Click on images to enlarge.

Principle standpoints in Al-Absurdistan

Principle standpoints in Al Bakistan II

Principle standpoints in Al Bakistan III

Principle standpoints in Al Bakistan IV

Osama bin Laden’s killing in Abbotabad was a drama staged by the CIA in 2011. He had died in 2005 because of his ailments (Ahmadinijad)….but his four children from his Saudi wife, Fatah, were born in Al Bakistan and one in a government hospital in Abbotabad.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.
-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

Of the two sisters of the Kalabagh family, one sister Sumera Malik is in PML-N, a party of status quo and corrupt politicians….but her sister Ayla Malik is in PTI, who is against status quo and a staunch supporter of revolution in Al Bakistan.

Criticising the government and politicians is our democratic right….but criticising religious politicians is Islamophobia and an attack on religion.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

Al Bakistani umpire Asad Rauf was caught in a sex scandal in India and no fatwa was issued against him because we Al Bakistanis don’t interfere in personal lives of others….but Veena Malik brought a bad name to Al Bakistan.

Religious parties’ (JUI) favourite election symbol is the book and MMA fought the 2003 elections with the book as their election symbol, they want people to stamp on the book (their election symbol)...but they are against women reading the book. (Women voters were not allowed to vote in Malakand in the 2003 elections).

Al Bakistan is not a theocratic state and the Constitution is supreme and the judges are the sole interpreters of the Constitution….but the Federal Shariat Court can strike down any article in the Constitution if it’s against Sharia.

The Muslims of the subcontinent were refused modern education during the British colonial period and in protest formed deoband madrassahs to revive Islamic learning in Persian and Arabic….but the Hindus conspired to keep Muslims from modern education to get government jobs.

Three Afghan rupees were equal to one Al Bakistani rupee before the withdrawal of the Soviet Union.…but after the Mujahideen came to power, Afghan currency rate was 10 rupees per kilo of Afghan currency. (It is now again 1 Afghani = 2 rupees).

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.
-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

We don’t have decent schools for our children. Al Bakistan stands second in global ranking of out-of-school children with 57.3 per cent children in the 3-5 age group not enrolled in any school in the rural areas and 65.5 per cent mothers being in the illiterate category... but we have the Higher Education Commission that has billions of funds for foreign scholarships.

The Afghan Mujahideen were first sheltered by Z A Bhutto and the Taliban were created by American puppets, Benazir Bhutto and Nasir ullah Babar….but they killed Benazir Bhutto at the behest of America.

Two Black Hawks were downed by General Farah Aidid with the support of Osama bin Laden. The rescue operation of the UN forces was attacked and 24 Al Bakistani soldiers were killed in Somalia….but Osama was trained by America.

Al Bakistan Army is a puppet of America and our rulers are dictated by Americans…..but we created the atom bomb against the dictation of America and mostly our retired generals are anti-Americans.

Al Bakistan was the last refuge of the Muslims of India….and now it’s the last refuge of the Afghan Taliban, Uzbek, Chechen, Egyptians, Saudis, Algerians and Yemeni Arab and many more ghazis and purisrar bandays.

Imran Khan is the last hope of PTI for change in Al Bakistan.…but he is also the last hope of PPP to remain in power for the next five years.

No Muslim can have a tattoo on his body….therefore, Blackwater is responsible for all terrorist attacks in Al Bakistan.

The restoration of judges’ movement told Al Bakistanis that a lack of justice is giving rise to extremism and economic hardships of the country. The lawyers movement promised to solve 50 per cent of all of Al Bakistan’s problems after the restoration of judges and getting rid of Musharraf....but the rise in terrorism and downward economy in Al Bakistan is because of an inefficient government.

Our president, judges, army chiefs, politicians and bureaucrats proudly display their caste’s names…but we should discourage ethnic, sectarian, provincial and linguistic identities and be proud of our Al Bakistani identity.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.
-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

Al Bakistanis leave their country because of a lack of job opportunities, protection of life and property and basic necessities of life….but, jihadi and sectarian outfits get majority of their funds from expatriates.

With Saudis funding 80 per cent of Barelvis in Al Bakistan  are now down to 50 per cent and 80 per cent madrassahs are under the control of Deobandis and Ahl-e-Hadiths.…but liberals and leftists failed to counter the rise of extremism in Al Bakistan. Money can’t buy the faith of any individual in Al Bakistan.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

Muslims expatriates in Gulf and Arab countries don’t have the right to be their citizen, marry a local woman (if he marries a local woman, the women loses her nationality) or own property and they are our Muslim brothers….but Western countries that give citizenship, right to marry and own property are enemies of Islam.

