Dear Auntie,

I am stuck in a frustrating situation with my friend group and I don’t know how to deal with it anymore.

Whenever we are out in public or around other people, my friends make jokes at my expense, which deeply embarrass me. When I get upset or show my anger, they immediately turn it back on me, saying things such as “calm down, it was just a joke”, or telling me that I have no sense of humour.

This leaves me feeling completely cornered and forced to pretend everything is fine, even though I feel disrespected. It feels like they use humour as an excuse to push my boundaries, and then make me feel guilty for standing up for myself.

How do I deal with friends who make me the centre of their jokes and how can I set boundaries when they constantly minimise my feelings?

Hoping for your advice,

So Hypnotised

Dear So Hypnotised,

There is a fairly simple test for a joke: are the people involved laughing? If one person is repeatedly being humiliated, while everyone else is having a good time at their expense… it has stopped being funny.

It may be that your friends genuinely think this is harmless banter. But once you have made it clear that you are not enjoying the jokes being made at your expense, then their saying that “you can’t take a joke” is simply a convenient way of avoiding responsibility for their behaviour.

However, I would not wait until you are extremely angry before you react. It is a good idea to speak to them right now, when things are still calm. Tell your friends, simply and plainly, that you have a sense of humour and can take a joke, but you don’t appreciate being repeatedly made the punchline in front of other people. You don’t need to give a long emotional explanation. Simply tell them how you feel and then pay attention to how they react.

Good friends may start teasing you about being emotional and sensitive, but they will ultimately respect the boundary that you have set. On the other hand, people who deliberately keep doing something after they know it hurts you, are telling you something about how much they value your friendship.

Also, it is worth remembering that, sometimes, people will keep joking about you because they know they’ll get a reaction out of you. If you become furious every time they joke, you may be providing them with more entertainment — without realising it. Stay calm, shut the joke down and move on. You don’t have to prove to anyone how much it hurt.

At the same time, stop pretending to laugh along simply to keep the peace. You don’t need to explode either. You can keep a straight face and quietly say “not funny.” This seemingly underreaction can sometimes do more than a big fuss would.

All friendships should have some teasing and laughter. That is normal. However, everyone should get the chance to laugh. If you are regularly going home feeling humiliated, it’s time to ask yourself whether you’re actually having fun with these people, whether they really are your friends, or whether you’re simply trying very hard to be part of this group.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
Auntie will not reply privately to any query.
Please send concise queries to:
auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, August 16th, 2026