Dear Auntie, 
I am a 23-year-old man who graduated last August. After graduation, I got a good government job in a well-reputed department, although it was not part of my future plans. 

Now, having graduated and secured a government job, my parents — along with the rest of my family — are trying to convince me to marry my first cousin. Even though I have refused, my mom doesn’t want me to marry anyone apart from my cousin. She is continuously being pressurised by other family members.  

I have some issues with this. Firstly, I am confused about whether I am ready for marriage or not. I have a goal to accomplish, which can take either one, or even five to six years. Given that I don’t want to compromise on my career, is it possible to manage being married with a job? 

Secondly, despite having no other girl in my life, I don’t want to marry my cousin. There are a couple of reasons behind it. First of all, I never thought about her as my life partner. So, I am not excited at all. Moreover, my cousin has no goals for pursuing her career. And I believe that if your partner is not going through a similar situation as you, it would be difficult for her to understand your condition. So, I have goals and I don’t want an unambitious partner.  

‘I don’t want to marry my cousin’

Dear Auntie, please help me decide whether I should go with my parents’ decision about my life partner or should I put my own interests before theirs about my choice of partner? And more importantly, is it the right time for me to get married?  
Wavering

Dear Wavering,
It’s important to remember that, ultimately, the decision to get married and who to marry is yours alone. So take the time to carefully consider your options and make a decision that aligns with what you value and also with your goals. 

If you think that getting married right now will hinder your career goals, then it is probably best to wait until you’ve accomplished what you set out to do. Marriage is a significant commitment, and it’s important to make sure you’re ready for it. 

Regarding your parents’ and family’s suggestion of marrying your cousin, it’s okay to respectfully, but firmly, decline and explain your reasons. Tell them what you have told me. That you don’t have similar goals and your values and are not compatible. It’s important to find a partner who shares your values, ambitions and goals. If your cousin is not that person for you, it’s okay to explore other options. 

Also, have a conversation with your parents about the pressure you’re feeling from other family members. It’s not fair for them to feel burdened by other people’s opinions and it’s important for them to understand that this decision ultimately lies with you. 

In conclusion, take the time to carefully consider your options and make a decision that aligns with your values and goals. It’s okay to respectfully decline your parents’ suggestion and explore other options. Remember that the decision to get married is yours alone and it’s important to find a partner who shares your values and ambitions. g

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 19th, 2023