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Man bites dog

Published Jun 10, 2010 11:15am


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A not very originally-named dog called Fido was found dead in the backyard of one Yar Ashfaq Mazlum’s house.

He’d been lying there dead for over a day, but Ashfaq and his family simply refused to touch the dog’s body.

“It is paleet (dirty),” explained Ashfaq. “Call the Hindu bhangees (sewerage workers). They’ll pick him up.”

“They cost too much these days,” said Ashfaq’s neighbor, Qurban. “This was my dog, by the way.”

“Well, then you pick him up!” said Ashfaq.

“I can’t. I am Muslim like you, remember?”

“Then why did you keep a dog in the first place?”

“I didn’t know it was forbidden to keep dogs. I only got to know a week ago. I’ve been repenting ever since.”

“So you killed the dog?”

“No, I just let it go. I just threw a few stones at it.”

Another neighbor, Kamran, joined the conversation: “Isn’t that your dog, Qurban sahib?”

“Yes. It was. Until last week.”

“How did he die?”

“Who cares how he died!” said Ashfaq, agitated. “It’s a paleet animal and it deserves to die!”

“But it is one of God’s many creatures,” Kamran replied.

“Keeping dogs is forbidden. Period.” Ashfaq announced.

“How can you be so sure?” asked Kamran.

“Are you questioning God?” asked Ashfaq.

“Are you God?” replied Kamran.

“No! Of course not.”

“Well, then kindly answer the question.”

“I read it in a book.”

“The Holy book?”

“No, some book by an aalim.”

“And you believed him?”

“It’s also a hadith."

“But there are thousands of hadith. Not all are correct. How do you know this one is correct?”

“I just know. Now please help me get this paleet animal off my property. Some one call a bhangee!”

Paleet Hindu bhangee, you mean,” Kamran sarcastically interrupted.

“Us Muslims can’t touch dogs, okay.” said Ashfaq.

Meanwhile, Qurban, who was listening to the scintillating theological dialogue between Ashfaq and Kamran, decided to pitch in: “You know, brothers, I think either the CIA or Blackwater agents killed him.”

He was serious.

“What?” Kamran reacted. “What the hell for?”

“Well, you see, I was trying to convert him, and …”

“Convert a dog?”

“Yes. I was trying to convert him into becoming a rooster,” Qurban explained.

“Wonderful!” Exclaimed Ashfaq. “What a superb thought. This neighborhood certainly needs a rooster who can wake us up for worship every morning.”

Kamran snickered: “Why not just get one, instead of getting a poor dog to turn into a rooster?”

“Ah, brother Kamran. There is more sawab in converting paleet things and people,” said Ashfaq.

“But why can’t a dog be a dog and a rooster a rooster? Why does a dog have to be converted into a rooster just because you don’t like dogs? Have you ever asked a rooster to turn into a dog?” asked Kamran, irritated.

“God forbid! What are you saying? That rooster would become an apostate. We would have to kill it then.”

“But we already kill roosters. We love their meat.”

“Yes, but a rooster eaten by a real Muslim actually goes to heaven.”

“Really? Who told you that. The aalim?”

“No, actually my grandmother, God bless her soul.”

All the while, Qurban was deep in thought, scratching his head: “Ashfaq bhai, had I been able to convert Fido into a rooster, would we have been able to eat it too?”

“Of course, Qurban. We can eat roosters. It is allowed.”

“But, Ashfaq bhai, he would still be looking like a dog, if you know what I mean?”

“Not if he was properly dressed,” said Ashfaq.

“Properly dressed?” said Kamran, shocked.

“Of course,” replied Ashfaq. “Can’t let a converted dog run around naked. Nudity is forbidden.”

“But roosters run around naked too!” said Kamran.

“Yes, but whereas you can see everything on a naked dog, you can’t on a rooster. They’re born covered.” Ashfaq explained.

“But you were born naked! Did your mother throw stones at you?” Kamran was now really losing it.

“What do you know, Kamran sahib?” Said Ashfaq. “You wear western clothes, don’t have a beard and, your wife and daughters don’t adorn the hijab!”

“Well that’s because I don’t want to turn into a rooster and ask my wife and daughters to become hens! I’d rather remain human.”

“You see, brother Kamran, there lies your problem. Wanting to become human before Muslim,” said Ashfaq.

“Oh, but I thought it meant the same thing. Doesn’t being a good Muslim amount to being a good human too?” asked Kamran.

“Oye, hoye! What have all those western books that you read done to you, brother Kamran? Here, read this instead. Get to know your roots.”

“What’s this?”

“My grandmother’s recipe for a mouth-smacking chicken burger.”

“What has a burger to do with my roots? And anyway, isn’t it a western dish?”

“Ah, that is what western propaganda has made you believe. Burgers were originally created by the Muslims 1400 ago.”

“And who told you that? Zaid Hamid?”

“Well, I should know. I have Arab blood in my veins.”

“Nonsense!” said Kamran.  “You are clearly of sub-continental stock, like every Pakistani.”

Ashfaq smugly shook his head: “My ancestors were Arabs, my friend. We used to raise roosters in south Yemen”

“But, of course,” Kamran sighed.

Enter Qurban: “But, brothers, what about the poor dog?”

Ashfaq glared at him.

“I mean the dirty, filthy, paleet, forbidden creature from hell!” Qurban checked himself. “So what should we do with him?”

“Well, if you say you were trying to convert him then I guess the Hindu Indians, Israeli Jews or Christian Americans killed him,” said Ashfaq.

Qurban started to quietly sob: “My poor rooster. Dead.”

“Rooster?” Asked Kamran, baffled.

“Don’t cry,” said Ashfaq. “He died for a good cause.”

“But you used to throw stones at him, Qurban,” said Kamran.

“Yes, but only when I caught him fornicating in public.”

“But where else would a dog fornicate? In your drawing room?”

“Well, as long as he doesn’t do it in public.”

“But roosters fornicate in public too!” Said Kamran.

“Yes, but they are properly dressed. And are male.” Qurban replied.

“What farce! It’s wrong if a dog fornicates in public, but its okay to stone him in public?”

“It’s celestial law!” Ashfaq announced.

“Whose law, your spaced-out grandmother’s?”

“Hold your tongue, Kamran. Or you too will end up like that dog. I can’t have more dogs roaming around naked and fornicating in this neighborhood.”

Suddenly there was a 16.2 second silence. Qurban looked at Ashfaq: “Ashfaq bhai,  so you … killed … Fido?”

Stumped, Ashfaq started to sweat: “Err … no, no, as you said, it must’ve been the Indians.”

“But there are no Indians in this neighborhood,” said Kamran.

“Then it must be the Jews.”

“What Jews?” ssked Qurban.

“I tell you it was Blackwater!” said Ashfaq.

“Blackwater killed a naked, fornicating, paleet dog. Shouldn’t  you be thanking them instead?” said Kamran.

“Oh, right. But, you see, he had become a rooster. It wasn’t me, Qurban! Muslims don’t lie. It was him!” said Ashfaq, pointing at Kamran.

“But why him, Ashfaq bhai? He is Muslim too.” Qurban asked.

“No, he isn’t!” Ashfaq half-shouted. “He’s no Muslim. He is … he is … he is human!”

Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and

Photo illustration by Eefa Khalid

The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

Author Image

Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and He is also the author of two books on the social history of Pakistan, End of the Past and The Pakistan Anti-Hero.

He tweets @NadeemfParacha

The views expressed by this writer and commenters below do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

