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Political agent vs. CIA agent

June 12, 2012

Click on images to enlarge.

The honorable tribal court at some secret destination tried a CIA agent captured from a secret location. The CIA agent was produced before assistant Political agent. He was duly sentenced without providing a lawyer for 33 years for assisting CIA to track down OBL who was again hiding in a secret location until the rotten CIA flew from a secret destination and exposed the location of OBL. Later he was duly buried in a secret location somewhere in the Arabian Sea.

But wait…! According to latest news, he is sentenced for having links with Lashkar-e-Islam, a banned militant organisation run by (Mangal Bagh) from a secret destination somewhere between Bara and Tirah. (So please uninstall the previous version of the CIA agent’s sentence and install the latest version of this agent’s crime). Now install an anti-virus software before you see the proceedings of the trail.

Political Agent: Swear on this book, ‘Strategic Depth’ and say that you will ‘tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.’ CIA Agent: I swear by this holy book that I will tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth! By the way Sir, who wrote this book? Political Agent: Mushtaq Aslam Begh Yousafi.

Political Agent: Doctor! Are you working for the Central intelligence Agency? CIA Agent: No My Lord! I work for Khyber Agency. I am an undercover agent of the KP health department.

Political Agent: Did you have any links with Mangal Bagh? CIA Agent: Yes Sir, our great grandparents were relatives and we have historical roots that link us even across the border of Afghanistan. But thanks to the emirates of the Taliban we are now united under Amir Doctorullah Mossad.

Political Agent: Do you accept that you ran a fake vaccination campaign to get a sample of OBL … errr sorry! Mangal Bagh? CIA Agent: Yes Sir, I ran a polio vaccination campaign but Mangal Bagh refused polio drops for his child soldiers.

Political Agent:  Did you visit the American embassy in Tirah valley and meet their CIA chief Mr. Tuesday Garden? CIA Agent: Yes Sir, He sent a convoy of armed escorts to be his guests at his secret destination. My family paid one million for my month-long stay at the five star resort in Tirah valley. It was great holiday. Sir, I assure you that it had better services than even the PC Bhurban Hotel.

Political Agent: Do you know that you were working against the state within the state by spying for a foreign agency … what were you doing in Abbottabad in Khyber agency? CIA Agent: No Sir, I didn’t spy for a foreign agency, I spied for foreign currency, because I thought we are partners in ‘War on Dollars’.

Political Agent: Doctor, what was your purpose in visiting the Haji news Agency, Bara Travel Agency on Jamrud Road? CIA Agent: Umm … Yes only to buy newspapers from Haji news Agency and get a ticket for the United Emirates of Taliban.

Political Agent: What do you read in those newspapers? CIA Agent: Sir, I like to read Anjum Sethi, Fayaz Mir, Alisha Siddiqa, Ardeshir Comaraswamy and Imran Shafi.

Political Agent: That proves your crime. You are sentenced for 33 years! CIA Agent: But Sir, at least give me the 86 years sentence to give a half befitting reply to the enemy! Political Agent: Do you think we are fools to loose 86 million dollars? You deserve 86 years that our sister Aafia Siddiqui got by the United States of Infidels. So in our national interest, I will be quite lenient. Hail FCR.

Now, we wait for the detail judgment of the historic verdict that will strengthen democracy and establish the rule of law in Pakistan. Our opposition leaders are desperately trying to get the location of this court, so that they can file petitions against the ruling of the Speaker of National assembly. They wouldn’t have to hire lawyers and would additionally get rid of the delaying tactics of Aitraz Ahsan.

What use are the courts if they punish convicts only for 37 seconds. Look at the swift justice, without any delays, without any expenses of lawyers, bonds and affidavits. That is the kind of justice the people of Pakistan have been waiting for.


The author is a cartoonist.


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.