AS human civilisation marches on, I often wonder how we have managed to progress this far, especially when age-old practices, like dowry, still grip our society just as tightly as they did centuries ago. We live in times where various concepts have been presented by great sociologists explaining the evolution of society. Yet it pains and shames me that our society has refused to evolve beyond a certain point. One of the most glaring examples is the social culture around marriage, especially the toxic custom of dowry.

A close relative of mine, while preparing for her daughter’s wedding — a marriage based on the girl’s own choice — told me recently that the groom’s side had not explicitly asked for dowry. However, the in-laws never explicitly said they were not interested either. They responded with vague smiles and polite dismissals whenever the subject of gifts was brought up. This left the bride’s parents, a house-wife and a retired businessman, scrambling to arrange a dowry out of fear that not doing so might cause offence or bring ‘dishonour’.

Why does something as beautiful and sacred as marriage become tainted by the unspoken yet heavy expectation of ‘gifts’? How can we speak of global issues and progress when many in our own society are still chained by the outdated stigma of dowry?

Sadly, even today, many people believe that it is their right to demand expensive furniture and appliances from the bride’s side. This twisted idea has been passed down for generations.

It is truely inspiring to see at least some young people around us who are standing up against this backward mindset. However, there is still a long way to go when it comes to helping the older generation unlearn what it was taught rather wrongly.

Aamna Khan
Karachi

Published in Dawn, June 3rd, 2025