Dear Auntie

I am 20 years old and I am in love with a girl for the last four years. She also loves me a lot. On January 28 we had a fight over a very small thing and I realise that it was my mistake, but also her mistake. I want her back in my life, but it is a bit difficult to do that because if I do that I won’t be able to achieve my goals. On the other hand if I go for her then I will lose sight of my goals.

The problem with her is that according to her, girls usually get married at the age of 25. At that age I won’t be earning a single rupee to be able to fulfil my need let alone hers. Even though I don’t need a job to survive as I belong to a business family and we are very well-settled, I want to be a self-made man and for that I need eight years before I would be financially stable enough to marry. I am very confused. What should I do? Please help me.

Stumped

Dear Self-made,

Do you really need to wait eight years before you get married? Why do you foresee yourself as penniless, with no money coming in at the age of 25? You haven’t told me what profession you intend to pursue so I can’t really comment on that, but you do have to agree that after four years of a love relationship, if you tell your girlfriend to wait for another eight years, even the most patient of souls is bound to lose it.

You are asking for a 12-year wait!

While I agree that some form of financial stability is important at the time of marriage, it is not necessary to be truly settled with a villa and a fancy car parked in the driveway.

Auntie is also wondering whether you are trying to avoid getting hitched. Don’t you want to marry your girlfriend of four years before an eight-year wait? Are you sure about your relationship? You need to ask yourself some serious questions regarding your relationship with your girlfriend as Auntie would expect that in love one would move mountains to ‘settle’ and marry ASAP.

Dear Khalajaani,

I am a working woman with two children. My husband divorced me six months ago and married somebody else who is much younger. My friends and family continue to tell me about them and I keep hearing about how my husband and his new wife are going to parties and having a good time. A few weeks ago I heard that my husband got into a fight at a party after getting drunk and ended up getting injured and going to the hospital. He was always a drinker which used to upset me, but that was the only problem in our marriage. After he was hurt I tried to call him and take the children to see him, but his wife would not let us speak to him. My husband has not seen his children since the divorce. He usually doesn’t take the children’s calls and has called about two times since the divorce.

I don’t have any financial problems as I am earning well and we are quite comfortable, so my husband knows that I am not calling him for money. I am just surprised at how he has left his family behind like this and there are many questions in my head that need answering. I want to know how he could throw away his life with us for that girl. I want to know whether he ever thinks about us or remembers us. Will he ever come home? What should I do?

Wondering

For starters you should stop calling that man your husband. He has divorced you and so he is now your ex-husband. You are an independent woman who is bringing up her children and you should have more respect for yourself than to hanker and sigh over a man who is clearly a loser who never respected your feeling.

Please open your eyes to the fact that you were married to an alcoholic who has also now showed you that he is an irresponsible father and immature to the boot. Yes that’s what he was and anyone with a sane head on their shoulders will tell you that you are better off. Your family is whole and better off without this bad energy that was pulling you all down.

Please change the way you remember the past and see it for what it was: a disaster. You were living your life tiptoeing around a loser and your efforts were extraordinary, to say the least. Your family life was never perfect. If you let go of this delusional image that you have of your ex, and see it for what it is, I promise you, you will be able to truly move on.