Comments (292) Closed

Tamim Nadir Jun 10, 2010 08:07am
Very well written sarcastic piece of humour. You are really good at this.
Hasan Jun 10, 2010 08:19am
So,Nadeem bhai,i deeply admire your work,on how you entertain the society through dealing with our everyday issues .but i frequently end up questioning myself about the moral of it all.please comment.
yawar Jun 10, 2010 08:29am
Top notch stuff again, NFP. You never cease to amaze. Your satire and your analytical pieces both hold the key to what is to be done. You are one of the most talented writers and thinkers we have today in Pakistan, and may Allah bless you for sticking it out with the truth in this god forsaken land of ours.
Navaz Jun 10, 2010 08:35am
Hilarious . When Pakistan come out of these nonsenses ?
v k Jun 10, 2010 08:40am
well written!!!! speechless............. thats wat lot of people are trying to say but not many ready to listen!!!! May almight help stupids and wise equally.....
SG Jun 10, 2010 09:29am
Wonderful piece, Nadeem. This piece targets a particular faith. As someone coming from a different religion, I can safely say that the same is applicable to other communities as well. All religions have their share of disillusioned misinformed intolerants. "He is
Saqib Ilyas Jun 10, 2010 09:29am
I wonder if he'll ever get over his islamophobia! Has got nothing else to write about and his made up dialogues and false stories about himself are so poorly written.
hassan sameer Jun 10, 2010 09:31am
Dear NFP... do you read Sadat Hassan Manto a lot:) very well written
Sahar Khan Jun 10, 2010 09:32am
Once again, NFP unleashed the brilliancy of knitting a story covering all the shady perspectives hovering our society like dark clouds abandoning us of the light !
Haris Jun 10, 2010 09:33am
Dude, you need to get over yourself and stop trying to make yourself stand out.
Khawaja Jun 10, 2010 08:13am
There're three different types of Muslims... - those who follow Islam, - those who don't follow Islam, - and those who follow Islam as well as understand it. All Muslims must strive to achieve the third type. P.S. There's no forth type as those who understand Islam will almost always follow it.
SD Jun 10, 2010 08:14am
Bravo NFP ... Simply Outstanding .. My salutes to you ... Just keep going ...
Atheist Jun 10, 2010 08:17am
Good one NFP ! But I guess you already know the kind of comments you can expect ... from those who don't understand the piece - comments like "stupid article", "waste of time" etc ... and from those who understand it but are too entrenched into their hate for - the Ahmedis, Hindus, Jews, Christians, Shias, Sufis, Americans, Indians, Europeans .... humans (?) - that they refuse to appreciate the humor and its implications.
waqar Jun 10, 2010 08:32am
LOLZ! love it. I love when Ashfaq wanted to convert the dog.. :D excellent dialogue.
Shumail Jun 10, 2010 08:46am
Well done NFP Your sarcastic work equally amuses and adds insight. I hope that you will succeed in enlightening this gloomy society
Imran Jun 10, 2010 08:52am
Excellent article, but I wonder when Ill see an article without Zaid Hamid mentioned in it:)
Waisybabu | artsyHANDS Jun 10, 2010 08:52am
Hahahaha! Wow Paracha saab! This is priceless! And I agree with you: Humanity comes before being a Muslim. You're a human first, Muslim/Jew/Christian second. And we must all grasp this idea if there is to be peace and tolerance in the society. :)
Reasoner Jun 10, 2010 09:00am
Another masterpiece from NFP, indeed !!!!
DZ Jun 10, 2010 09:00am
Farjad Jun 10, 2010 10:57am
i just didnt like the "1400 years ago" part otherwise very true. I hope NFP wasn't refering to the times of the Prophet (pbuh). What we have now didn't start 1400 years but right before our very own eyes 30 years ago. No Muslim country has declared its minorities as non-Muslims, not even Saudi Arabia and Iran where Shia, Sunni, Ismaili differences run deep. By law all Saudi citizens are considered Muslims and here we have mullahs passing "kafir" sentences right, left and center not even sparing each other. The next in line seems to Nawaz Sharif just because he called fellow Pakistanis as brothers and sisters.
Gu Jun 10, 2010 10:45am
Very well written - Masterpiece - one of the best ones among the ones i have read on this topic. Thanks Dawn and Nadeem
usama Jun 10, 2010 10:45am
Excellent. Brilliant NFP Sahib... Sums up our society...
sanjay mittal Jun 10, 2010 10:46am
Nadeem you are brilliant ! :) If I had my way... I would nominate you for the NObel... Great going. If your fan following becomes large enough... they would be less tensions on the INdo- Pak border....
Raju Jun 10, 2010 10:55am
Paracha Saab !! I personally think it is very difficult to find your parallel. Great Article.. Bull's Eye !!
Jawad Rana Jun 10, 2010 09:18am
Excellent piece of humor, but relating the sadness of a nation, where the nationality has taken a back seat, and "Blind Faith" has found its true meaning.
raj Jun 10, 2010 09:26am
Nadeem congratulation for a wonderful satire. I have one request for don't use the word bhangee. Thanks
Bilal Jun 10, 2010 09:36am
Is this guy's humor drawn from "the family guy"... Apparently he cannot digest the transition of Junaid Jamshed and the likes, and in his frustration for not being able to understand the concept, this is what he resorts to. he probably thought this one up while flushing his bowels out last night. People tend to get crazy ideas whilst seated on "the throne". and those who are amused by this... well what can you say. This is a world where "Friends" was a record hit.
arjoshi Jun 10, 2010 09:38am
Good sarcasm. I also learn't about the fact that dalits are called by the same language in Pakistan as in India and rest of sub continent by this article - paleet, bhangi etc. Looks like while we are divided by religion, we are united in our mental state about " the caste system" and need some one else to clean up the mess we make. Hope this article serves as an eye opener for those who realise ALSO that man was created equal by any God, and unfortunately, we have divided them into paleets and so on. Thanks NFP - lot of hard messages for sub continent readers here.
Robert Jun 10, 2010 09:40am
Dear Khawaja I don't agree for the fourth point mentioned in your comment. There is a fourth type Muslims, who try to impose their personal ideology on others in the name of Islam. You know very well that what I mean and who I mean. What you say ?
ali Jun 10, 2010 11:32am
This is also a world where hameed is given prime time space at t.v, and when 100 ahmediyas got killed people were discussing right name for the spot of crime.. I am not an Arab Bilal.
Jawahar Jun 10, 2010 09:48am
This should be made part of the Matric curriculum!!
Ateeq Jun 10, 2010 09:53am
Good work, but Mr Author, every time you use same characters in your story, which shows your obsession with few guys. Nice story which is portraying nudity in sense of humor. But in all, excellent article. Keep up the good work.
ahmad Jun 10, 2010 09:53am
@khawaja I am the 4th type......
Amir Jun 10, 2010 09:54am
Unfortunately our soceity has been programmed in such a way that we can not think for ourself or are not allowed. Our thinking process and choice of words are dictated via rote - A memorizing process using routine or repetition, often without full attention or comprehension.
Jay Jun 10, 2010 09:59am
The greatest travesty of life is its injustice to the living!!!
Omar Jun 10, 2010 11:10am
Awesome as usual
Dinesh Sharma Jun 10, 2010 11:15am
Wonderful as usual! Do the persons having similar thinking as characters in your articles read your articles? May be time to write in other languages too - widen the horizon and reach millions others!
Zeeshan Waheed Jun 10, 2010 10:16am
Yousuf Jun 10, 2010 11:14am
Got better at the end...
gta Jun 10, 2010 10:26am
Just another useless piece from NFP.
AfghanPakistani Jun 10, 2010 10:31am
what?????? do you have any idea what the are you are talking about!
aftab akram Jun 10, 2010 10:33am
I have been reading Mr Nadeem's remarks about people and his critical view of Islam etc. A joke I remembered, someone said "maulvies " are thieves, the person hearing this said- no no maulvies ain't thieves, infact thieves have grown beards. Give Islam a chance - its the same religion which made the worst people of Arabia as the best of the whole world- please check the lives of Sahaba and the Holy Prophet (pbuh) Himself. There is nothing wrong in Islam, its the munafiqeen using it for personal reasons. fear ALLAH Almighy and if you don't want to practice it , there are lots of others who do- don't mislead people about Islam- if Muslims are doing wrong in the name of Islam - I think you are a Muslim too- lets see you doing right-Mr MORALITY.
yawar Jun 10, 2010 10:43am
There is a fourth kind. This one does not tell how many kinds of Muslims there are and keeps his religion private. His religion is humanity, as NFP would put it.
DK Jun 10, 2010 10:58am
Why be overconfident! Due to the entire terrorist problems world is facing
odiwala Jun 10, 2010 11:04am
ha ha ha...nice one man..
Ataul wahab Butt Jun 10, 2010 11:38am
Mr. Paracha, a good sense of humor with hammering touch.
Raja Hindustani Jun 10, 2010 11:39am
Great work once again NFP. You are the best.
yawar Jun 10, 2010 11:43am
ha ha ha ha. here come the myopics. :D NFP you keep blasting them and they keep reading you and comenting. Lol! You're a genius, NFP.
Syed Salman Jun 10, 2010 11:45am
Ever bothered Zaid hamid ?? You'd realize what NFP meant had you listened to his knock-knock-jokes already
The real Bilial Jun 10, 2010 11:50am
Why do you narrow-minded even bother reading NFP?
Someone (non muslim) Jun 10, 2010 12:07pm
But why 16.2 second silence? whats' in 16.2....
Irfan Jun 10, 2010 11:58am
Fantastic article, It brilliantly describes the one eyed mullah following crowd in Pakistan. It shows how Islam is pointing in one direction and the Muslims our heading ninety degrees in the other. They claim to love Allah, yet have no compassion,love or respect for his creation. The creation that he loves and sustains.
Ahmed Omair Jun 10, 2010 12:07pm
Well said Aftab.
Omar Haroon Jun 10, 2010 12:08pm
Hahaha, excellent piece. I'm not really aware of him (probably because of the fact that I've stopped watching pakistani channels) but it seems like you really like this Zaid Hamid person judging from all the other articles I've read by you :P
sal Jun 10, 2010 12:09pm
