Nightmare in Nottingham: Ashes lost, Australia humiliated

Published August 8, 2015
Former Australia Test batsman Dean Jones wrote “there will be blood spilt for this pathetic effort.” — AP
Former Australia Test batsman Dean Jones wrote “there will be blood spilt for this pathetic effort.” — AP

BRISBANE: When Australia regained the Ashes at Perth's WACA ground in December 2013 - its third victory in what was to be a 5-0 series sweep - Australian newspapers carried a photo of a tombstone with an inscription listing the exact day, month and year that England cricket had died.

How times have changed.

After a humiliating defeat by an innings and 78 runs in the fourth Test at Trent Bridge to lose this year's Ashes series 3-1, with one match left, those same publications chiseled out the name of the dreaded Old Enemy and inserted “Australia” instead late Saturday.

It was the nightmare at Nottingham, and former Australian cricketers condemned the inept performance. If Australian cricket had indeed died, there were many happy to provide evidence for the post-mortems.

While current captain Michael Clarke announced he would retire from Test cricket after the now-meaningless fifth Test at The Oval, former skipper Alan Border said there should be an investigation into the dressing room mood before Australia was sent in to bat on the first day.

That would be the same day that it managed only 60 runs from 111 balls in its first innings - all out before lunch Thursday - and set a slew of records for all the wrong reasons.

“I don't think they are playing like a cohesive unit that love each other,” Border said.

“I don't think there was enough heart in that performance, there definitely wasn't enough technique, there definitely wasn't enough grit to stick it out.”

Veteran cricket announcer Jim Maxwell, speaking on Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio on the morning of the third day, called the losing side's capitulation in the match “perhaps the most embarrassing moment in the history of cricket in Australia.”

Unsurprisingly, British media also took great glee, with the London tabloids creating headlines such as “Throw another wimp on the barbie,” and praising England bowler Stuart Broad, who took eight Australian wickets.

Former Australia Test batsman Dean Jones wrote “there will be blood spilt for this pathetic effort.”

“Australian fans have a long memory and they will not put up with this inept display. Like everyone, I am completely gutted by this insipid and gutless performance by the Australian top seven,” Jones wrote.

Some other comments:

-Former captain Ricky Ponting: “I had a bit of a think about the squad to plan ahead and think about the future and ... I thought there could be eight guys who might not ever play Test cricket again in this touring squad.”

He didn't name his chosen eight. His comments appeared on the Cricket Australia website via a tweet.

-Ex-England captain Ian Botham, referring to Australia's 60 in the first innings: “It's the sort of score you expect to see at the under-9s on the village green.”

-Former England batsman Geoffrey Boycott: “They batted like lemmings. It's the poorest Australian batting performance I've seen in 50 years. I've never seen anything as bad.”

-Ex-Australia wicketkeeper Ian Healy: “Their hearts might not be that strong ... are they together as a team? Do they fragment from here? Do they meet and talk about it tonight? Will they confront it?”

Healy blamed the wives and girlfriends of the Australian players - the “WAGs” - for contributing to the team's poor performance in England.

“All their partners are here and some of the most respected cricketers I played with hated that distraction,” Healy said during his television commentary for Australia's Nine Network.

“They weren't allowed on tour until after the series had been won.”

The last words belonged to Australian Foreign Minister Julie Bishop. When asked if the Australian cricketers should be stripped of their citizenship, she replied, smiling: “Yes, that has crossed my mind.”

But she later added: “I think we should let them come home and face the music.

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