How do women do it? I don’t mean the conventional women, but ‘the women of today’; the liberated, educated and empowered women. How do they get through life?

Conventionally, a girl was bought baby dolls and a tea-set to play with. She grew up dreaming of babies and tea-sets until she got married, her fantasy came true, and she lived happily ever after.

Today’s girl plays with doctor sets, aeroplanes and model-like Barbie dolls. She dreams big and her parents dream bigger. In search of her fantasy she attends institutes that provide her the best professional training. She pursues a career and becomes a doctor or a pilot or a designer. But is that all she wants in life? Not always.

Conforming to social norms, a girl soon realises that no matter how qualified she may be; no matter how many degrees she has, society considers her a non-entity untill she puts a Mrs in front of her name. In addition, her parents are desperate to get her married off as well and so the grand bridegroom search begins.

But the search is not easy as few men come up to her and her parents’ standards. Often she is better qualified or is making more money than the groom. Unfortunately the clock is ticking and the parents decide to compromise; mental compatibility and educational qualification are thrown out the window and a mate is found.

Instead of starry eyes and butterflies in her stomach, she reaches her new home feeling disappointed and suffocated. Her groom, being intimidated and feeling insecure, finds it difficult to be the perfect companion, which adds to her frustration. Still she has her career to turn to. She throws herself into work and excels at the workplace. And what does she get in return?

Her husband, getting more insecure, pressurises her to take more interest in the home. While she is struggling, everything comes to an end; there is ‘good news’. Panic strikes. The days that should be spent being pampered, relaxed and taking care of her diet, are spent juggling between work and home, doctor’s appointments and weighing her options. How will she manage?

“Choro beta bohot shok poora ho gaya naukri ka, ab bachay sambhalo” (You have followed your interest, now take care of the children). In a minute the mother-in-law renders her whole life pointless. She feels shattered. If she resigns, her position will quickly be filled by one of the younger people the job market is swamped with. The child will forever be under the burden of being the reason why mama gave up her career.

If she decides to continue her job, she will have two options: leave the baby with nani/daadi or with a maid. The daadi is forever sarcastic and the nani complains of never being done with her responsibilities. In many cases grandmothers also have their own problems and may not be physically active enough to care for a baby.

So she turns to the maid. Finding a woman one can trust enough to leave one’s baby with is bound to be a long and tiresome exercise with many bad experiences in between. Day-care centres being practically non-existent, the woman often has no choice but to give up her career and stay at home. Ironically, in this age of increasing choices, a working mother in our part of the world often has just two options: continue to work and be labelled a bad mother or give up your dreams and passion.

Of course, many will argue that for a mother, there can be no sense of achivement greater than bringing up a healthy, well balanced child. But the question is, why doesn’t the father ever have to make the same soul-searching decision. Even if the husband is earning less than the wife, he is never made to feel guilty for pursuing his career rather than staying home with his kids.

The concept of house-husband is not alien in the West; perhaps it’s time that it also made its way here so that the burden of choice does not rest with the mother alone. Then our girls will know that they can play with dolls and tea-sets and still grow up to be whatever they wish to be.