Dear Auntie  
I am 25 and have been madly in love with a girl for the last seven years. My problem is that I can’t get over her, even after she made it clear that she didn’t want anything to do with me. She has mood swings and, mostly, I am blocked on her social media. She neither wants to marry anyone ever, nor does she like someone else. She would say things that would intensify my feelings for her and later she would deny everything. She is like a robot with no affection, but the more she resists me, the more I love her.  
It’s like an addiction and I don’t have anyone to talk me through it. 
I can’t focus on my studies or work and am irritated with her all the time. 
Please give me a solution. 
Pistanthrophobic

‘I can’t get over this mean, robotic girl’

Dear Pistanthrophobic,
Previously I had no idea, but thanks to you I have just found out what Pistanthrophobia is. For anyone else in the same boat, it means the fear of trusting others.

When you say that this girl says things that intensify your feelings for her and then denies them, I think she is manipulating you because she knows how you feel about her. Many people, especially girls, are well aware when someone has strong feelings for them. And those with a mean streak like to play with those feelings to give themselves a high.

Here are Auntie’s two cents: This girl doesn’t necessarily dislike you, but she also doesn’t care for you as you do for her. Also, she probably doesn’t know what she wants. It is also likely that if you convince her to go out with you, she will continue to be unsure which will make you miserable. So a relationship with her is likely headed for a disaster.

Start working on breaking your addiction to her by starting to focus on yourself. Divert yourself from this unhealthy situation and find something that you enjoy doing. This doesn’t have to be an elaborate hobby like learning a new language (although it could be that). It could even be as simple as cooking or reading, or even being part of a movie club. Just give your focus to something positive and take your attention off this woman. You are a person in your own right and you deserve love and respect. And if someone is not giving you that, why on earth are they in your life?

Focusing on yourself and your own life is such a no-brainer when it comes to breaking unhealthy patterns with others that Auntie is surprised why more people don’t do it. So yeah, find an activity, a hobby or a class. If your hobby involves other people that’s even better, because it will help you meet new, more interesting people and also help you realise that there are plenty more fish in the sea. It will also help you learn that there is no need to put anyone but yourself on that pedestal.

So amp up your social life by surrounding yourself with those who care for you. This could be your friends or your family. Hang out with people who won’t run you down and make you feel bad about yourself. If you don’t have people like that in your life, it is time to find them. 

Remember you are in control of your life. Change things up and carry on down another path. If you persist on this new track, I promise you will find yourself thinking about her less and less, and more on what important and/or fun things to do next with your life. Good luck!g

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, January 9th, 2022

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