I’m delighted by the resurgence of the legends of yore under the banner of “Defense of Pakistan Council” (DPC, a coalition of more than 40 quasi-political religious parties). This defense mechanism couldn’t have transpired at a better time since we’re presently faced with some incredibly serious threats to our national security – granting MFN status to the wily Hindus, re-opening of the Nato Supplies, and the apocalyptic Memo to name a few.

If you’re wondering: Why this kolaveri di about the old hombres? Take a quick peek into our glorious past, and you’ll be aroused from the slumber as well.

Some 33 years ago, when the Soviets invaded Afghanistan to protect the sinful communist regime, the pious Ameer of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, General Zia ul Haq, got extremely worried and immediately recognised the threat this offensive had posed to the entire Muslim Ummah living in Pakistan.

Ameer, perturbed by the development, beckoned his finest men to chalk out a strategy for tackling the Red Menace creeping into the backyard.

His sages pondered hard and the then Minister of Foreign Affairs, Agha Shahi proposed three plausible options: to confront the Reds directly; to acquiesce in the faith accompli; or just protest on the available international forums. Ameer deliberated at length, and on the advice of his adorable spy-chief, General Akhtar Abdur Rehman, the most sensible option was chosen:

Kabul must burn.

Ameer called for Jihad, and things started to smolder in the name of God.

From all over the (Arab) world, and from the nation itself, aspiring Mujahideen came out in perplexing numbers, shouting: “mard-e-momin, mard-e-huq, Zia ul Haq, Zia ul Haq”; they enthralled the streets, villages, and cities of Pakistan; walls were chalked with mouth-watering invitations to get commando-training from the state-sponsored training facilities (subsidised Jihad); and green-beret style jackets, trousers, trainers, keffiyehs, carefully maintained unkempt beards, and men’s fine jewelry like Kalashnikovs, grenades and RPGs became the new fashion statement.

But the most extraordinary spectacles were seen on the toughest war fronts where some unknown men riding unicorns with swords emanating blinding lights were seen helping the Mujaihdeen. “Dude that was out of this world,” remembers Ziddi Hamid, a renowned Youtube warlord, and a war veteran himself.

One of the most influential figures of that era was His Holy Highness Maulana Samilul Haq, the “Father of Taliban”. The man currently chairs the DPC. He was running the Republic’s finest University of Jihad, aka Darul Uloom Haqqania, in the bordering area with Afghanistan. It has produced some of the world’s brightest students (Pashto: Taliban), who have served inexorably ever since graduating from their alma mater. Ameer ul Momineen, Mullah M. Omar is one such distinguished alumnus.

But Maulana was not alone. Jamat-e-Islami (now a member of DPC), and some other Hizbs (groups) belonging to the pure brand Islam were also at it. They all helped channelise the beaming energies of the youth to a positive use – Jihad with the infidels.

These revered ideologues were not only experts in pure Islamic ideology, but had also made truly remarkable discoveries in the field of ‘Ideology of Pakistan’, hitherto unknown to the stupid general populace; and with their untiring efforts, the pious I’m-a-Muslim-and-I-will-kill-all-the-freaking-enemies-of-Islam belief took root in the Islamic republic.

The Jihad gained much needed momentum by the year 1985: Internally, against the innovationists, spreading Bidah and Shirk; and externally, against the communist infidels.

The Soviets, who’d been pushed to the wall by then, finally left Afghanistan in 1989. But the Mujahideen did not. They, under the gracious patronage of General Hamid Gul, who’s also in DPC now, continued the holy war against the Soviet-sponsored government of Muhammad Najibullah.

Yes, I intentionally skipped the Professor (the real impetus behind the DPC), and his momentous role in the armed campaign against communism, and thereafter. I won’t even divulge his name lest some traitor should run away with the bounty. Suffice to say, the kaffirs have declared him as a “Most Wanted”; Great Satan has announced $10m on his head for his alleged role in 2008 Mumbai terror attacks; and Interpol, a lackey of the bloody imperialists, has issued a Red Corner Notice for him. But he’s clean – High Courts don’t lie.

Whilst it’s true that all these groups were fighting for a single cause in Afghanistan, but they were never really conflated – all had subtle differences. They were, however, still going on, when suddenly one tragic morning they were jolted to the core when a C-130 came down crashing with Ameer, sadly, still on board. The Jihad could still have recovered from the shock of losing its patron if Hamid Gul’s forces had not failed in Jalalabad – he tried to conquer the city from the Afghan’s Military in the spring of 1989, and hand it over to Hekmatyar, but the switch to conventional warfare didn’t yield dividends.

The Jihad never recovered from Jalalabad, and the warriors disintegrated. Some were assimilated into the Kashmir’s completely indigenous freedom struggle, but that, too, was an ephemeral venture.

The nation faced decades of despair, and despondency without its heroes. But the warriors are now rising again, hand in hand, rubbing their shoulders with each other. While many believe every one of them is a powerhouse in himself, few truly recognise their strength as a unified entity. And if they succeed to reclaim the honour, and position they used to enjoy in the days of Ameer, we’ll surely get back on the ‘right’ track soon.

Let’s burn a Kabul again.


The writer is an Economics graduate; set to start working as a trainee-student in an Audit firm.


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

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