leaders should realise that in Karachi too, people are always indulging in vulgar dances. Like, for example, only last Friday night the moral minority of Karachi were shocked when throngs of young men and women got drunk, poured out and started to dance on the roads of the downtrodden Landhi area which is already known for its steamy discos, night-clubs, bars and cafes where so-called intellectuals exchange atheistic ideas over glasses of beer, brandy and bhang. Sometimes all at once.

However, the most infamous chain of clubs in Karachi remains to be the notorious Nite Keelab. This was also the club that was used by wicked film-makers in the 1970s. It was because of the activities of this club that the 1947 heroes of independence and staunch fans of the Quaid, the Jamat-i-Islami, started a movement against the immoral Z A Bhutto regime. If they hadn`t done so, every Pakistani teenage girl would`ve been announcing, “Daddy I go play badminton and dance in keelab!” on a regular basis and become a roving, rootless hippie chick, smoking hash and telling her elders to “shut-up you nonsense!”

The JI were able to rid the land of Bhutto, but the night clubs, bars and assorted havens of vulgarity remained. So much so, that by the time the glorious soldier of Islam, Mard-i-Momin Mard-i-Haq Ziaul Haq, Ziaul Haq brought about the much-needed Islamic revolution, Pakistan had became the second most vulgar country after the poor, corrupt and war-torn African republic of Holland. The Mard-i-Momin did everything a wise and decent Muslim leader could do to transform Pakistan into a country much like the beloved Saudi Arabia (minus the oil). But because of the amazing discount deals offered by the Nite Keelab on its famous chicken-tikka pizzas, vulgar dancing had almost become a genetic phenomenon in Pakistan.

So, logically the Mard-i-Momin decided to take the matter by the horns and rid the country of vulgarity once and for all. He banned breathing. For 11 years Pakistan truly became land of the pure. Though there were many deaths and millions of cases of sudden asphyxia and chronic asthma due to the ban clamped on breathing, at least there was no vulgar dancing.

Unfortunately, the pure, decent and upright regime of the Mard-i-Momin was brought to an abrupt end after a mere 11 short years. Once again Pakistan plunged into the darkness of vulgarity. On a fateful day, the Mard-i-Momin was brutally murdered by the vicious Soviet spy, Boris Becker, and infamous Indian assassin, Amresh Puri, along with and the clandestine owner of the Nite Keelab, Madam Rani.

The regime that followed was of Benazir Bhutto who, being a woman, at once lifted the ban on breathing. All hell broke loose, and in the next 10 years Pakistan even beat the African republic of Holland to become the most vulgar and obscene country with rampant free sex, steamy night clubs, bars, Aids, VDs, STDs and worse of all, co-education! The few morally correct people who refused to send their daughters to these co-ed dens were punished when Christian evangelists dressed as NGO workers administered polio drops to their infants. Everybody knows polio drops are haraam and are a way to sterilise Muslims from raising armies that will one day conquer the world.

The heroic Ameerul Momineen, Mian Nawaz Sharif replaced Benazir and did all he could to revive the ways of his mentor, the Mard-i-Momin. He also tried to ban breathing, but because of the evil ways of a malicious Freemason, Asif Ali Zardari, Mian Saab`s gallant strides towards re-purification of Pakistan were halted. Distracted by Zardari`s suggestive disco moves, Mian Saab failed to sight a conspiracy against his just and peaceful rule. In 1999, the neo-Nazi tyrant, General Pervez Musharraf, toppled Mian Saab in a Bloody Mary coup and unleashed another wave of vulgar dancing.

Under the generals rule Pakistan again became a den of immoral activities as bars, night clubs, discos and hot dating spots and spas sprang up all over the country. What`s more, even places like Bajaur, Swat and Waziristan weren`t spared, where the dictatorship closed down madressas and replaced them with Nato-run gambling dens. In Swat whiskey ran in the river where once pure water flowed. It was a painful sight. The soul of the Mard-i-Momin turned awkwardly in his resting place and the resultant rumbling caused the 2005 earthquake in Kashmir. This was a sign and a warning. The word repent rang loud in the skies of the country.

Moralistic, upright men like the peace-loving sufi saint, General Hamid Gul; former captain of the veiled Pakistani women`s cricket team, Imrana Khanam, and the hero of the 1857 Indian Mutiny, Qazi Hussain Ahmed, all struggled against Mush`s vulgar dancing demons to put Pakistan back on the right path, but to no avail. Alas, in February 2008, Musharraf was overthrown. However, this did not mean Pakistan returned to the clean, pure days of the Mard-i-Momin.

Sindh, the NWFP, Balochistan, Mars and Neptune went to the Freemason Zardari who took back the Nite Keelab chain from Musharraf and continued the process of turning Pakistan into one big den of vice and vulgarity. Women stopped wearing the veil, men shaved off their beards, cities stank of whiskey, everybody wanted to be a vulgar dancer, and polio drops became freely available. Only Punjab and Pluto fell to Mian Saab whose brother Shahbaz Sharif has now started to sort out the obscene mess left behind by Musharraf and his cabaret ensemble of discoing Chaudhries and their merry men and loud, obnoxious women.

I strongly urge President Zardari and his regime to take the path treaded so wisely by the Mard-i-Momin and the CM Shahbaz Sharif. This government should re-open the madressahs and mosques closed down by Musharraf, abolish co-education, shaving and polio drops; but most of all, it must stop American drones from firing Vodka bombs and distributing John Travolta dance manuals to the innocent shepherds of north-western Pakistan. They hate to dance and would kill for their right to turn all of Pakistan into a proud society of righteous shepherds.

I must remind our vulgar dancing rulers that this is God`s Pakistan, and not George ka Pakistan.