 


Sabir-Nazir-80
The author left architecture for painting but ended up as a cartoonist and now writes Hijjo. He is the jack of all trades.

 


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

Updated Jan 30, 2013 11:09am

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Comments (69) (Closed)


Yasir Hussain (@yacirhussain)
Feb 01, 2013 08:49am
This is nothing but exaggeration.
Stranger
Feb 01, 2013 08:20am
Its good to laugh at ourselves once in a while.
BRR
Feb 01, 2013 06:27am
You have no clue, just biases.
abasyn
Jan 31, 2013 05:18am
Any person who can write in English thinks he is a revolutionary and every person who hates Islamic principles to follow considers himself a leftist (read liberal) in Al-Bakistan.
Steppenwolf
Jan 31, 2013 02:21pm
Almost all of the comments are concerned with marrying Arab women. No one mentioned the Kalabagh sisters. It shows the true extent of corruption in the country.
Shubs
Jan 31, 2013 07:32am
C'mon, what is this constant Indian media bashing I see from Indian readers on Dawn? This is a great newspaper. But seriously people, give it a thought before overcompensating when you give a compliment! Don't you people read anything other than the weekly cartoons in Times of India? Do you even know what the "Indian Media" consists of? How many thousands of publications in how many languages? How many astonishingly brilliant authors, columnists, cartoonists, analysts write in these papers on a daily basis? Do you watch anything other than the celebrity news on crappy channels like Zee News? Have you followed investigative reports on even the big news channels like NDTV or CNN-IBN, not to mention the many many local ones? Stop this chest beating about the Indian media. Maybe Dawn is the first decent news outlet you've been to because this is the only decent news outlet from Pakistan, but try looking around in your own backyard. You may be surprised.
Akram
Jan 31, 2013 01:23pm
funny as ever, keep it up.
babar
Jan 31, 2013 08:40pm
Website of Urdu Dawn is also there and is very popular
sami
Jan 31, 2013 08:43pm
Great!! Please share your ideas more often.
Mohsin
Jan 30, 2013 02:54pm
Hilarious! Asad Rauf and Veena Malik epitomize the debauchery of the male chauvinistic society.
Mohsin
Jan 30, 2013 02:54pm
The last example simplifies the lack of self esteem, and easy vulnerability to opting out of the country even if being treated as a second or third rate citizen is a possibility! Yet other than introspecting, we indulge in the favorite pastime (aka national sport) of blaming foreign powers for conspiring against us.
Capt C M Khan
Jan 30, 2013 02:58pm
"Muslims expatriates in Gulf and Arab countries don’t have the right to be their citizen, marry a local woman (if he marries a local woman, the women loses her nationality) or own property and they are our Muslim brothers….but Western countries that give citizenship, right to marry and own property are enemies of Islam"""" This says all Mr Haider and we want Balkistan to be the MUMBA OF ISLAM. Islam is one of the few religions that TEACHES equality in colour, cast or crede........but no the end product is HYPROCRICY. It will take atleast 100 years to get rid of this CYCLE. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
shafiquk
Jan 30, 2013 03:10pm
Few nice contrasting facts plus few rubbish especially about HEC.
Cynical
Jan 30, 2013 03:22pm
Al-Bakistan last refuge for Indian Muslims! OMG I almost fell of my chair. Incidentaly Al-Bakistan was the last refuge of OBL!
gulbaz mushtaq
Jan 30, 2013 03:39pm
Hahahaha ... Great!!! Imran Khan is the last hope of PTI for a change in Al Bakistan … but he is also the last hope of PPP to remain in power for the next five years.
Gulbaz Mushtaq
Jan 30, 2013 03:39pm
Hahahaha.. Great!!! Imran Khan is the last hope of PTI for a change in Al Bakistan … but he is also the last hope of PPP to remain in power for the next five years.
Dr Khan
Jan 30, 2013 03:42pm
Muslims are free to build and go to mosques in america......america is the biggest enemy of muslims. Muslims are not allowed to fast in ramdan in govt offices in china..........china is a geat friend of muslims.
Atheoi
Jan 30, 2013 03:44pm
Exceptionally well written. by AL QALAM UL ALBAKISTANI.
Hasan Awan
Jan 30, 2013 03:46pm
