Dear Auntie,

I am a differently-abled student, currently living in a city far from my home. I am studying in a university and happy to spend time on my own. At the same time, I do have many friends.

A few of them are very supportive, but there is also a small number of people who are toxic and who bully me. I became friends with them because they are from my district. And I was close to them because they were nice in the beginning. However, over time, they started bullying me.

Whenever I talk to them, they mock me. They follow it up with an apology, only to target me again. I am tired of this. I am still connected to them, but their behaviour hurts me. Recently, they crossed all acceptable limits. At the time, I could not say anything, but I cried myself to sleep after that.

‘My ‘Friends’ Bully Me’

Sometimes, I think I am done with them, but then they call me for tea or something. And I can’t say no. My personal life and academics have suffered because of them. I can’t tell my parents because I don’t want them to worry about me. I can’t tell anyone. I just endure it. I don’t know what to do!

Helpless One

Dear Helpless One,

It is pretty obvious that these people are not your friends. They are bullies. They are not teasing you the way friends tease each other. These ‘friends’ are being disrespectful over and over again, and following it up with apologies that mean nothing.

The fact that you trusted them in the beginning is natural. You come from the same district and you say that they were respectful to you in the beginning. You were in a different city, so hanging out with this group gave you a sense of belonging. However, over time, they revealed their true nature. So, the real problem is that you continue to hang out with these people, making yourself available to them for more bullying.

You say that you cannot say no to them, but the fact is that every time you say ‘yes’ to hanging out with them, you are saying no to yourself and undermining your self-respect. That can never be okay.

Remember that the point of an apology is so that the action is never repeated ever again. However, it seems that this particular group of people think an apology is a licence to repeat their toxic behaviour.

You need to start disengaging from this group by prioritising your mental health. Avoid a dramatic confrontation and curb any desire to explain yourself. Just distance yourself from them by turning down their invitations and saying that you are ‘busy’. Sit separately from them in class or in the cafeteria. You don’t owe them access to you just because you come from the same area. If they are bullying you, your shared geography means nothing to them.

Trust me, loneliness is far better than bad company. The fact that your studies and your mental health are suffering tells me that you are paying too high a price for avoiding saying no. Also, you don’t need to tell your parents everything, but I would encourage you to talk to a ‘safe’ friend about this. You could talk to a good friend or even the counsellor at the university.

You misjudged these people and thought they were your friends. You learnt the hard way that they were not your friends because real friends will not make you cry at night when you are alone.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query.

Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 5th, 2026