The ironic thing is, the prophet (PBUH) said that no arab was created better then a non-arab and no non-arab was created better then an arab. So if we are all the same, why do some people take pride in being of arab descent?
Manish Jun 10, 2010 12:09pm
The last line was simply brilliant!
Owais Awan Jun 10, 2010 12:12pm
Great inside view of our beliefs and present situation. Good Job, though it became a pretty kettle of fish slightly before the end. But that too, showed a perspective of a thinker and questioner. Favourite line :
Nivedita Jun 10, 2010 12:19pm
He he he!
Humayun Jun 10, 2010 12:28pm
Fantastic. Love your sense of humor. Its funny and makes us realize our mistakes and how ridiculous we have become. "Thought provoking comedy" thats how i would describe it.
Sadia Jun 10, 2010 12:32pm
Arun Jun 10, 2010 12:46pm
Hi NFP, I have been a regular reader of your writings. You are simply brilliant. This article once again hits the nail on the head and as usual regular cynics will split the hair and convince themselves that you are wrong. Many of your other articles apply to situation in both Pakistan and India. I would love to read your such a incisive and humorous articles on India as well. Keep up the good work.
Salman Jun 10, 2010 12:43pm
Excellent piece!
Zunaid Jun 10, 2010 01:10pm
Hmmmm..... Pretty much sarcastic But wud be good if it wud be constructive sarcasm 3 characters sums up the story of pakistan.
aya Jun 10, 2010 01:57pm
Brillant piece !!! Now how do we get the kids in the madarasa's to read it and understand its essence ??
Sumanta Jun 10, 2010 05:04pm
Brilliant, brilliant piece. Have you ever thought about collecting your satires into a book? Or does one already exist? If it does, how can one get it?
amir Jun 10, 2010 05:54pm
Great piece! First time reading your blog. Born and raised in London, this definately applies to those with Pakistani heritage in the UK!
Khawaja Jun 10, 2010 05:55pm
Islam once understood is humanity perfected.
H. Zuberi Jun 10, 2010 05:56pm
Bilal Jun 10, 2010 05:58pm
Rashid Jun 10, 2010 05:58pm
Your writing is inclined, biased at one perspective only. I was waiting for an article after the attack on Flotilla, thinking that a critique with same zeal and zest would come on that topic, but in vain. Brother, why not, atleast, utilize equal amount of energies on both sides of the picture? Your writing is harming the image of a bearded person and Hijabi women, whereas, we know that all of them are not same, many are nice, humble and rational.
kathiravan Jun 10, 2010 06:00pm
good article "First Human ,then comes the attributes like race, color,religion"
Rajeev Jun 10, 2010 06:29pm
This is one of NFP's best posts. Very powerful stuff. Wish I could meet him someday.
Saboor Jun 10, 2010 07:23pm
Brilliant as succint and to the point ....
Bilal Salim Jun 10, 2010 08:12pm
makes me cry .. I am so ashamed of us
Girish Jun 11, 2010 01:48am
Awesome job NFP!!.... This simply depicts the way a common pakistani (Punjabi pakistani) treat the minority in their country as well as how confused and hypocritical their mindset is.
Lunatic Jun 11, 2010 01:50am
Is tolerance meant for teaching others only or can we practice it ourselves as well?
Mini Jun 11, 2010 01:51am
Well written. Truly thought provoking, from the sounds of all the comments.
hoshiar Jun 11, 2010 01:21pm
What cuckoo talk! This class thing you use is worn out. Today the worst examples of religious intolerance is being exhibited by the middle and upper middle classes. What are you talking about? open your eyes and ears, or you'll remain cuckoo.
Shb Jun 11, 2010 04:43am
Sheri Jun 11, 2010 04:55am
NFP I have been reading your articles / blogs for last one year. First of all good work and I believe it is applicable to whole to South asia. This particular piece here is called "VYANG" in Hindi literature, it makes you smile all the way through but leaves you with thoughts and pinch of pain at the end. We south Asians are living example of double standards and hypocrisy. We do not have courage to accept the truth as it is. People in your country trying to relate themselves with Arabs is another example ... Good work ..keep it up and think about publishing a book
Anum Jun 11, 2010 04:56am
First we need to get our facts right before blaming the righteous ulema or the concept of paleet dog. It is important for everyone to know that it comes in an authentic hadith of our beloved Messenger Muhammad(peace be upon him) that Allah The Exalted forgave a prostitute only because she gave some water to drink to a thirsty dog. The point is this is that our Lord is The Most Merciful and Forgiving provided we seek forgiveness, another point to be noted is that our rligion teaches us to show mercy not only to humans be it the non believers of islamic faith but also animals. The concept of dog being napak is only ythat prayers cannot be performed in the clothes that have touched the dog. For guarding purposes a dog can be kept. Please stop maligining the ulemas 24/7. Get your facts right about islam and you will know that in every command there is wisdom!
Sabir Ayub Rabbani Jun 11, 2010 05:02am
Well said Mr. Bilal. It has become fashionable to critisize the religion and Pakistan.
Khizzer Jun 11, 2010 06:51am
And if you dont see the wisdom, then stop misguiding the ones who see it. Your articles only portray one image for a Muslim. Everyone knows that all Muslims arent the same.
chak Jun 11, 2010 05:18am
All along i see NFP criticizing a way of life. Nothing wrong with it, everyone has a right to criticize, all I want to say is that people have a right to a particular way of life too. And one can say that the western oriented lifestyle or thought process is better or right. It is our country, our society, we have a full right in deciding how we want it to be run. If people call it orthodox, then so be it.
Junaid Jun 11, 2010 06:56am
Anum, there is nothing known as an 'authentic hadidh.' All hadith, including those in books by Bukhari and Muslim, have an element of doubt. This is what Bukhari also warned. These books were written almost 200 years after the demise of the Prophet (PBUH). We should not be basing our beliefs on what someone claims the Prophet (PBUH) said. The Quran is enough and as well as our own modern thoughts and conditions. But people like you want to remain stuck in the 7th century just because of hadith, well be my guest. But this act has not and never help the Muslims. Quran's about moving forward, not backward. It is one of the finest articles written on the subject for laymen like you and myself. I recommend you read an old NFP article on the subject: Salam.
Amlendu Jun 11, 2010 05:23am
I have been a regular reader of all your articles and blogs. this one is right at the top. More people need to right about perversion of religion (Islam, Christianity and Hinduism all of them). All have been perverted and cynical people are using them for their personal agenda. I'm agnostic and think that the faith should be strictly personal and organized religion is the root cause of most problems.
Faisal Qureshi Jun 11, 2010 05:36am
Nicee... but a better muslim is definately a better human.. sadly we hardly find better muslims, they are muslims of their own beliefs
Majaz Amin Jun 11, 2010 05:46am
of course neither all bearded men are fanatic nor all women wearing hijab are conservative.
Scheik Jun 11, 2010 05:52am
Sorry to say,but I dont like this piece at all. Its a clear attack on Muslim's personalities,beards and hijabis. I cant think how killing a dog is a more shameful thing to a person than being a bad Muslim. Theres no such thing as a good human, no matter how many good deeds one does, they're not entering jannah without the strong pure IMAAN in their hearts. Actually,this piece is a kind of the same brain wash,too. For heaven's sake !why dont you people understand that for a Muslim, being a good Muslim,living your life in accordance to Allah's teaching is what matters. I certainly dont mean that killing that dog was fine, but for kamran, not having a beard, which is haram to shave off, not making his women cover themselves,which is unacceptable, and then arguing on religion is insane. Goodness begins from your own personality, and for a Muslim, being a good Muslim is ONLY what matters, because that,if properly done,will automatically cover the aspects of being a good human.
Majaz Amin Jun 11, 2010 05:53am
Dear Robert, I agree with you. We understand what you mean and who you mean.
Umeed Ki Kiran Jun 11, 2010 07:07am
"Theres no such thing as a good human, no matter how many good deeds one does, they
haris Jun 11, 2010 08:21am
I think the joke or sarcasm through this piece is lost on you Aftab - This is called 'satire' - No one is criticising Islam or Muslims - what NFP is highlighting is simply the massive chasm between being good person and good muslim and how majority of us are confused about our own identity. We have this habit of wearing religion on our sleeves all the time but in reality hardly practice what the underlying teachings of that religion are - tolerance, patience, mercy , forgiveness, equality. See Mr Aftab, you will unable to find them amongst majority of the people in the land of pure ! This is what NFP is highlighting beautifully.
Neelofer Jun 11, 2010 06:01am
NFP, you never stop amazing me. You are so apt and 95% of the time it seems that you read my mind all other times you are way ahead. There is hardly a peice from you that does not go on my FB wall. Keep it up!!! Hope you wake a few.
Razia Jun 11, 2010 06:02am
Arabs are "best of the whole world"? What about Pakistanis? Don't tell me Pakistanis are Arabs or that Qasim was the first Pakistani. I think you think you are Muslim, stop thinking of yourself as an Arab. Nothing wrong with being "just Pakistani".
Khizzer Jun 11, 2010 07:07am
Bilal Sahib. Narrow-minded is a two way statement. The ones you call narrow-minded, for them, you are equally narrow-minded. Its like saying something to yourself. Since you are as different from him, as he is from you. aye? The same applies to calling someone an extremist. You're as extreme from his ideology, as he is from yours - So please refrain from passing judgements on someone ideology. Everyone has their own ideology; for you what is right, might not be right for the next person. and you, on the other hand might not be following the correct doctrine, in someone else's eyes. The essence is to peacefully co-exist, and if you think your ideology is better than his. Then invite him to your idelogoy by exhibiting/adorning the better aspects yourself, or intellectually and peacefully discussing the better aspects with him. Not by calling him narrow-minded. Because that just shows your narrow-minded'ness, as much as it shows his.
