“I like hearing myself talk. It is one of my greatest pleasures. I often have long conversations with myself, and I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying,” that was Irish writer and poet Oscar Wilde two centuries ago.

These days, people don’t have time to talk to themselves let alone their partner or even the potential spouse. Such is the way of life in the modern world that spoken words have been replaced by text messages which replaced email messages which became popular as soon as the postal messages went out of fashion.

There are many ways in which communication—abundance and lack of which—can effect your relationship. Not talking to your mother can make her feel depressed; not messaging your sweetheart can halt your ‘budding’ infatuation while forgetting your wife’s birthday can be as devastating as dropping an atom bomb on yourself. Wherever the communication is strong, the bond is stronger and vice versa.

Freelance journalist Farah Zahidi Moazzam, however, feels one first needs to identify ‘effective communication’ because it is then the message to be conveyed gets across to the other person as intended. “Sometimes, for example, a husband may want to convey an apology but his body language conveys something else and misunderstandings build up. Also, everybody's need for communication is different. In a marriage in particular, if feelings remain pent up like anger and disappointment, at a later stage bitterness will set in.” If after a break-up, closure is not achieved, the thoughts keep re-erupting. After a parent's death, grieving should be a process that involves crying, venting and communicating the pain otherwise depression sets in, she adds.

The most important aspect of a healthy relationship is effective communication between both parties. Ineffective interaction can result in hasty decisions that one might regret later. A friend on ‘condition of anonymity’ discussed his separation which occurred due to the lack of communication. As he elaborates, “Spouses must share fears, hopes, dreams and disappointments otherwise both go into their shells. Communication has the power to build or destroy relationships. It has an impact. Life is about impacting people... in any relationship.”

There are many associations other than romantic ones in which effective communication holds the key. Mrs Kiran Ashar, mother of two, feels it is the best way to educate her growing children. “My kids know exactly what I expect them to know. One look and they know that they are doing something they shouldn’t be doing. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they are always in mischievous mood because when they are doing something constructive, I don’t stare but love them.”

Educationist Samina Farooqi Ahmed, concurs, “Effective discourse is a two-way street. Open and honest communication is the foundation of any relationship whether personal or professional. It is all the more vital when you are a mother since you need to have a feel of what you are dealing with. It enables you to set limits for your kids besides making them feel secure.”

Similarly, long lost friends always complain ‘you never call’ whenever they meet and had you communicated with them, things wouldn’t have taken the wrong turn. Marketing Executive Yahya Ghaznavi feels that ‘not constant but frequent’ always wins the day. “Clear communication holds the key in relationships. It also opens up a lot of personal and professional avenues which is an advantage in modern times,” he explains.

How true! However, even the calmest amongst us are at times under stress for the wrong reasons. There are times when stress of work makes a person withdrawn and reserved. Sometimes it’s the financial problems whereas lastly the problem is of personal nature. Whatever the cause, the subject only becomes irritated at home but also makes life hell for others.

As Ahmed concludes, “One must be willing to learn from mistakes. If a person fails to understand a perspective, the other must not give up and continue their efforts. Listening plays a pivotal role, in any relationship.”

Listening, understanding and compassion are all keys to a relationship whereas lack of communication is the first step towards a failed relationship. If we listen more to our heart than to our mind and communicate with others regularly and effectively, the world in the end would become a better place for all of us.