Dear Auntie,

I would appreciate your advice regarding a situation that has been affecting me emotionally for many years.

ABC is a distant relative of mine. We first started talking regularly in 2012 and became very close. During that time, I developed strong feelings for her and eventually told her how I felt.

She got married in 2015. After her marriage, we stopped talking for about three years. During that period, I tried to contact her several times, often from different phone numbers after she blocked the previous ones. She repeatedly told me not to contact her, although whenever we did communicate, she would often give me advice about life and seemed to care about my well-being.

Over the years, there were periods when we reconnected and spoke again. Each time, I felt that we still shared a strong emotional connection and understanding. However, after some time, she would block me again and communication would stop.

The last time we were in regular contact was in August 2025. After that, she blocked me once more and we have not spoken since. She now has a daughter also and told me that her daughter is the most important person for her from now on.

I find myself struggling with the loss of someone who was an important part of my life for many years. I am trying to understand how to process these feelings in a healthy way. Please don’t advise me to leave her because it’s not possible.

What would you advise someone in my situation to do?

Unable to Let Go

Dear Unable to Let Go,

There is something very interesting in your letter. You ask me not to advise you to leave her “because it’s not possible.” Every time someone says that in their letter to me, it is usually because they know what the advice is going to be.

Let’s take a look at the series of events to understand what ABC has been telling you through her actions, if not her words. She got married, then she repeatedly blocked you and then she asked you not to contact her. And yet, because she occasionally appeared warm and concerned, you continued to hope that ‘your story’ was still unfinished.

Let’s get one thing clear. Caring about someone and choosing to be with them are not the same thing. She must have cared about your well-being, but then most decent people care about those who have been important in their lives. Being concerned about someone is not the same as wanting a relationship with them.

More troubling is that you have spent almost a decade living between hope and reality. Every time she surfaced in your life, you became hopeful and, every time she blocked you, you were hit with reality.

Here is the reality. ABC is a married woman and a mother. She has also told you that her daughter is her priority. Her life has well and truly moved forward.

The question is not whether you can stop loving her. You can, but feelings don’t switch on and off like that. The real question is whether you can stop building your life around the hope that she will return.

I am not asking you to flip a switch and stop caring about her. You are human and we all know that’s not how feelings work. All I am suggesting is that you stop obeying your feelings. You can care about her and still accept that she is no longer available to you.

For now, just stop wondering when, how and if she will come back and start asking yourself what kind of life you want for yourself… without her.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
Auntie will not reply privately to any query.
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Published in Dawn, June 21st, 2026