Shahzaib Jun 11, 2010 06:11am
NFP please being a neutral person you can choose some other religions as well to criticize why Islam only you can find number of mislaps/misleads/unscientific/discrimination of humans in other religions and in their followers no religion is perfect no follower is perfect
Salman Jun 11, 2010 06:17am
Nothing that NFP writes in his articles can harm the image of bearded men and hijabi women more than what these people have already done
neelkanth Jun 11, 2010 06:25am
Good lord! Hilarious! Greetings from india. Thought I would go and read a few pakistani newspapers and stumbled upon this blog. Not to sound condescending, but reading the blog and the comments, pakistanis have just gone up in my estimation. Cheers.
Khizzer Jun 11, 2010 06:29am
My 8 year old brother could come up with better stuff to right than this. What is this, actually? And how did it make it here? Ha, NFP's names gotten it here - nothing else. Its a fake, un-real, super-inflated conversation where he is trying to draw an analogy. Even after you understand the entire conversation properly, it is very far fetched. And what is with subliminal perception alteration? What is he trying to portray by bring it crazy extreme muslim comments no one EVER makes? This writer keeps dissapointing me, over and over. Sad.
Khizzer Jun 11, 2010 06:35am
Agreed. But if they were to understand Islam, they wont be imposing. They'd be intellectually, pleasantly and calmly inviting. Understanding (not learning, knowing or memorizing off the books) - as Khwaja Sahib correctly made the point, is key. You cant understand Islam from google and go on preaching/imposing it. It requires much much more effort, time and commitment. AND CORRECT TEACHERS.
Khizzer Jun 11, 2010 06:37am
Could'nt have put it in better words myself. Thumbs up!
Gulshan Jun 11, 2010 06:41am
"many are nice, humble and rational" You are right. Pakistan has acquired an evil reputation not because most Pakis are bad, but because the good Pakis are not speaking out and a few evil ones are making all the noises. If you are not part of the solution then YOU ARE part of the problem. Remember, " All that is necessary for the triumph of the evil is , for enough good people to do nothing". The evil ones are amongst us, but in the name of muslim brotherhood, we do not confront them. We are in a constant state of denial and point finger at others for all our problems. If even 1% of us have the courage of conviction like NFP, Pakistan could be envy of the world. You want him to write about the attack on flotilla where only 9 were killed (very sad) but did't ask him to write about attack on Ahmadis where more than 10 times were killed.
Saad Salman Zia Jun 11, 2010 06:43am
Beautifully portrayed!
Khizzer Jun 11, 2010 06:48am
Youre including a nation as the subject of a sweeping statement? Thats like suggesting all men have ears peirced - well, because I saw 10 men with peirced ears - You see the abnormality in my statement? Stop judging the nation based on acts some people do, which unfortunately make the news channels.
Junaid Jun 11, 2010 06:59am
If you call killing minorities as a justified way of life, well brother, you seriously have a problem.
NAD Jun 11, 2010 08:04am
Just for the record. As far as the hadith go regarding dogs then it is evident that: -If you save a dog, like the person who quenched its thirst was forgiven by Allah. Same goes for all animals. -If your tamed dog hunts something for you in a hunt then that is legal (halal) as well, but if it takes a bite then it is an indication that the dog hunted it for himself, so it is haram for the owner of the dog and the dog should have it. So the dog is given rights as well. -Angels of mercy do not enter houses that have dogs within. It does mean that they cannot be in your garden and guarding your gate. -It is ok to keep dogs for guarding, controlling cattle in farming etc. If the dog is not for this purpose then even then there is no sin on the dog owner, except that a little portion of his good deeds are cut back - daily. -You must wash your utensil 7 times if a dog uses it. That means that it can still be used later on, but after washing it 7 times. -Prayer is anulled if a dog passes in front of you. But is also anulled if a donkey does so as well, and also if a woman does so as well. -You cannot charge a price for a dog that you are selling. That money is prohibited, and so is money -from prostitution and interest. -A dog can be killed and there is no sin on the person, same goes for a crow, kite, mouse and scorpion. The things to note is that it goes for all the other animals mentioned but not all dogs, only rabid dogs.
Hasan Jun 11, 2010 08:11am
Stop reading him then kindly :P and btw he is a great writer.
Non Sense Jun 11, 2010 08:12am
First we should set ourselves right, only then we have right to criticise others. To hide our shortcomings we criticise others, but fail miserably in hiding our ills, nay, sins.
Umeed Ki Kiran Jun 11, 2010 07:23am
And you keep reading him over and over
Salman G. Khan Jun 11, 2010 08:13am
Another useless piece of writing from him.....It's quite unfortunate to see people like him having no Intellectual sense of looking at things could he just be so judgmental by making up his own characters and stories which makes no-sense at all and mislead the people...Does he even know what is he talking about ever!..Not even Once I found his article thought provoking ever....He does no Good but Harm...and portrays an absolute irrational notion....Give us a Break!
Farooq Jun 11, 2010 07:23am
Below par! But good at provoking people :P
ConspiracyTehreek Jun 11, 2010 07:27am
Is Fascism a way of life too?
Akshay, India Jun 11, 2010 07:27am
Very nice article....So brilliant...exposes brain washing and irrelevant beliefs in our society...Good Sir..please keep it up
Non Sense Jun 11, 2010 08:25am
Do you understand the meaning of the word "satire". Or, to make it easier, perhaps, "fiction". Once you understand that we can got the next step. I think you are right in saying your eight-year-old brother could come up with better stuff: Better than you!
Malang Lewany Jun 11, 2010 08:27am
you will get your rewards, every one is accountable for his actions.
Non Sense Jun 11, 2010 08:27am
As I see it, the Muslim is criticised. Not Islam. And where can you get an example of such Muslims than in Pakistan?
Jazib Jun 11, 2010 08:28am
So You want to convert him into Rooster
Scheik Jun 11, 2010 08:34am
It is Allah to whom Heaven and hell belongs. If you dont have pure strong faith in Him but you have done many good deeds, do you think you'll enter Jannah just for those deeds? No matter where you think you are as a Muslim? If yes, then you need a serious study of your religion, IF you're a Muslim:)
s malik Jun 11, 2010 08:37am
Great Stuff Nadeem..
Scheik Jun 11, 2010 08:39am
Besides,todays era is a period full of 'fitnas'. Our Prophet P.B.U.H had already warned us of these times. All that these people are pondering upon is to create such mindsets in which being a good person is all that matters, no matter if you have strong faith in Allah or not. Believe me, this is a serious misconception. Many non muslims are brilliant people too, but since they're not Muslims,they can't enter jannah. This wordly life is ending, what is everlasting is the hereafter. And the basic key to success in the hereafter is IMAAN and NOT just good deeds.
Shah Jun 11, 2010 08:44am
yes, is there a collection of NFP's satires?
Kunal Jun 11, 2010 08:51am
Greetings from India, It was good reading ur blog... Humor is a difficult medium to convey serious and emotional issues..but you did a great job i feel.. looking forward to more from you.. Regards Kunal
sal Jun 11, 2010 08:54am
Where do you get "it is haram to shave a beard off"? If having a beard is "Sunnah", i.e. not obligatory , how can it be haram to shave it off? Is it also haram not to eat dates?
satyan Jun 11, 2010 08:55am
well said umeed bhai..
NAD Jun 11, 2010 09:08am
Dear Razia, What aftab is referring to what I believe is from the Almighty him self. This was when the jews in Medina did not accept Prophet Muhamamd (PBUH) who was praying facing towards Bait ul Maqdas. After total rejection from the jews end, it was declared that the jews are finished with, and NOW you are the best, implying Muslims, not Arabs only, and it was ordered to face towards the Kaaba in Arabia for prayers. So certainly those Arabs got to be the best, and Pakistanis too have that opportunity.
Stick to Koran Jun 11, 2010 09:16am
But not so well said Ahmed, Try to think for yourself for a change. I'd rather you think more about the comments from Razia and Haris.
Nida Jun 11, 2010 09:20am
LOL! Good one. Love reading stuff from all te disgruntled roosters that gather to attack NFP. As someone here said, each one of them keeps proving him right. :)
Salman Jun 11, 2010 10:02am
His articles aren't for you, dont read them simples!
I E Jun 11, 2010 09:57am
Are you serious?? hilarious, that you cared to paste this all here.
sal haider Jun 11, 2010 09:35am
Abid Jun 11, 2010 10:16am
Guys,let there be token opposition for the sake of democracy,freedom of expression.If his brother has potential,then who's to question him.If there is only praise and no criticism,then things become boring.Nobody likes a one-way contest.
Yasir Qadeer Jun 11, 2010 10:23am
NFP takes the cake again. Brilliant, concise and to the point. The question we should ask ourselves is: Why do we try to market religion or God as for that matter everywhere? IS religion or God actually a product?
imkhalid Jun 11, 2010 10:30am
ok write both, on Qadiyanis(ahmedis) and Freedom Flotila @ Gulshan: HAPPY
Abu Aayan Jun 11, 2010 10:46am
What a way of highlighting the fact - Humanity comes before any religion - Bravo Mr. Paracha.
Moin Khan Jun 11, 2010 10:48am
Then, avoid reading such articles no one is shoving them down your throat! Still there is lil amount of freedom left in cyber-world, which never existed in Pakistan, due to you know what!
Marium Jun 11, 2010 10:54am
hilarious !
Marium Jun 11, 2010 11:03am
