Dear Auntie Agni,
I am 21 years old and I feel miserable. The reason for my misery is my confusion about marriage. When I was younger, I fell in love with a girl. Many years have passed and now I am in love with her younger sister and I really want to marry her. But a lot of family members are trolling me. Even worse, they are creating hurdles to keep me from marrying the person I feel is right for me. What should I do? Should I abandon the person I feel is right for me only because I used to be in love with her elder sister?
Mr Lover

Dear Mr Lover,
Thank you for reaching out to me. It is clear that you have strong feelings for the younger sister of your former love interest. While I understand that it can be tempting to pursue a relationship with someone you feel a deep connection with, I encourage you to consider a few aspects before making a final decision.

‘I am in love with my former love’s sister’

Firstly, have you spoken to the girl about your concerns? And what does she think about this situation, given your history with her sister? I hope you realise that her opinion also counts in this. Your wanting to marry her is not enough for this marriage to happen. Speak to her openly and assess what she has to say. Many girls (not all) will have issues with marrying their sister’s ex. In many cases, such situations are known to cause irreparable damage between siblings.

Secondly, it’s important to assess the dynamics within your family and the potential impact your choice may have on them. Your family members may have valid concerns that should be taken into account when making such a significant life decision. While you are basing your decision purely on your feelings, your family can see the situation as relatively detached outsiders and can see the potential pitfalls in the situation. And then there is the matter of the girl’s family. Will they be okay with a son-in-law who was once involved with their elder daughter? It’s complicated!

You should also take some time to self-reflect and evaluate whether your feelings for the younger sister are genuine and not simply a result of past emotions resurfacing and redirecting themselves to another person in the same family. Ensure that you are not getting caught up in nostalgia or the idea of a familiar connection. In most cases, complications do arise from marrying within the same family. It’s essential to weigh the potential challenges that could arise from such a situation, including maintaining healthy relationships with all family members involved.

Ultimately, it’s important to communicate with all the people involved and also assess what your instincts are telling you before you make a decision. You haven’t jumped in and taken the decision to propose, which tells me that you do feel something is off. Take the time to have open and honest conversations with both the younger sister and your family members to ensure everyone’s concerns are addressed and respected.

I wish you the best of luck in navigating this delicate situation, and may you find clarity and happiness in whatever path you choose.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, June 11th, 2023