My friend who is a Pakistani recently about to marry an Arab lady and both were in love with each other and to his Astonishment he was told in Saudia Arabia that Arab lady cannot marry an Ajaami or Non Arab and if any Arab lady will do that then automatically her nationality is cancelled and all of her rights would be taken away because she tried to marry a Non Arab. Ironically Arab Men can marry anywhere in the world and especially if Arab man marry a European or American Woman then that lady is granted Nationality instantly by Arabian governments. The writer is absolutely right that we are told in Pakistan that Arabs are our friends but Pakistanis and Afghans are treated worst in Arab lands and they have no right to nationality. no right to hold land and even if their children will born there he cannot have a nationality because if a Parent is Ajami then a Child have no right whatsoever according to Saudia Rules. The time is ripe to end our Hypocrisy and we should open our eyes. We Pakistanis have all the rights in America and Europe but our Mullahs told us to hate them because that is what they are being paid for. The need of hour is to think who is our friend and who is our enemy as Religious Exploitation of Pakistanis and Afghans should be ended at all costs.
ali
Jan 30, 2013 03:57pm
love it man, for me its catharsis. We, the Al Bakistanis, are never ever willing to do any self-analysis and self-critique and do not learn from our mistakes. Result is that others take advantage of us, use us, discard and dispose us after attaining their objectives. This ill-treated by all our so called friends form east and west should lead to self assessment and improvement so that we don’t get trapped and exploited again but we never think and never learn. In fact we must be part of Guiness World Records for maximum number of repetitions of same kind of mistakes, but they are jealous of Muslims and Al Bakistanis and are interested only in records made by westerners……al Bakistan VI….:-)………… Very well thought and written, Sir Bitter realities in Pakistan…..:(
Steppenwolf
Jan 30, 2013 04:03pm
Bravo! True picture of absurdity that is Al Bakistan. Reminds me of a saying in Latin falsus in uno falsus in omnibus.
Rahul
Jan 30, 2013 04:10pm
Sometimes i dont understand if it was a master stroke of Jinnah which created Pakistan or master stroke of Congress (read Gandhi) that created Jinnah. Either way you look at it, it seems that India and Pakistan are like divorced couple trying to damage each other to the MAX, the children are the worst to suffer, you can put the blame on any one !!
Sagar
Jan 31, 2013 10:04am
Excellent article, problems and comments with a great taste of humor.
kamaljit Singh
Jan 30, 2013 04:15pm
Muslims expatriates in Gulf and Arab countries don’t have the right to be their citizen, marry a local woman (if he marries a local woman, the women loses her nationality) or own property and they are our Muslim brothers….but Western countries that give citizenship, right to marry and own property are enemies of Islam.What a great summary, Sabir . One more hilarious piece. thank you.
Naseer
Jan 31, 2013 03:06pm
A very well written article. Sad but true. Illiteracy is the greatest curse. Prophet PBUH have so much emphasis on education (without distinction of gender). But unfortunately literacy rate among Muslims is lowest. Also people take name of Islam to curtail women education which is absolutely against the teachings of Quran and prophet SAWW.
R.Sharma
Jan 30, 2013 04:25pm
Dear , Are you Jean d'Alembert by any chance ? What are the midgets of indian journalism compared to you ? Why don't settle down in India for a while and uplift our minds?
Bong
Jan 31, 2013 09:33am
get a sense of humour!
Bong
Jan 31, 2013 09:32am
Yeah! What is {your} LOGIC ?
Arif
Jan 30, 2013 04:35pm
Dude you're seriously boring !
HNY2013
Jan 30, 2013 04:37pm
Absolutely Hilarious! Asad Rauf and Veena Malik comparison...............awesome!
Deb; India
Jan 31, 2013 09:27am
I agree. We need such writers in India too.
atif
Jan 30, 2013 04:48pm
Sheer brilliance!
AHMED
Jan 30, 2013 04:53pm
PERFECT...PERFECT...PERFECT....!!!!! 1) Al Bakistanis leave their country because of lack of job opportunities, protection of life and property and basic necessities of life….but, jihadi and sectarian outfits get majority of their funds from expatriates. 2) Muslims expatriates in Gulf and Arab countries don’t have the right to be their citizen, marry a local woman (if he marries a local woman, the women loses her nationality) or own property and they are our Muslim brothers….but Western countries that give citizenship, right to marry and own property are enemies of Islam.
Mr Singh
Jan 30, 2013 05:11pm
superb! especially both the of points about expatriates.