i second it !
Moin Khan Jun 11, 2010 11:03am
NFP, congratulations this was till now one of the best Articles authored by you! Really hits the nail in the coffin; clearly these are the type of conversation you may see happening between Pakistanis, where a Pakistani lies to another Pakistani, where Both know they are lying to each other and sounding pathetically insane (both both have to follow their version of faith).
Rizoo Jun 11, 2010 11:48am
I don't know what people really mean by "humanity". But it is a fact that all religions emphasise on human values. Schools, colleges and universities provide education. But not to all. Same way, all religions teach how to respect humanity. But not all of us get this from religions. So, which comes first is a difficult question. Instead of proving one of them first, let's respect both.
Zeehsan Qureshi Jun 11, 2010 11:50am
NFP , I needless to say that the way you portrayed your message its awesome. you highlighted one of the truth of our life is be human first ,we see many good humans they are not Muslims yes no doubt its true that a Good Muslim is a good human. Humanity should not be part of ones religion , both are totally different concepts and theories. well NFP , I look forward to read a good writing like this.
A Common Sense Jun 11, 2010 11:52am
Plz spread the message among Muslims that ALLAH teaches to show MERCY not only for Human but also for all HIS creature including Animals.
Parus Jun 11, 2010 12:42pm
Great article once again by NFP.........this is really the true side of our society.
Zia Jun 11, 2010 12:44pm
First we should all become roosters, then we can crow over others.
Zia Jun 11, 2010 12:53pm
Rashid (and anyone else concerned), with all due respect, I appreciate your condemnation of the attacks, but please do not refer to Ahmadis as Qadyanis. I myself was unintentionally guilty of this error some time back. The term Qadyani is used rather casually by non-Ahmadis, but most don't realize that the Ahmadis themselves do not like it at all and never use it: if you have a look at comments or articles by Ahmadis, you will see that this term was popularized by the one man at the root of the persecution of the Ahmadis: Maududi. Thanks to his unfortunately popular work "Qadiani problem", the Ahmadis continue to suffer.
Cuckoo Jun 11, 2010 12:33pm
You don't find the "majority of the people" tolerant and patient because you haven't been close to them. Intolerance is not because of "this habit of wearing religion on our sleeves all the time" but an expression of other injustices in the name of religion. We have three distinct strata in the society. The top one is the product of elite schools, with a westernised outlook. This class has little desire to learn religion. This class tends to consider the other two as backward and intolerant. The middle one is the product of public school system, with nationalistic attitude but no analytical skills. The have the desire to learn religion but arrangements are inadequate. This class also considers the bottom one as backward. The lowest stratum is the product of madaris, who have little education in worldly affairs. They consider the top one as imposed on them while the middle one as their sympathisers. If we will stop calling them "mullay" and "monsters" and realise that they are no one else but few gone astray among us, we will be able to reintegrate them. But if we continue all the luxuries of life and blame others for being religiously intolerant, we are not doing good for sure.
Rajiv Jun 11, 2010 12:05pm
With all the magic you have.... i would love to read a long novel from you... it would be amazing if you write a script and we make a movie on it in bollywood... I honestly think it was the best in any form or media, print or electronic i ever read... Great job...
Rashid Jun 11, 2010 12:13pm
Buddy, I, myself, strictly condemn the attacks on Qadyanis, and NFP had already written about that, plus I never said that I don't want him to. Period. If he writes about Flotilla, he would have to touch the background, and the Gaza Blockade issue, that would then show that the case is not restricted to 9 people. The real victims are people residing in Gaza. I said: "Brother, why not, atleast, utilize equal amount of energies on both sides of the picture?" However, what NFP writes or not, is his choice, we cannot force. I just wanted to make a point. To take hold of the pen is a great responsibility.a
manulegend Jun 11, 2010 01:15pm
Dude.. NFP is a neutral Pakistani. He writes satire (btw awesome satires) about current affairs that he can see around him. He is not targeting Islam. He is targeting people who don't have half brains to even study the Book properly and listen to other people who doesnt have 3/4th brain and come up with interpretations of Holy book and hadiths. He is not criticising Islam, he is trying to make people think about how things can go if you blind yourself with the religion. BTW, religion is like Spectacle glasses through which you see, not a blindfold which keeps you in the dark and let you listen only to the Zaid Hamid and others. All in all, he is not a politician to give you answers. He is not a cleric to give you advice. NFP is a patriot who is dying everyday to see people around him becoming more and more soulless everyday with the religion which is supposed to unite them. NFP, you rock dude. Love your work.
SP Jun 11, 2010 12:59pm
Congrats NFP!! An excellent presentation of the prevailing atmosphere. --''Hold your tongue, Kamran. Or you too will end up ---'' like situation is very dangerous and proving very costly in developing the practice of rational thinking. This is an extremely frustrating situation for Intellectual Community. It was one of such frustration which forced the single Pakistani Noble Laurets (in Physics) Prof. Abdus Salam to established a world class Academic Center ICTP in Italy instead of Pakistan. (I wonder how many Pakistani are even aware of him and ICTP). A TRUTH IS ABSOLUTE, it can't be different for different person irrespective of our belief, a lot of which we borrow from our family and society. People who murder a person by labelling the charge of Blashphemy are indeed the ACTUAL BLASPHAMERS as their act underestimate the supremacy of ALMIGHTY, our creator, who can HIMSELF punish the guilty. Again congrats NFP, wish Almighty/Allah create thousands more like you to guide the brainwashed people to the path of Peace and Humanity.
hoshiar Jun 11, 2010 01:18pm
Really? Then why ban facebook?
Scheik Jun 11, 2010 01:22pm
hoshiar Jun 11, 2010 01:22pm
one has to become a human first to understand humanity, Rizoo. Try it.
Umeed Ki Kiran Jun 14, 2010 09:15am
Bukhari was a human. Human makes mistakes. So do Muslims. I agree with Goga.
Azhar Jun 11, 2010 01:56pm
NFP referred to people wearing dresses other then western dress as roosters and hens. Since my parents and i wear eastern dress, therefore, i feel uncomfortable to praise this article. I don't like to be called chiken.
Disgusted and disgruntled Jun 11, 2010 04:21pm
Good one !
RAK Jun 11, 2010 04:26pm
Hilarious.....really interesting article by NFP. Pretty much sums up what is happening in our country and brings out all the roosters who are trying to criticize him......
Big Bill Jun 11, 2010 04:45pm
NFP. You always write these hilarious pieces. I was wondering if you would want to turn it into a book. I mean compilation of small briefs or commentaries. I would definitely want to give such books to our ulemas who have shown utter ignorance.
Firstcomment Jun 11, 2010 04:48pm
Brilliant i really enjoyed the script, may you should writing some street plays maybe people will realise. but it was enjoyable , very intelligent. Wish people could add more intelligence in their criticism of problems that we face, it is a very rare quality. I guess one needs understanding and compansion. Pakistan is so lucky to have wow! Ashwin
Firstcomment Jun 11, 2010 04:52pm
i agree if ur cheated and harassed repeatedly you only end becoming as rutheless as the opperssor.
Canadian-Pakistani Jun 11, 2010 05:44pm
What a funny account of the real deal !!
saleem b Jun 11, 2010 07:58pm
"It wasn
Farhan S. Jun 11, 2010 08:20pm
Brilliant. Absolutely superfantistico! I feel vindicated. I thought I was the only one who felt agonized at the way my fellow countrymen thought of other religions and minorities. Far too long I have fought this lonely battle with other Pakistanis to change their view point. Glad to see there are plenty more like me. God bless NFP. Let's soldier on further. Allah is with us.
Ali Jun 11, 2010 09:02pm
Brilliantly said mate
Farhan Jun 12, 2010 02:17pm
"You have to make a choice
Fawad Siddiqui Jun 12, 2010 02:14pm
Fantastic writing NFP !! Enjoyed a lot !!
Scheik Jun 12, 2010 12:48am
AH Jun 12, 2010 12:59am
I really enjoy reading Nadeem's articles but I sometimes need to question the bias, Yes this article has portrayed a very culturally driven and unknowledgeable muslim and YES we get it, there are many around. However it's important to strike a balance and highlight the good now and again. For example, acknowledgement that there are many muslims in Pakistan that follow their faith very closely are open minded and forward thinking. It would be nice to draw upon some of the other benefits of faith, like for example discussing how we are the most charitable nation in the world and how many of our charities are religiously driven. Just a balance, that's all I ask for..
SB Jun 12, 2010 01:11am
If the people with your "thinking" are in "jannah" then no jannah for me, thank you!
Bilal Jun 12, 2010 01:13am
Salman I am hundred percent with you on that. I read this piece after a long time, just because of the title. And as always wanted to see what people thought of this article..and to my amazement people in Pakistan have started to take one step in reverse than forward.
raj Jun 12, 2010 01:17am
@Rizoo, Instead of proving one of them first, let's respect both. What do you mean by this? If for someone, religion comes first, and he kills 'kafirs' as per his/her interpretation of religion/as per some book, is it fine for you?
human being Jun 12, 2010 01:22am
Wonderful article. I am a new fan of yours NFP. You are hitting nail on its head...
Rational Jun 12, 2010 12:53pm
Why is your faith so weak that it should feel threatened by exposure to hypocrisies existing in our societty ?
Danish Kamal Jun 12, 2010 12:45pm
