Dear Batool Khala, I am a 24-year-old girl. I recently found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with a friend I used to be quite close to. My boyfriend and I had a big fight after he cheated, but later I felt bad and decided to take him back. We talked about it and my boyfriend says that his cheating was a mistake and that he will not repeat it. He has said sorry over and over and I believe him when he says he will not do it again. But I am still angry at the girl he cheated with. She was my friend and now I think she is awful and I hate her. Sometimes I want to kill her for doing this to me. I have told my boyfriend about this and he keeps calming me down and telling me to forget that it ever happened, but I can’t. I know that I will end up meeting her because we have the same group of friends. Sometimes I feel like calling her on her phone and shouting and cursing her. What should I do? Cheated on

Dear Wronged, Whoa! Much of the negative energy that you are harbouring seems like it is being misdirected. While you are right to be angry with your friend, you seem to have completely forgiven and nearly forgotten what your boyfriend did. Please remember, no one cheats alone. It takes two to cheat and your boyfriend was a willing partner in the adventure. That is a fact that you have to face. That, rather than the other woman is the most important aspect in your whole story. I think you are basically afraid to be alone and were feeling quite settled with your boyfriend before he went off and smashed your world. You need to re-evaluate your feeling towards him instead of sweeping them under the carpet. And you need to ask yourself some harsh questions regarding his character. You may have forgiven your boyfriend but please don’t forget his transgression, especially if you two are looking to a long-term commitment. You don’t want the same thing to happen all over again and you need to get to know him and his tendencies better before you let the relationship grow any further. Ask yourself what you truly truly feel about the situation and who you are actually angry at, and then take the next step after you are clear about that.

Dear Auntie Agni, I have a huge crush on my friend’s brother. He is three years older than me. My friend knows about this and she doesn’t mind at all. She even gave me his number. The problem is that he isn’t interested. I told him that I liked him and he rejected me. Then I said it was a dare. After that he was acting fine but for the last few days he isn’t replying to my texts. My friend keeps saying that everything will work out but I don’t think so. I really like him and can’t stop thinking about him. Please tell me should I keep texting him or try to forget about him.

Forget him. It’s obvious that he doesn’t care about you or your feelings. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s figured out about your crush as it sounds like you text him quite often. Not replying to your texts means he wants you to stop bugging him. Period. Back off.

Dear Auntie, I have been married for 12 years and have three children. My husband and I have come to the point where we barely talk to one another and don’t get along with each other. We fight over the smallest things and I feel that I am just hanging onto this relationship for the sake of my three children otherwise there is really nothing there. Sometimes I wonder if I can go through life like this, with a husband who I barely get along with. I also sometimes feel like I deserve a better partner and a better relationship. I even consider leaving my husband sometimes but stop when I think of my children and people’s attitudes to divorced women. I feel desperate at times and think I will go crazy. Crazy

Dear Not Crazy, Of course you shouldn’t go through life like this. Just because you are a parent does not mean you shouldn’t think about yourself. And to want emotional intimacy with someone is a natural feeling. I suggest both you and your husband have a chat about how important staying together is for both of you. You should then see a marriage counsellor who may be able to help you get over this patch (assuming it is just a patch) in your relationship. Ideally with counselling, things should work out for the two of you, however if they don’t at least you know that you tried.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to auntieagni@gmail.com