[Note to readers: Don’t read this letter while eating. Auntie made the mistake of going through this while having her breakfast and is still recovering.]

Dear Auntie,
I am in a very agitated position. My older cousin has come to live with us due to her college being in our city. I have no problem with her, or at least that was the case. But now, I am at my wits’ end, especially since we share a room and bathroom.

My problems lie with her hygiene habits. Over time, I have tried to bring this up and appeal to her to fix the mess that she makes. She does clean it up when it is pointed out, but then it happens again and I have to again ask her to do her due diligence. I would rather just not see the sink strainer full of hair every other week or mucus left in the sink.

That is not even scratching the surface of what her hygiene issues are. I am fed up of her gross habits, which have shown no improvement over the past few months. My parents know about this but don’t interfere, saying I should just tell her. I do, but it is a short-term solution and I dislike telling/requesting, with a polite ‘please’, to keep the space clean, especially since she is older. Regards,
The Odd Cousin

‘How Do I Tell My Cousin About Her Hygiene Issues?’

Dear Odd Cousin,
You’ve done the right thing by telling her directly. Unfortunately, you’re dealing with an ingrained habit and, since your cousin is not changing her ways and your parents are also not stepping in, you’ll need to change how things work in your room rather than keep repeating the same conversation.

Start by setting clear boundaries in writing, such as putting up some rules on a piece of paper and sticking it somewhere in the room and/or behind the bathroom door.

This should work better than repeated requests because it makes things official. Written rules are also not ‘targeting’ her and will apply to everyone in your space. You can title it “House Rules” and write a few rules down in clear language.

You should also make a weekly schedule of cleaning responsibilities. If it’s her week to clean up, she’s responsible. If she doesn’t do it, avoid the temptation to clean up for her and request her to do it.

Draw a clear line in the areas in your room that are shared. Give her one shelf and keep one for you. Separate your towels and toiletries.

Also, you don’t always have to sugarcoat your requests. Do a straightforward “Please clean the sink, it’s dirty” without being rude and it should work.

Finally, please remember that you can’t completely rewire another person’s habits, unless they themselves want to change. Know that, follow the above and hopefully you’ll figure out a way to coexist with her without going crazy.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, August 17th, 2025