For an average Pakistani male, the ideal partner is always a tall, fair and slim girl. “Somehow functional brains always feature on the lower wrung of the desired qualities,” says Mrs Sania, a housewife who also moonlights as a match maker.

“But there are boys who want educated wives with decent careers. While their mothers still insist for a younger girl as she would be easy to train/mould,” she says.

Over the last five years that she has been matchmaking in Hyderabad, with her clients being mostly middle class, she says a lot of boys do insist for doctors and MBAs.

“Girls who are doctors or hold a business degree are prized but again age is a factor. If the girls are in their mid twenties, they stand a good chance but once they have been out and about working, arranged marriage proposals don’t come often.”

Fatima Hasan, a banker from Lahore agrees. “My older sister was in her third year of MBBS when we started receiving marriage proposals for her during the mid ’90s. However, most of the families were not keen on letting her complete the education.

Eventually, we did find a match that agreed to let her complete MBBS, but she never did her house job.”

She says it has a lot to do with the false notions of respectability that our society has. “Girls who are doing medicine are considered to be ‘parhako’ [nerdy] and hence docile.”

“Earlier, girls got married at a very young age and even intermediate was deemed a decent qualification, along with the ability to comprehend and communicate in English. But times are now changing and men do want partners who can supplement the family income, and help them earn better, too.”

Narrating her own experience, she says, “I am a headstrong person and over the years a lot of matches came for me but I was rejected on the grounds that I was too upfront when I insisted that I would want to continue working after marriage. My parents invested in me and I worked hard to get decent grades. Why would I want my degree to go to waste?” She says.

Eventually she tied the knot with a doctor, “as he realised that amount of time I spent on getting a decent GPA and building my career from scratch. For him it was a similar struggle, too.”

When questioned as to why he didn’t go for a doctor, her husband Hasan replied, “I met a few girls in college but they were all keen on settling down ASAP. Given that a fresh medical graduate hardly makes Rs20,000 a month, it’s not possible to start a family after MBBS. Also, most girls in my batch simply were there to pass time before a decent rishta came along.”

“I wanted educated girls for my sons. The girls I chose were studying at that point. I did allow them to complete their MBBS but given that no women in our family worked, the girls didn’t do their house jobs,” says Mrs Rafi, who is in her fifties. Two of her sons are married to girls who had completed their MBBS while another son is married to a graduate. Her own daughter went to a private medical college in Pindi but as soon as a decent match came, she was packed off.

“I don’t think it’s a waste of time or money that these girls are not working. For any woman, her first priority is her family. These girls are educated and know what is right and wrong. They can be good mothers to their children,” she said.

A student at Baqai Medical College, Ali says that he would want to settle down with a doctor. “She will understand the hardships for sure. Also, in the long run, I want to move to the US so it makes sense that I go for a doctor, a girl who is willing to carry on studying and working after her MBBS.”

“It’s not as simple as it may seem. Obviously educated men want wives who are presentable and education does play an important part in grooming a person,” says T, an immigration lawyer, declining to get his name published.

“One of the reasons why a lot of boys insist on marrying a doctor is that it increases their points when they are applying for immigration to Canada, Australia and other places. This gives them an edge. Call it a mutually beneficial deal,” he says.

A quick glance at matrimonial ads published in leading dailies does give off a similar impression.

“Seeking doctor girl for our son. Tall, fair, in mid twenties,” read one ad. “Looking for a match for our 40-year-old brother settled in UK. Must be a doctor, specialist preferred …,” read another.

“A lot of these men who went to the US and UK for specialisation return to Pakistan to get married and prefer doctors. It is easier for them to adjust to the crazy hospital routines there. One thing that I have noticed is that a 50-year-old male specialist from UK is a prized possession and ends up getting a younger wife, even a fresh med school graduate but for women that’s not the case. Yet to come across a specialist who marries a young male doctor,” he remarked while recalling how many single female Pakistani doctors in their thirties and forties are looking for jobs abroad as “its easier to live there while being single.”

However, a professor at a teaching hospital said that this practice is a waste of time and resources. “If the only idea is to get a good match, then it’s a pity. In a country like ours where healthcare is in a pathetic state and female physicians are less in numbers, it’s sad to see people using ‘doctor’ as bait. It’s selfishness.”

She says that in her career as a professor she has seen many a talented student drop out of college and get married. “The girls are never happy. Some of them have worked hard all their educational lives to get into medical colleges, only to have their parents push them into marriage.”

She says that proposals are not always career dependent and it boils down to looks, family, monetary and social standing, in the case of boys and girls both.

Becoming a doctor is not easy and a simple MBBS won’t take you anywhere, she says. “A female who drops out in third year can settle down but a boy can’t do that. Also, long after doing their MBBS, the boys struggle to find suitable matches at times and it’s only after they specialise that they stand a good chance of getting a good match,” she commented.

“Matches may not be made in heaven but if we put our daughters down and ‘devalue’ them. We all want good things for them but let them use their brains and be able to stand as individuals who contribute to the society and not be mere ‘roti makers’,” she said.

While female doctors, followed by MBAs do stand a better chance of getting matches, Mrs Sania warns, “At times the girls get so engrossed in studying that they start turning down proposals. I might sound patronising and horrible, but once girls cross the age of 25, it’s hard to find a decent match for them.

“I do have some female specialists, who earn more than the men in their families and are highly respected in society, but getting a match for those girls is a problem because they are in their thirties. There are divorcees and widowers who want to marry them but then again, not many of these girls are okay with the idea of settling down with a man with three children in tow. Why would anyone want to marry a leech?”