Irfan
Jan 30, 2013 05:15pm
Revolutionary sattire... Sabir sahab this Lakhnawi is your fan for life... hope in India somebody could do the same
sri1ram
Jan 30, 2013 05:19pm
Beautiful. But how many Bakistanis think enough to consider those as absurd contradictions? Hopefully some Urdu writers do this too for more coverage.
Dude
Jan 30, 2013 05:45pm
Illogical !!!
sk
Jan 30, 2013 06:17pm
Absolutely right! So called brother countries are not our really supporters.
Adrian
Jan 30, 2013 06:50pm
Sabir sir, Great write, again.Write Again, Great. Again, great Write.
Ali Raza
Jan 30, 2013 07:26pm
Great article. We blame others for all problems.
Kallumama
Jan 30, 2013 08:07pm
Excellent Article.....Lagay raho Sabir Bhai !!!!
Mr Singh
Jan 30, 2013 08:23pm
really we need Indian version of NFP paji and nazar paji. but shamefully I have to admit in India no one can write so fearlessly. right wing Muslims and Hindu organizations cant let people like so fearlessly. I am surprised how these people are writing these things in Pakistan. in India people like Salman Rushdie or taslima nasreen cant live with freedom. Muslims organizations never allow them to enter any festival. same way its difficult to write about Hindu organizations in india. I may get many negative votes now lol.
Pramod
Jan 31, 2013 12:21pm
That's what people need to understand . As soon as you speak any thing wrong done by Muslims. you ll get 100 message some one claiming Islam as best religion, true religion(only true religion). Some one will give reference from quran and hadiths. Few will even claim that whole world has been enlightened by Muslims only. Few will advise to read Quran. What I say is that I won't. I as a non Muslim will understand Islam or any other religion by the deeds of the followers.
safdar
Jan 30, 2013 09:30pm
Muslims from all over the world come here to UK, claim asylum, given houses, benefits and nationalities but yes the tragedy is the same very people then rise against the government here, want to impose sharia, patrol the streets of London, threatening locals that they shouldn't be drinking here while at the same time they don't feel ashamed or embarrassed to receive government houses and living allowances. they are in fact the biggest thieves, working and claiming benefits at the same time, have never paid a penny in taxes, They preach hatred against the non Muslims and the west. they forget that its these non Muslims who have given them a home when they were persecuted in their own home countries. the point my friends is that its not just Al-Bakistanies, its most of our fellow muslims and sometimes i truly feel embarrassed to tell any one that I am a Muslim let alone a Bakistani.
Ali Asghar
Jan 30, 2013 10:15pm
@ arif !! Dude get a life, or borrow some sense of humor, or atleast some common sense.
Kamal
Jan 30, 2013 10:26pm
Great job for self analysis. However, such contradictions are common among ALL cultures and countries. Its just human nature to think and act as they see fit on the spur of moment. For example: Current Muslims terrorists were given the title of Mujahadeen by USA. Haqqanis were invited by Ronald Reagan in the white house to personally thank for their cooperation. Now they are bombed by same USA. so go figure
Iftikhar
Jan 31, 2013 01:24am
Excellent. Please add one more. When a person applies for a fire arms licence (in Sindh atleast), he has to sign an affidavit on court stamp paper; "he or she is not a member of any political party". for the Fire Arms Licence is recommended by a Member of the Senate, Nationa or Provincial assembly.
Akram
Jan 31, 2013 01:24pm
where did you get the idea its read by more indians?
raw is war
Jan 31, 2013 01:41am
Brilliant commentary. But also good cartoons.
Nasir
Jan 31, 2013 01:41am
Can you imagine the amount of contradictions in our society, he is already on 5th article. The worst part is nothing he has mentioned thus far is coming from a small section of society, all of it reflects the majority's mind-set.
murali
Jan 31, 2013 02:33am
Masterpiece, must be published in Urdu media and must be disused On TV. As I see, DAWN has always maintained its world class media ethics. but its a fact the its web page is read by more Indians than Pakistanis. This is the reason that greatest Intellectuals our time like NF parachaji, and Sabirji, Mubarak haiderji are not getting their due recognition.
vasist
Jan 31, 2013 03:50am
Soon expecting Al Bakistan VI, VII etc.... and i am really don't know how to applaud you.
Gujesh
