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It happened again. After Germany beat Brazil in the FIFA World Cup 2014 semi-final, remarks on how 'Germany raped Brazil' were everywhere.
Does a rapist ‘win’ the person he rapes?
Likening a sports defeat to ‘rape’ is so common now that those who call someone out for trivialising the torture of scores of women go through are instead told that they are being killjoys.
Attitudes like this promote rape culture by equating it with achievement - but the problem extends well beyond this one word. There is a considerable difference between the language spoken by women and the one spoken about women. Small wonder then that we live in such a sexist society, because the words/phrases used for women are designed to ensure just that.
Women find themselves a common reference every time verbal abuse is hurled, be it in a term mentioning a sister, a mother, a daughter or a female dog.
That’s on the streets. But even at home, ever considered why adults are used to calling their kids 'baita' (which technically means a male child) for both boys and girls, but never happen to call a boy a 'baiti'? And even if it slips out by mistake, it's taken as an insult to the boy.
Our leaders reflect the same attitudes:
Recently, Federal Minister Khawaja Asif asked Pervez Musharraf to ‘be a man’ and face the charges levelled against him.
In another instance, Tahir ul Qadri was adamant in having people know that he wasn’t ‘wearing bangles’ following the Model Town incident.
Here, we see once again, the stigmatisation of women stemming from and supporting the idea that weakness and the inability to take a stand are synonymous with being a woman. While this leads to boys growing up with deeply ingrained tendencies toward sexism, girls often get bogged down with severe inferiority complexes.
All this is rooted in the insecurities a patriarchal society holds against women from a very early age, and most of these biases are entrenched in our language.
To women who work hard in order to gain some respect in Pakistan, such language always contains an underlying message:
You may be a scientist, a doctor or an engineer but ultimately, you’re a woman, and all we have to offer you is narrow mindedness and bigotry.
Read more
On DawnNews
Comments (48) Closed
Jul 17, 2014 06:27pm
Thought provoking indeed! It is good that you highlighted the use of word 'rape' in the context of a game and the mindset behind using this phrase..... gave something to my 'male' mind to ponder upon....! Keep educating us.
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Jul 17, 2014 06:29pm
There is something wrong with the writer. useless article!
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Jul 17, 2014 06:38pm
A well written article.
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Jul 17, 2014 06:42pm
Good Article Beta!!!
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Jul 17, 2014 07:07pm
God has made this difference and men should not feel superior, they should feel responsible to protect women.
Germany raped brazil does not involve sexual reference, it involves how unforgiving Germany were in their approach.
Referring to bangles and "Be a man" comments is analyzed wrong in my opinion. Here a man taunted another man to be strong enough.
Historically and in current age too, men have proven themselves to be physically tougher than women. There is good reason all wars fought in history involved Men.Observe the difference in way Men and Women play sports, soccer, cricket, running etc
Nevertheless, a good piece of writing.
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Jul 17, 2014 07:07pm
Very brief but very absorbing and very true. These are centuries old male attitudes that need transformation. Kudos for the writer for bringing up this topic of verbal abuse of women.
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Jul 17, 2014 07:32pm
Women aren't the only people who get raped.
So do boys and in some cases, men.
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Jul 17, 2014 07:48pm
Women are 52% of pakistan but they lag behind 48% men. Men will suffer from trauma of rape if 52% women adopt men like mentality. Nothing is bad or good but it is culture and society that make it look good or bad. Women should behave like men then they are more strong as they 52%. Even women consider rape or sex as dishonour for women but not for men so men are dominant and women recessive. Women have made themselves a victim of culture traditions and consider rape a dishonour for women only. Although it it should be more dishonour for rapist but 52% women consider it dishonour for women only. So women in society change their thinking
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Jul 17, 2014 08:01pm
While most of what you have written is correct and appreciated, waiting for the author to write about the undue privileges women enjoy in Pakistan in the name of 'respect for women'.
Equal opportunity comes with equal responsibility.
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Jul 17, 2014 08:13pm
Well said, and true to the core. However this is common in civilized society as well, where women enjoys all the freedom and equality, but are misused, exploited and degraded in every possible way.
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Jul 17, 2014 08:16pm
I partially agree with the writer but the reaction she had shown while quoting day to day examples from cross section of society is a little bit of over statement. Most of the time womenfolk is considerd fair gender with all the sophistication attached to it and not the weaker one.
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Jul 17, 2014 08:34pm
The writer is indeed confused. Also some understanding of the meanings, tone, context of words in the English language.
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Jul 17, 2014 08:54pm
Making jokes of and about rape regardless of context is terrible.
