Getting better at handling disappointments

Disappointments are inevitable and unpleasant — a missed promotion, a failed project, a poor investment — but you can always learn something from them. To constructively deal with your next setback, think through what happened. Distinguish situations that were predictable and preventable from those that were unavoidable and beyond your control. Ruminating over something that didn’t go your way — and that you couldn’t control — will only frustrate you further. For situations that you could have handled differently, consider them in positive terms: What can you do differently next time? What lessons can you learn from the mistakes you made? And remind yourself of what’s going well in your life, so you don’t let the disappointment take an outsize role in your brain. It might sound like a cliché, but keep the setback in perspective — and try to let it go. You may be tempted to play the situation over and over in your head, but staying preoccupied with it will only create unnecessary stress.

(Adapted from “Dealing With Disappointment,” by Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries.)

Improve your EI with a feedback-based plan

It’s not always obvious how to improve your emotional intelligence skills, especially because we often don’t know how others perceive us. To figure out where you can improve, start with a reality check: What are the major differences between how you see yourself and how others see you? You can get this kind of feedback from a 360-degree assessment, a coach or a skilled manager. Next, consider your goals. Do you want to eventually take on a leadership position? Be a better team member? Consider how your ambitions match up with the skills that others think you need to improve. Then identify specific actions that you’ll take to improve those skills. Working on becoming a better listener? You might decide that when you’re talking with someone, you won’t reply until you’ve taken the time to pause and check that you understand what they said. Whatever skill you decide to improve, use every opportunity to practice it, no matter how small.

(Adapted from “Boost Your Emotional Intelligence With These 3 Questions,” by Daniel Goleman and Michele Nevarez.)

Work from home: build relationships with colleagues

Working from home can be a coveted perk (no commute, no interruptions), but it can also cut you off from co-workers and your friends at the office. How can you combat loneliness when you work remotely? First, make sure you see your colleagues’ faces from time to time. Instead of phone calls, use video conferencing so that you can see the other person. This helps you read their body language, creating a more natural conversation. Second, don’t skip the small talk. When you work from home, you may try to avoid “wasting time” by keeping the conversation on work topics. But small talk is the cement that creates rapport. So before a meeting starts, ask your colleagues about recent vacations, their kids’ sports matches or upcoming wedding plans. These small details can build deeper relationships that are both personally gratifying and professionally beneficial.

(Adapted from “How to Avoid Loneliness When You Work Entirely From Home,” by Dorie Clark.)

Make your out-of-office message a little more personal

Most of us write our out-of-office messages as we’re running out the door for vacation or a business trip. But putting more thought into what the message says can help you build relationships with the people who try to reach you while you’re away. Instead of just including the dates when you’re out and who to email in your absence, consider sharing why you’re gone. Where are you going on vacation, and why did you pick that location? What are you learning at the conference? You can also share a resource that will speak to your audience, like an article or a new piece of research. It could be related to taking a vacation (there are lots of great stats on why time off is so important) or something that potential clients might be interested in. A personal — but still professional — message allows you to connect in a new way with colleagues, clients and vendors.

(Adapted from “Why You Should Put a Little More Thought Into Your Out-of-Office Message,” by Michelle Gielan.)

Published in Dawn, The Business and Finance Weekly, November 12th, 2018