Jan 31, 2013 03:52am
"Al Bakistan was the last refuge of the Muslims of India….and now it’s the last refuge of the Afghan Taliban, Uzbek, Chechen, Egyptians, Saudis, Algerians and Yemeni Arab and many more ghazis and purisrar bandays." Dust bin ??
pathanoo
Jan 31, 2013 04:59pm
WOW!!! Safdar, you have my respect. You are one honest, courageous man. Muslims need millions more like you if they are ever to get out of the dark ages.
Abdullah Hussain
Jan 31, 2013 07:13am
First of all even jokingly a person should not call his own country with wrong pronunciation, the name is Pakistan & not AL Bakistan. In my view this is a seriously negative joke, the author should apologies for this. Yes in most part in the Arab world they call Bakistan but this is because P or its substitute letter is not found in Arabic. So there calling Bakistan is understandable. For a Pakistani it is an offence to distort the name of his country. As for other facts that the author has tried to shed some lights on are not altogether wrong. "Is gher ko aag lagayee gher k chiragh say"
Sultan Khan
Jan 31, 2013 04:03am
No. Pakistan needs him more than India.
JairAM
Jan 31, 2013 08:50am
"Muslims expatriates in Gulf and Arab countries don’t have the right to be their citizen, marry a local woman (if he marries a local woman, the women loses her nationality) or own property and they are our Muslim brothers….but Western countries that give citizenship, right to marry and own property are enemies of Islam." Amazing comparison. Hope this could be available in Urdu for well who still are in denial and living a life of a lie.
Yash
Jan 31, 2013 02:33pm
I fully agree with your sentiments as I also live in UK and come across this every day In my life.
suleman
Jan 31, 2013 04:48am
"The Afghan Mujahideen were first sheltered by Z A Bhutto and the Taliban were created by American puppets, Benazir Bhutto and Nasir ullah Babar….but they killed Benazir Bhutto at the behest of America." There were many to choose from, but this was one of the best...
AHA
Jan 30, 2013 02:47pm
Another masterpiece full of excellent comments. The one that I liked most: “criticising religious politicians is Islamophobia and attack on religion” This is what is sinking Pakistan to the depth of our abyss.
ali abbas
Jan 31, 2013 11:08pm
Well looking at the deeds of "muslims" all over the world and menace they have created in the world, no self respecting non-muslim should ever consider taking advise from these "super-muslims".
HNY2013
Jan 31, 2013 09:31pm
So are you a leftist or a revolutionary Sir?
ali abbas
Jan 31, 2013 11:04pm
Progressive Pakistani's do not hate "principles of Islam" but they hate self serving interpretation of Islamic principles by the most corrupt and morally bankrupt citizens of Pakistan. Telling women that they are inferior than men is not an Islamic principle. Blowing up mosques, schools and hospitals in the name of Islam is not an Islamic principle. Dragging teenage girls out of school buses and shooting them in the heads at close range is not an Islamic principle. Kill minorities and trying to settle personal grudges by accusing them of insulting Islam is not an Islamic principle and flying planes into buildings and killing indiscriminately is definitely not an Islamic principle. I can go on and on but it wont make a little bit difference to people who believe that these are in fact teachings of quran and hadith. And please do not accuse America, Israel and India and saying that drones are responsible for the extremism in Pakistan to cover your own heinous acts, because accusing others for your own bad deeds is not an Islamic principle.
Sam
Jan 31, 2013 05:23am
sometimes reality is very hard to absord.........thats a bitter fact.
Mr Singh
Jan 31, 2013 01:57pm
deniers
Ali
Jan 31, 2013 05:47am
The Gulf and Arab countries and the Western countries treat the expatriates the way they do because of their self interest. Arab conutries not granting citizenship to expatriates because the locals would be outnumbered and Western countries allow expatriates to become citizens because they bring in more money to the till to pay non working natives.
Pramod
Jan 31, 2013 06:27am
Pakistan was created so they can prevent prosecution of Muslims by Majority Hindus and what they got is a country where they can prosecute their minorities.
Steppenwolf
Jan 31, 2013 06:02pm
Grow Up!
Singh
Jan 31, 2013 06:09pm
You must be kidding. Google some figures. How many Pakistani are on well fare in Canada,UK,US etc. Including Mr. Qadri