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Jul 17, 2014 09:09pm
Good article. I think it is tasteless to use the word "rape" in this context and it indeed does trivialize a very important issue. Equating an efficient and dominant performance with sexual assault speaks to the fact that most people are clueless about the psychology of rape and the trauma that it inflicts on the victim.
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Jul 17, 2014 09:30pm
but why someone is not stopping to use this kind of language, is that all when it comes to women. why they are always treated like a slave in our society? when someone abuses by the name of women?
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Jul 17, 2014 10:17pm
Finally someone spoke on this topic. Sexism is found at the very backbone of this society. It is also because of the fact that our religion has been twisted and turned into what Mullahs and Patriarchal men find acceptable. I've heard children playing cricket on the street and coming up with taunts for each other like 'You throw like a girl'. Women are looked down upon society as nothing more than delicate beings who will always need men to protect them. But is our male dominated society protective towards women? Ofcourse not. This country has seen sexual harassment like any other.
If you are 'man' enough why not control your self desires and your lustful eyes towards women? Be a man and protect women around you. That is what it takes to be a man. And for the politicians and diplomats out there. Be a man and introduce laws protecting women.
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Jul 17, 2014 10:32pm
Very well written. Although i wouldnt agree to a point or two, but still you have highlighted some great facts that are bound to be paid attention to. Good job. Keep it up. :)
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Jul 17, 2014 10:37pm
I can not agree more with this. Our society has been brought in a manner that boys will always be preferred over girls no matter what
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Jul 17, 2014 11:34pm
True, I am a woman have faced all of this. Men in our society simply cannot comprehend the conditions of the women. I once brought this up to my brother and his response was similar to all (mostly educated) men; "you live a privileged life, but always keep complaining blaming men for everything". No boy! we are not respected.
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Jul 18, 2014 12:48am
This is a seriously ignored priority. The crime is that of the devolved colloquialism flowing freely and unchecked in our society. Fathers, brothers , friends should take the lead and abstain from resorting to making use of these. It does not prove that you're a 'macho' man of your vocabulary containing profanities is limitless.THINK on that please.
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Jul 18, 2014 12:59am
Thought-provoking and astonishing article. Keep it up.
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Jul 18, 2014 02:02am
Im disturbed at many of the misogynistic comments here. The article was great. People should read about "rape-culture".
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Jul 18, 2014 02:41am
Thank you!
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Jul 18, 2014 02:58am
Not sure why women have to bring themselves into every literal word used by men.
If Germany "gang raped" Brazil means MEN raped MEN without ANY reference to women.
The author clearly needs to pick up a dictionary and see what "rape" means....it has NO reference to the gender involved...and certainly doesn't necessarily mean that rape is only conducted by men onto women!
Additionally when for a sports game the word "rape" is used by one team onto another it is defined as, "to win in such a manner that the losing team feels abused". Brazil certainly did and so did the Brazilian fans! And again...here "abused" doesn't refer to sexually abused.
Dear author, you should really not think sooo deep as to the reference of what men are saying. The average man isn't as sexist as you think he is.
Regards,
An average man.
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Jul 18, 2014 05:00am
I have been in the street for years, but never heard any boy/man using the female dog abuse, It is 100 percent used by women against women. And all other bad words involving sister, mother, etc are never aimed at insulting or ridiculing one's sister of mothers, rather it is always the character or behaviour of that particular man which is targeted.
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Jul 18, 2014 05:45am
Very true and eye opening.. Unfortunately we, as a nation, are below the level of understanding the idea in this article. Terrible blindside in every family.
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Jul 18, 2014 07:01am
Wow...This article is confused and more sexist than the topic.
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Jul 18, 2014 08:29am
According to the English dictionary rape can be "an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside."
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Jul 18, 2014 09:18am
With so much of physical & sexual abuse day in & day out against women in our society it will be a surprising if somebody takes this piece seriously though their may be some substance here.
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Jul 18, 2014 09:40am
This is really a good article it show our conservative mind, which are still stuck. As a human we still caught in the "Gender Differences". we are not accepting the superiority of women.
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Jul 18, 2014 11:08am
I do not understand the reason behind writing this article, giving references of Khuwaja Asif and Tahir Ul Qadri proves nothing, when it comes to strength, toughness and bravery people use masculine phrases but when it comes to finesse and artistic work people use feminine phrases such as ' tum to aurtoun ki tarah khana bana letay ho' which should be taken as a compliment instead of an insult. I guess the writer is being more Sexist here as compared to any other person.
