Dear Auntie, I am about to graduate in the coming few months, and am in a relationship with a guy from my university for the past three years. The problem is that I am sure my family would start looking for a proposal as soon as I graduate, and this guy can’t propose to me right now. He is a BDS graduate, but due to some financial problems he can’t do his internship which is a requirement for him before he can start any job (both of us live in the UAE with our families). His parents have sold all their properties back in Pakistan to finance his education and when he talked to them about us they straight away told him that until and unless he gets his own house or something like that he shouldn’t think about getting anything official done, let alone marriage. My mother knows about him and upon hearing this, she has advised me to forget him and move on in life as it would take a long time for him to fill the requirement and I can’t wait for that long. I am on the edge of a cliff right now. I love him truly and so does he. We know what is in front of us and now I can’t think of anything.

Please help

Dear GF,

It all boils down to how serious the two of you are. If both of you are truly serious about each other and willing to wait it out till the boy completes his internship, then nothing should stop you. To begin with, both of you could get other members of your families involved to talk to your parents to soften their stance.

If that does not work, instead of running to and telling each other about the new conditions your parents have set or the new rishta on the horizon, could both of you be a little more solution-oriented and take some hard decisions yourself? For instance, you could decide that you will not agree to see or accept any other rishta. He could decide and tell his parents that he wants to get engaged right after his internship. The two of you could decide that both of you will work just so you can afford your own place. For this to work, both of you need to have a very strong faith in each other, and the will to challenge some (not all) of your families’ conditions, which are unreasonable. You do not need to be rude to your family, you just need to be firm about your plans and let your families know. No one said it would be easy. But your families need to know how serious you are about each other.

Sounds tough? Then maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship.  Like I said, it all boils down to how serious both of you are.

Dear Khala

I have a good job in a Fast Moving Consumer Goods company and I also like my boss. But I am underpaid. I want to know how I can get a raise. I once mentioned to my boss that I wanted a raise, but he said they cannot pay me more at this position. He says the company does not have money to give me a raise right now. I know that they are happy with my work and my boss is a really great guy. But I really want a raise and I don’t know what to do.

Underpaid

Dear Raised,

If you want a substantial jump in your pay, you are not likely to get it from an annual increment. It is much easier to interview at a competitor, get a substantially higher offer, then come back to your boss and show him the salary that the market is willing to offer you. Your boss can then decide if he would rather pay you the extra or go through the hassle of finding someone else, training them and putting up with them till they improve and become efficient.

As for the company not having the money to give you a substantial raise … ever notice how Pakistanis, no matter how broke they are, always find the money to throw the most lavish of weddings? The same principal applies here. If a company really wants you, they will dig deep and find the money to retain you, no matter how badly cash-strapped they say they are.

And finally, even if your boss is your best friend, this is work. And you are working — not being his best friend — under him. He and the organisation have to understand that your salary has to make sense to you. It is business, not personal. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, May 1st, 2016