I would like to cite the dialogue from the article: "But there are thousands of hadith. Not all are correct. How do you know this one is correct?"
Zahra Jun 12, 2010 11:41am
No need to discourage the writer he has portrayed the bad realities our conservative thoughts in sophisticated way. Thanks
Nafees Jun 12, 2010 01:37pm
And yet you read NFP over and over again?
Ali Jun 12, 2010 02:34am
This is the first time I ever read a blog from Dawn. You did a great job. As much as it is true, is sad too :( God bless Pakistan. <3 Pak
The Alchemist Jun 12, 2010 03:16am
Only Nadeem Bhai is capable of writing such wonderful articles.When I first read Nadeem's articles,I feel that he is mocking Muslims,but later I do feel that he is crticizing the hypocrisy in society,which is a GOOD THING.But it would be better still if Nadeem were to declare his beliefs once and for all.Right now all he does is mock others.Self-analysis is an important thing and I feel Nadeem may be knowing about it. It is said that all geniuses have some or the weakness.Well Nadeem is para-normal.If only it were possible to analyze Nadeem's brain (like Albert Einstein's) after Nadeem is no more!
aneel Jun 12, 2010 03:33am
So why do you read his articles...
Junaid Jun 12, 2010 10:27am
Brilliant piece of satirical literature. Can be rightly labeled as the modern day Divine Comedy with NFP being the modern day Pakistani Dante.
Tahir Shaikh Jun 12, 2010 04:38am
Assalamuaalaikum I think that one should be careful before presenting one's opinion on Quran and Hadith. I am particularly concerned about comments such as 'There is no such thing as an authentic Hadith'. You have to make a choice - either to follow Islam or to reject it. If you follow it, then take it as a package, and do not take a 'pick and choose' approach. If you want to reject it, then do so, and leave those who want to please their Creator to get on with trying to follow the Quran and Sunna. What we cannot do is 'sit on the fence.' It is time to choose, I feel, and then to stay firm in our choice. What I find particularly sad is that the greatest ridiculing of Islamic teachings seems to be coming from Muslims themselves. Anyway, this does not in anyway justify the vilification of journalists such as NFP. The Quranic advice on dealing with such people is to respond with the words 'peace'. Making fun of someone else, however distasteful or blasphemous their views, is not acceptable in our Deen. What, should we lower ourselves to their level? And, who knows, Allah may guide them and have mercy on them and we may become misguided... May Allah guide us all to the truth and keep us on the straight path. Aameen.
Mizwanur from India Jun 12, 2010 04:50am
I love my Dog. He sleeps, eats and plays with me and is comforts me when I am down. I don't care what any Religion or book says.
Amol Jun 12, 2010 09:54am
Can't help laughing out loud. Good job Nadeem saheb. The humour reminds me of Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. Nadeem saheb do think about writing a book and yes as somebody commented, the style is similar to Vyang in Hindi literature. Cheers.
Shahzaib Jun 12, 2010 05:01am
@Jazib Saab! Did i mention anything like that? Holy Quran La Ikraha FidDeen [Let there be no compulsion in religion.] first know your religion how beautiful it is dont look at the muslims look at the scripture of Islam and best role model Prophet Muhammad PBUH.
vijay singh from ivory coast Jun 12, 2010 05:03am
A thought provoking satire.
Qudratullah Farooq Jun 12, 2010 07:42am
wah wah and more wah.. Thats all what i can say about this allegoricle article. Brilliant and love the writing.
Mehdi Jun 12, 2010 05:13am
I have five dogs but I lie outside Pakistan. My neighbors have the same opinion about dogs that they are paleet and when they bark, angels don't come to your house. My father had a beautiful Alsatian and when my neighbors wife had a heart attack he forced us to remove the dog because according to him the heart attack was caused by the dog's howling at night. They also believe that when a dog touches a Muslim his her prayers are not accepted until he washes him/her self. We need to change before it is too late. we are already at the edge and if we continue with such beliefs then we are doomed.
Umair Ali Rashid Jun 12, 2010 07:56am
The ultimate judgement lies with Allah alone. You are nobody to decide who enters Jannah or not.
curious Jun 12, 2010 05:24am
Scheik. You did not answer sal's question. Because of people like you, we muslims gets a bad image. You donot have any right to jugde who will Enter Jannah. This DECISION only rests with ALLAH & nobody's else. STOP being Judgemental. Live & let live. Make yourself worthy of good things :). By the way, I donot have a beard, does that mean, i will go to hell??
Umair Ali Rashid Jun 12, 2010 08:16am
The ultimate judgment resides with Allah alone. You're nobody to decide who enters Jannah or not.
Mohiuddin Jun 12, 2010 08:08am
blown out of proportion
Dr Omar Farooq Khan Jun 12, 2010 05:46am
Absolutely hilarious! Loved the satire and the easy reading and most of the entire message behind it! In this day & age Muslims in general & Pakistanis in particular have no idea what Islam as all about (since they don't bother reading, researching and looking up authentic references) & on top of that they comment as if they have all the knowledge in the world. No surprises here, since we don't look up answers, clerics with dogmatic views will continue to manipulate us, quoting references out of context & raving on with their conspiracy theories that each day, every Christian, Jew & non Muslim wakes up & thinks "how can I think of a new way to destroy Muslims today?" It
F Zafar Jun 12, 2010 06:00am
Hadith - Bukhari 3:515, Narrated Abu Huraira Allah's Apostle (SAW) said, "Whoever keeps a dog, one Qirat of the reward of his good deeds is deducted daily, unless the dog is used for guarding a farm or cattle." Abu Huraira (in another narration) said from the Prophet (SAW), "unless it is used for guarding sheep or farms, or for hunting." Narrated Abu Hazim from Abu Huraira: The Prophet (SAW) said, "A dog for guarding cattle or for hunting."
Khizzer Jun 12, 2010 06:11am
If my
Khizzer Jun 12, 2010 06:13am
The entire doctrine of Atheism goes against what you just wrote, Mr. Athiest. You
Kafeel Ahmad Jun 12, 2010 08:32am
Why blame Muslims only? Does being human first apply to Orthodox Jews in Israel or RSS people in India or Christian fundos in America? I believe all fringe religious elements everywhere, including our lot, are the same. Dogs? For a great majority of the people living in the far of towns and villages in Pakistan, a good dog is a companion and a necessaity. For them, it is a helpful creature of God. Having said that however, dear NFP, you have very successfully used the Dog similie to highlight your very valid point of view.
Sameer Jun 12, 2010 06:22am
When did Bukhari warned against his own collection of hadith? Can you give me a reference or probably you heard it from someone? All the scholar who collected hadith actually gave a proof of the authencity of their collection. I wonder on what basis you classify hadith as weak or adulterated. As for NFP article, he did not provide proof of his theory that hadiths are incorrect and he did not analyze the proof given by the scholar that hadith is authentic. He just gave opion
Khurram Jun 12, 2010 06:33am
Although I enjoyed the article which criticizes the thinking of men who consider being a good Muslim and a good human different. Nice work on that but I do wonder, why - why has Mr. Nadeem never found a single good Muslim who is a good human being as well and well if he had yet, I'd like to see an article on that too. Because all of us have found loads and loads of good human beings tamed by Islam in our families and friends ! Mr. Nadeem please show us the good side of the picture too ...
Muslim Jun 12, 2010 08:52am
Quran is a revelation so is hadeeth. For reference look at surat al najam. Since Allah has protected quran so is hadeeth. Kindly read about it before you pass such sweeping judgements. Hadeeth was written during the life of Prophet PBUH. Why do believe quran? It came out of Prophets mouth. Open quran look at surah al hujrat and see what Allah has decreed for those who even raise their voices above prophet, let alone challenge what he said. An authentic hadeeth, even single that reaches muttawatir status becomes a law in Islam. Could you kindly enlighten me about the humanity? Who sets the morals? Those who have killed half a million children? Writer like this really have no basic understanding about what \Islam is all about. I beg you open quran read with translation and see for yourself. " There is no compulsion in religion (quote the full verse) truth has become manifest....... Those who want to find fitnah will get it and quran only increases them in their misguidance. Read Islamic history seems to me you have all been fed on the western stuff only. What a pitty, what a loss.
Atif Jun 12, 2010 10:44am
just go there and distribute it..!? what are you talking about? lolz
Atif Jun 12, 2010 11:00am
There may be people of all religions imposing thier ideas on other in the name of thier religion. So its better to go and learn a religion from its own resources. So that you can recognize when someone is imposing thier own personal opinion in the name of thier religion. About Islam please learn about Islam first hand from the Quran, Sunnah and through various Known Islamic Scholars. Dont expecet to get an logical and accurate explanaion from every car driver about a blown up head gasket, or malfunctioning throttle sensor, because he/she is/may not a mechanic/engineer/specialist in this specified field.
Scheik Jun 12, 2010 11:03am
No one can go to heaven without Imaan in his/her heart. And that is a clear cut thing for every believer. I wonder why you're even questioning me on this. How will u go to jannah if you dont believe in its Creator in the first place? And for the beard thing, I never judged that either. I just told the rule of Islam.not having a beard or having it is purely your decision, but telling people about something they don't know is necessary. And thats just what I did. Stop taking wrong meanings and stop arguing on religion when u all don't even know the basics. If you have problems with what I say, you should carry out your own researches, instead of making a target out of myself.
