Some weeks ago, a teenaged student of Rutgers University in New Jersey committed suicide after a video of his intimate relationship with another student was posted on a live stream portal. Upon discovering what his colleague had done, he posted a farewell on his Facebook page and jumped to his death.

The incident was termed another severe case of cyber bullying and joined the list of hundreds of recorded and perhaps many more unrecorded incidents of bullying that occur in cyber space all around the world. Tyler Clements' death has brought the issue of cyber bullying into the forefront in America again, particularly after popular talk show host and actress, Ellen DeGeneres, went on air to condemn the act and make a plea to all bullies, all parents and all young persons, to find a solution for this menacing trend that is warping and destroying the future of our children.

Ellen's words were simple and made a huge impact. She said, “My mind is drawing blanks as to where one would even look for a solution to cyber bullying. As adults who know better, are we setting the example?”

Kids have a tendency to be cruel. Especially kids low on self-esteem and needing attention due to many factors affecting them - lack of parental care; domestic violence; too much indulgence and who knows what else. While parents have risen to search for a solution to stop such incidents, it is virtually (in every sense of the word) impossible to contain or monitor every activity that a child is indulging in while on the Net.

Do we condemn and ban the use of the internet for young children? Again, that's impossible. Since computer usage or rather the efficiency of a student on the computer these days gauges his or her level of capability in the classroom, how can even parents ban their children from spending time on it? In fact teachers seem to be obsessed about every child being computer savvy and efficient regarding all researching techniques on the internet.

I will cite an example regarding that particular tendency. When my son was in grade four and was told to research on some science homework, I asked him to refer to the encyclopaedia at home, in which I had invested considerable money. He tried telling me that the teacher said it should be done on the internet and I said this is better than the internet and your teacher would be more pleased with you for making the effort. He did as I said and the next day came home dejected.

Incidentally, the teacher had given him negative marks for not using the internet and instead referring to a 'book' even if he had added the bibliography at the end. If my son had not pleaded with me to forget about the incident instead of going to give the teacher, the principal and the board about what I thought of their teaching methods, there would have been a huge showdown at his school.

The point here is not just about teaching methods but about turning technology into a crutch rather than a tool. In the process of establishing the computer as a necessity we have forgotten to draw lines of what is right and what is wrong in the virtual realm that lays open before us. Even as email users we often get numerous forwards that make fun of somebody or the other - movie stars, politicians even our own colleagues and friends and we laugh and pass it on.

Is that not cyber bullying? Is that permissible behaviour just because no one is watching you press that button?

Cyber space is a particularly dangerous place because it does not allow our conscience time to check our base impulses and in a knee jerk reaction we commit many acts without realising the impact that it might have. Bullying amongst children is in its own a serious issue regarding which teachers and parents have to be vigilant. But while physical bullying can be identified through visible marks there is no way to discover who is being maligned in cyber space.

Hope Witsell from Florida was another victim of cyber bullying who ended her life last year by hanging herself from the ceiling fan when her boyfriend circulated explicit pictures of her to the cell phones of everyone he knew in the neighbourhood. Seeing her indecent images go viral and then enduring all sorts of taunts and verbal attacks proved too much for her and ending her life appeared the only solution. She was 13 years old when she hanged herself.

In case parents are living in the hope that their children will never do anything wrong, please wake up and realise that cyber bullying is a huge epidemic — whether you are in Pakistan or North America. And talking to kids about protecting themselves as well as not indulging in any such behaviour can save some child's life.

maheenrashdi@yahoo.ca