Dear Auntie,
I am a 22-year-old man, currently doing my MA in English from the University of Sindh. Although I am happy with my studies and focused on my future, I am worried about my elder brother. He is extremely unsupportive and insensitive towards people’s feelings.
My father recently retired from his job and, like many retirees, he may have to wait several months for his payout, including pension and gratuity, to be calculated and paid. Hence, until our father gets his compensation, my brother and I must now help support the family.
‘My Elder Brother Is Not Helping Out the Family’
However, my brother is trying to avoid his financial responsibilities to the family. I don’t know how to handle this situation.
Worried Brother
Dear Worried Brother,
A breadwinner’s retirement can put a family under financial strain. For you to be upset with your elder brother for not contributing and doing his bit is completely understandable. In our culture, children are often expected to help their parents by sharing the financial burden if they are in a position to do so.
However, before concluding that your brother is selfish, try to understand why he is avoiding this responsibility. Is he earning enough to be able to contribute? Does he have financial commitments of his own? Or does he simply think that supporting the household is someone else’s problem? These are important questions because you cannot expect everyone to contribute equally at home if their circumstances are different.
You need to sit down with your father and brother and discuss the family’s finances openly. Work out how much money is needed each month for things such as groceries, utility bills and other expenses, and how much each person can contribute realistically.
Instead of accusing your brother of being insensitive or stingy, you should explain to him that the family needs his help during this difficult time. As in most things in life, an open discussion will probably achieve more than an argument.
Also, remember that you are only 22 years old and are still studying. While helping your family is important, you should not sacrifice your education or take on more responsibilities than you can reasonably manage.
You could also consider tutoring or taking on part-time work without compromising your studies. At the same time, you should not assume that your father’s retirement benefits from his workplace will solve every financial problem that your family is facing. The family needs to think about managing its expenses in the long term, particularly now that he will no longer receive his regular salary.
Your brother may or may not agree to help and you cannot force him. But you can make your expectations known to him and encourage your family to figure out how to stay afloat under the changed circumstances. Don’t let resentment towards your brother distract you from building your own future.
Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, November 1st, 2026