Ejaz Jun 12, 2010 11:03am
Bro! your writings are primarily aimed at conservative people. A very thin portion of such people actually bother to read Dawn. They are so few in number that one can even count them on fingers. You are targeting a wrong market. You should rather be writing in Urdu dailies so that they are able to understand what you. You have been wasting your time so far addressing a wrong audience.
Scheik Jun 12, 2010 11:05am
I never decided whos going to hell or heaven nauzbillah. Kindly read over my comments again,between the lines.
Ejaz Jun 12, 2010 11:11am
Why do you always make up stories to prove you point?
Goga Nalaik Jun 12, 2010 11:25am
How many here believe in Abu Hurera and his hadiths... Anyway, not me ! Now I'm sure you'll declare me Kafir in your response. Goga Nalaik
Zahra Jun 12, 2010 11:54am
very good. remarkable effort
Zaheer Jun 12, 2010 12:19pm
Brilliant Article NFP! You are doing great job, This is the exact situation in our society, We are not only intolerant towards animals but human as well, and those who dont follow are agree with us we are ready to kill or through them out of world and Pakistan. This is the main reason why Pakistanis are suffering in whole world! We need to develop tolerance and patience in us in order to survive! God bless Pakistanis!
Abid Jun 12, 2010 12:20pm
We all know what is in NFP's brain. Zaid hamid, Zia ul Haque, Junaid Jamshed, Aamir liaquat etc.
Achuchu Jun 12, 2010 02:36pm
They are better stories than the ones made up by religious fanatics, don't you think?
Achuchu Jun 12, 2010 02:40pm
Hmmm. Now we know what's in your brain as well. Not much, I'm afraid.
reh Jun 12, 2010 02:46pm
Agree with you..we are part of a society who already dont like these conservatives.
Goga Nalaik Jun 14, 2010 12:17pm
Yeah, true
Andy Jun 12, 2010 03:53pm
Nadeem, Consider taking things to the next level. Either compile this sort of satirical social commentary into an insightful book or, should you decide to stick to blogging, try to assess Pakistan's socio-political future from a cultural framework. There are few who can do either as well as you. Best, Andy.
sanjay Jun 12, 2010 03:54pm
It's not about Dog, Man. It is just symbolic animal, meaning is ideology and something deep. Understand the satire! Enjoy the moment of truth. LOL
Madan LalMadan Lal Jun 12, 2010 04:07pm
I wonder that Aalims want Muslims to be the Muslims first or Humans ? That is greatest dilema within the community. I don;t know when and how Moulives/Aalims would bring out thier ppl out of this Paradox.
Prashant Kumar Sharma Jun 12, 2010 05:03pm
Wow, i didn't stopped reading till i was finished. Great article, with a even greater insight.
curious Jun 12, 2010 05:21pm
Scheik. Well brother, i think you are really confused. Read my post again. Does my post sound I donot have Faith in Allah. Do you know what you are writing in the first place or you are just writing for the sake of it. Regarding the beard, can you quote me a verse from the Quran which it says it is haraam to shave off the beard. I am waiting. Thanks.
Rajesh Jun 12, 2010 07:15pm
Have you ever written positive on Islam religion as a whole! I would love to read praising Islam in his article,I will wait!
Abu Aayan Jun 12, 2010 09:29pm
You are right that all religions teach the basics of humanity, but you wrong in saying that "we dont get it from religion". This is mainly because we do not follow our religions purely. We try to interpret things as per our desires and then expect the promised Blessings. Plus its not about considering something first or second. There are people in this world who do not follow any religion but are excellent human beings. So when I said humanity comes first, I meant that in any case if something contradict and sounds inhumane then for sure that is where you are missing something in your religion, because no religion will teach to put the morals of humanity back.
shafikshafikk Jun 12, 2010 10:01pm
Just brilliant and very honest work , hinting at our pan Islamic debility and utter incompetency to call our selves even human beings .
T. Khan Jun 13, 2010 03:43am
Ejaz, NFP's writings are not for you; you will never be abel able to grasp the inkling! Yes, you are the wrong audience.
T. Khan Jun 13, 2010 03:54am
Khurram, NFP is a good Muslim! He doesn't have to look for one!
Nasser Jun 14, 2010 09:22am
Ask the people who are forced to wear a beard and hijab. Maybe they too don't want to be known as chicken. btw, in no way does NFP poke fun at 'eastern dress.' He is parodying a look that some people call 'religious.'
Abbas Jun 13, 2010 06:02am
Really funny....typical Nadeem's style
jibran Jun 13, 2010 07:02am
Confusing taunting and then misleading..! hope you will consider our opinions in your favour..!
Ahmed Jun 13, 2010 07:38am
Thats what I have been telling NFP. But either he does not get the message or the urdu dailies dont give him space in their publications.
Lala Kahn Jun 14, 2010 09:27am
@Bilal If exhibiting bigotry and violence in the name of religion is akin to taking a step 'forward,' well, I think I'd rather stick to humanist writings of NFP.
Goga Nalaik Jun 13, 2010 11:22am
Micky Shetty Jun 13, 2010 11:29am
Dear NFP, Why people are so adamant that they are not able to decide what is wrong and what is right in our country after so much of HAVOC in our country. They are still of the view that their knowledge is best about Islam. I can bet that they have not read even 10% of the books related to Islam.
Micky Shetty Jun 13, 2010 11:31am
We can see the teaching imparted in Pakistan
F.A Jun 13, 2010 12:38pm
Scheik said and I quote, ''Many non Muslims are brilliant people too, but since they
gta Jun 14, 2010 08:17am
You have chosen a name that perfectly suits you.
Sam Jun 13, 2010 01:28pm
Hi NAD, Could you please give me the Hadith references on the above. Thanks Sam
Akshay Jun 14, 2010 07:54am
Dear Tahir, The writer is not making fun of anyone here. He is simply expressing a point of view and to put it across he is using satire. The problem with religion today is that everyone says theirs is the RIGHT PATH. But how can every one be right? Then it means everyone is wrong!! So in my view the best thing is LIVE AND LET LIVE and be open to new ideas and discuss each other's point of view. Just dont put a blanket on DISCOURSE.
Gulshan Jun 13, 2010 05:42pm
Because most of the Pakis who grew up with Military-Mullah brand of Islam, have put on the shelf their basic human (humane, sensisible, rational, logical, tolrent) thinking and this perhaps is NFP's way to wake them up so they dust off and start using Allah's gift to us. Remember, life is a gift of god to us, and what we make of it is our gift to God.
Rajiv Jun 14, 2010 10:54am
I suggested the same Andy.. cause a book will have wider and far more serious audience... i am sure that book would be a major hit with overseas pakistanis who after living in another world really can relate to what NFP says.
Sam Jun 13, 2010 07:50pm
Dont understand why talking about going to 'jannah' when you still have an entire life to look onto...think about what you have rite now than something that you gonna get in the future...and anyways, who knows who gets what after life.
saleem b Jun 13, 2010 08:22pm
He has to use stories because you do not want to see the country burning around you.
saleem b Jun 13, 2010 08:25pm
Goga jee don't waste time and energy
mujahid Jun 13, 2010 08:53pm
I agree. Dawn is read by the educated class, and by educated I do not mean literate. The message you want to convey is not for the dawn faithful, its for those who are stuck between being a Muslim and a human.
Muorti Jun 13, 2010 10:38pm
So if religion comes before humanity, what is the purpose of religion? Religion started to make us better humans, it is not an end in itself, it is a means to an end (of humanity)
Amber Jun 14, 2010 05:36am
Now that's what I call hitting the bull's eye!
Ali Jun 14, 2010 06:15am
@ Nalaik, Bro its not about labeling you as kafir. The Hadith is from Sahih Bukhari and the exact ref is there as well. Take some pain and check it for yourself. Now you will say i do not believe in Sahih Bukhari. :)
Goga Nalaik Jun 14, 2010 11:31am
Rajesh, Please don't misunderstand NFP and this article. We have no problem with our religion Islam which is indeed a religion of peace. Things become complicated when it comes to interpret it ... What would you when you are given 100 different interpretations of the same chapter from our holy book! In a country where 60% of its population is illiterate, it is damn easy to misguide innocent people and prepare them to commit acts of absolute horror. One suggestion: please do read NFP regularly. Goga Nalaik
Taimourstool Jun 14, 2010 12:04pm
Good think NFP. your articles continue to reflect the typical thinking of the narrow minded Pakistanis. however, all humour by you tends to be quite similar to the last.
Goga Nalaik Jun 14, 2010 12:14pm
Since when "arabs have become the best" ??? Should I take it as a joke? There are 1,5 billion of Muslims on this planet. If we stand united, we can become a real force (in terms of economy). Well, it is not the case because of these Beduins and you call them "the best". Only Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto and Mahatir Mohamad of Malaysia tried to unite this community but in vain. In recent times, Ahmedinejad gave it a try but unfortunately, without any positive outcome. In this country, everything is possible in the name of religion. All you have to do is to launch a slogan in the name of ALLAH, and there you go ... Goga Nalaik
Goga Nalaik Jun 14, 2010 12:22pm
ha ha ha well said!
Parachafan Jun 14, 2010 12:37pm
I second that man...I would cherish such a book and promise to get at least 100 copies sold...NFP is a gem and Pakistan is Lucky to have him...
Abid Jun 14, 2010 12:40pm
Paracha endeavours to be "Jon Stewart" of Pakistani media.He needs airtime and Urdu language for widespread propagation.Anyway,average Pakistani's main plight is economics.He will follow the one who will get rid of this problem.Till that,religious parties will have a strangle hold in certain areas and liberal parties would still make compromises with them.A radical change in mindset seems still a long shot.
Micky Shetty Jun 14, 2010 12:50pm