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Jul 18, 2014 11:36am
A good article
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Jul 18, 2014 12:07pm
GOOD but you should have gone into the subject a little deeper
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Jul 18, 2014 12:30pm
Rape is a crime. Period. Using the word as a joke is colorless and stupid. Period. But, Sara, why immolatize (excuse my spellings) yourself (a Pakistani, I expect) for misuse of the R word by the western world, whether in this case or so many others? Are you aware of the use of Skirt in place of bangles in the west? Quite common it is. Telling the other to be a man is a very commonly used phrase in the west too. So stop beating your Pakistani self. Yes, do make a case against crimes against women, but all the woes are not because we are Pakistanis or Muslims. It is purely a men vs women issue so fight it on that basis and you will find me in your corner, always.
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Jul 18, 2014 04:57pm
Sorry, but with due respect this is a senseless article being overly sensitive for no reason.
For example when people refer to a timid person. They say "sheer bano" it does not mean the manhood of that person is challenged. It is figuratively speaking encouragement for the guy to have courage.
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Jul 18, 2014 05:02pm
@Kaleem You don't understand the subtle point she has made.
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Jul 18, 2014 05:24pm
useless article it is,
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Jul 18, 2014 05:44pm
@sss thank you sss
what is wrong with her is that she asked her seniors in family and otherwise and they
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Jul 18, 2014 06:58pm
@salman, this is the point. People speak such offensive language in their every day discourse that they tend to forget the difference between right and wrong.
Would you laugh, mock or take it easy if someone from your house got raped? People need to realize how grave the crimme rape is.
Germany won by Brazil OR Germany raped Brazil. Feel the difference, the word 'raped' used instead of 'win'.
People just use such words metaphorically, so let me ask you a question: why do people use only 'women' in all such metaphors.
These metaphors are so frequently spoken that its normal for us. Why always mock women?
For men its not an issue because it is a woman who is being humiliated, not a man. I know well, if a guy gets insulted or merely gets a 'No' they are the ones who create a havoc out of nothing.
They are so used to it that if someone points out this language they think the other person is wrong. However they forget that they are the ones who need to 'mind their language'.
Kudos to the writer for speaking about this issue.
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Jul 19, 2014 12:53am
We need approximately 35 light years to dispel this mindset of common Pakistani.
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Jul 19, 2014 02:12am
This is the reality, hope such writings open the mind of people who look women as an inferior object no matter how much talented she is and how much she touches the sky. Men and women have their own distinguish qualities that cannot be beaten by each one of them respectively.
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Jul 19, 2014 04:24am
I found this very strange article written by a writer from inside Pakistan. I am not sure that 98% percent of Pakistanis can understand the English word "RAPE", unless the word "RAPE
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Jul 19, 2014 09:51am
It is a thought provoking article indeed. But unfortunately, our society cannot think out of the box. They don't have that level of understanding to realize what is happening wrong and what is happening right. They just don't want the status quo to be changed. Like I can see these commenters they are portraying their typical laziness and quoting whatever is happening is just okay because its happening since day 1. Not every cultural norm is bound to be correct, if it is in Pakistani culture then it should be eradicated, make a stand. But this is what happens if someone speaks about the awkward rules of our society. I am a man and I am ashamed of the fact that I've been hearing such statements yet I never realized it was wrong. I appreciate your point of view that we need to learn which words should be used and which shouldn't be. We need to think before we speak rather than finger pointing on people who tell us the right thing.
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Jul 19, 2014 10:24am
@Mir, can you tell me the percent ofmen raped and the percent of women? Rape cases against women around the world is 99% and for men its just 1 or 2% Ofcourse its a a matter of women if you see the increase in the number of rape against women. India or Pakistan, US or Canada. Around the world you'll witness a great increase in the rape culture. And if you talk about women in Pakistan, we all know its the men who do that to them so hey? its a matter of women. And for those who say the abuse that includes 'behen' and 'maa' is only spoken by women, they should go out in the streets of Pakistan. They'll see how many men speak that abuse.
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Jul 19, 2014 02:12pm
A very good topic to be highlighted..its soo much true how offensive nd weird language we are using these days in order to refer eachother...and how sexism is commonly being used these day in our convesation...i think its high time that we should focus on ourselves like what kind of culture we are providing to our next generation, which is quiet alarming..
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Jul 21, 2014 12:35am
Great job Sara. Indeed, a very well written and a thought provoking article. (Y)
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Jul 21, 2014 03:10am
Hello there,
Sara you have a good post here and the points you have mentioned are really good. The word you have used "RAPE" is interesting but quite hurting for the Brazilian supporters. Very nice comments from all. Thanks
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Jul 21, 2014 12:12pm
Just a waste of time, beta you still have to learn and research for blogging.
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