Well said Goga, This is the real problem. Different people have given different meanings to the readings and finally the situation has reached to this level. One ultimate solution is to seperate out State working and religion totally. One request Please rename yourself as "GOGA HOSHIYAR"
Goga Nalaik Jun 14, 2010 12:58pm
It is also to check your intellectual level and you've just proved it ...! How can you confirm I'm nalaik when you don't even know me! By default, you have placed yourself in the position of superiority and degraded me. You know everything and me nothing ... I call it arrogance and if I'm not mistaken, arrogance is not permitted in our religion. Hope you'll think twice next time! Goga Nalaik
Goga Nalaik Jun 14, 2010 02:13pm
Yeah, I'm a fervent supporter of this idea of a Secular Pakistan.
tamil Jun 14, 2010 03:35pm
Hi started reading you articles before one month .But every article written by you is impressive.... You and jawed naqvi are always impressive..
Hammad Khawaja Jun 14, 2010 03:58pm
Politics and Religion should be kept separate, you will never be able to finish all these stupid disputes otherwise.
Goga Nalaik Jun 15, 2010 10:27am
What do you mean by "half muslim brothers" ??? Explain please
Goga Nalaik Jun 15, 2010 10:32am
Very right!
Shub Jun 14, 2010 07:49pm
Well, easy to say so, Why don't you explain it then?
Farhad Jun 15, 2010 10:51am
Not Impressive. You have written better than this one Nadeem
Goga Nalaik Jun 15, 2010 10:58am
Pardon me about this message which has nothing to do with the great article written by NFP. Some people have completely misunderstood it (as usual) and some of them are trying to drag me into another debate. ______________________________ To Muzammil, With respect, as far hadtis writings are concerned, I would like to tell you that Abu Hurera has never been a reference to me. What I wrote was my personal opinion. It is your right not to share it but please for heavens sake, don't take me for an ignorant. So I persist and I sign! Goga Nalaik
Aisha Choudhry Jun 15, 2010 12:58am
ok NP .. u really make me laugh out loud .. and really turn things around .. i have never lauged out loud on any blog before in my life ..!! u rock .. =) i shared this on my facebook ..
Old Gold Jun 15, 2010 11:28am
NFP sure has a strange effect on people. Some love him, some want him banished to Mars. Hidden, quiet and hardly ever seen in public, NFP's been around for a good 15 years now, and man, he's still swinging generations of Pakistanis left and right. Kudos.
Muzammil Jun 15, 2010 07:00am
Goga Nalaik, With respect, please go through some Islamic books and learn some history before making such irresponsible statements. I believe you're being arrogant and mistaken here brother. Warm Regards,
Uzair Jun 15, 2010 02:16am
Accentuates the narrow-mindedness of average Pakistani people in a very typical NFP style. Nicely done.
Lala Kahn Jun 15, 2010 07:17am
Dude, exactly what is a 'half Muslim brother?' This is the kind of stuff NFP's satire thrives on.
Awais Jun 15, 2010 07:52am
There is so much more to write about.. but I guess I'd still call this piece of writing an article.. :p
Bilal Jun 15, 2010 07:56am
Gulshan Jun 15, 2010 07:58am
No, my friend. Situation is much worse than this. Thers is a reason why almost all terrorist act in the world are traced back to Muslims to Pakistan. 90 Ahmadies (Paki Citizens)got killed and hundred others wounded in their own country while praying to Allah and not a single persom arrested, leave alone punishment.
Doogler Jun 15, 2010 04:02am
It may be his real name
Hammad Jun 15, 2010 04:02am
Kinda Murky Article... Two Points 1. If Mr NFP is hitting on the ubiquitous so called religious scholars across the country claiming to be the harbinger of truth and directing us to follow the Quran then its OK.... Great Article! 2. But if, he is sarcastically making a mockery of our half Muslims brothers, then a character needed to be added for a happy ending .. what I mean to say is that what is projected is wrong, what should be done needs to be incorporated for those, who most people referred to as 'Illiterate' in their comments, so that this article will become a conduit of correctness. Last but not the least .. AGAIN 'ZAID HAMID' .. come on man leave this guy alone .. P.S. Great Article .. Enjoyed Reading and Spreading ..
Rumi Jun 15, 2010 08:20am
And your's is too? Doogler.
Doogler Jun 15, 2010 04:18am
This is precisely what NFP is trying to highlight. You are the true "Qurban". What else does your Hadith tell you to do? You are living a life of a robot.
Ayesha Khan Jun 15, 2010 04:22am
Go through the blog responses. Plenty of Muslims believe in the dogs being palit idea.
Ayesha Khan Jun 15, 2010 04:25am
HE does not insult Islam -ever. HE does make fun of mullahs who misuse Islam and mislead people. HE does not create hate. In fact he speaks up against intolerance and hate whether it be based on religion, nationality or cultural practices.
Ayesha Khan Jun 15, 2010 04:41am
Now after all these Ahmadiya targeting riots have occurred, do you still think he was wrong to point out the hatefulness of people who own online show on pvt tv channels ?
manulegend Jun 15, 2010 12:19pm
Rajesh.. Bro.. NFP has never insulted Islam. He has never written anything that is negative about Islam. He has never dreamt of defaming Islam. He is just pissed with the people who walk around him talking utter nonsense and getting useless inferences from the Holy Book. He always is against ideologies of men who are born in this generations but left their brains in the stone age. Again, NFP is a patriot and his specialty is social and political satires. Each one has a job to do. Dogs bark and donkeys bray. You wouldnt like Microsoft selling flowers now will you? Same case. NFP writes brilliant satires. Period. Dont expect him to give solutions, that is your politician's job. Dont ask for advice, that is your preacher's job.
Abid Jun 15, 2010 01:43pm
Goga jee,you may persist but logic wins. One may disagree with Newton's gravitation laws but he has to provide sound reasons for his stance,otherwise he will be considered ignorant.nothing personal
rabia zia Jun 15, 2010 03:15pm
i wish apart from the two sorts of characters in the story, there was a third one too. there's kamran (NFP personified) who looks suspiciously at anything and everything religious. and there are ashfaq and qurban who refuse to have a brain of their own. but i wish there was a fourth examplary muslim character who'd politely and intelligently resolve the matter and bury the poor dog!!! oh but then it could not have been a writing by NFP who only thinks there are two sorts of muslims ..... civilized humans taking religion forgranted and calling it being liberal ....and animals!
Faizan Jun 15, 2010 06:04pm
Very NFP style article, very rarely I find ur articles a bit positive this was one of them, a very serious issue highlighted actually quite more than one issue!! I wonder if you ever think weather you actually reach and address the people correctly like the people who are liberal(if i may say that) always appreciate and praise your article but people in whom the NFP articles should ignite a thought would not appreciate this heavy sarcasm, i wish they do though..
Goga Nalaik Jun 16, 2010 09:36am
Dear Abid, Your reasoning is partially logical. Newton was a scientist and in science, there is no "inbetween solution". Abu Hurera was not a scientist but a narrator. This is the partial response to what you wrote. You will have the second part of my answer when you will confirm me the following: - DOB and DOD of our Holy Prophet pbuh - DOB and DOD of Abu Hurera Goga Nalaik
Nadir Jun 15, 2010 08:23pm
Goga Nalaik = NFP? Well Im sure he comments here too. NFP does not write articles about praising islam because he is not laalchee for sawab.
Tahir Shaikh Jun 16, 2010 12:39am
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah The verse 'There is no compulsion in religion' means that people cannot be forced to enter Islam. Once someone has decided, consciously, to become a Muslim, the Quran enjoins people to 'enter Islam completely'.
Cheetah Jun 16, 2010 01:16am
Good Nadeem sahib very nice
Nasir Jun 16, 2010 01:31am
That is why you are always ahead of Fasi Zaka ;)
ayesha Khan Jun 16, 2010 02:36am
When he doesn't write stories but writes about actual people e.g. Zaid Hamid, Imran Khan, Amir Laiqat, Shahbaz Sharif, Hamid Mir and their message of intolerance as well as sympathy for Taliban, then too people accuse him. Basically, some people have a problem with his message whether he gives actual time lines of events, or dramatizes stories or identifies hypocritical television personalities and politicians.
ayesha Khan Jun 16, 2010 02:43am
I can agree that all bearded men are not fanatic. But why do you say that all women wearing hijab are not conservative? They are culturally conservative - nothing wrong with that as long as they do not impose their values on others.
SK Jun 16, 2010 05:37am
OMG, hats off to you Nadeem, simply stunning...I am impressed...keep rocking, I am with you.
vijay Jun 18, 2010 05:25am
Only peace, love and tolerance glorify the religion. When god created all the people who is enemy to whom? God has no personal bias to any individual but he see how his creation is doing as a whole. So i think its collective responsibility of all the human beings to see the smile of the god never fades.
Bint E Mehmood Jun 20, 2010 08:48am
Excellently written... Paracha is really good at shaking people's grey matter:)..keep up the good work...
omer farooq Jun 21, 2010 08:24am
Great as usual! But please Zaid Hamid is a thing of the past, you are giving him publicity............I mean people read your articles.
mansoor mahmood Jun 22, 2010 05:18am
It is true there is no problem with the religion Islam but the interpretation by some so called mullahs, who are totally illiterate,with their wrong interpretation are not only misleading the 60% illiterate people but also damaging Islam,and helping enemies of Islam in their propaganda against Muslim around the world, its such a sad situation, and our government should try to tackle this problem by making sure that in future if any one want to be a mullah or a religious preacher are educated and in full knowledge of Islam, holding a proper degree or diploma from a recognised institution or university.
AP Jun 29, 2010 10:16am
Awesome stuff Nadeem bhai.
Hard core Fan Jul 09, 2010 12:18pm
I love dogs and any living thing as long as they are peaceful and great to be around.LONG LIVE NFP