This may be the aftermath of a piece I read recently (in Dawn, April 25, 2010) titled 'What women want'. However, a plethora of ideas started running into my mind and I truly gave in to the ideology that heck what was Cartsomin, Devey and Mathews thinking when they produced the movie What women want starring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt. It would take a lot more than hefty wads of dollars to even act a part complicated to this degree of actually trying to understand the never ending lists of 'wants'!

Thanks to Eve for cajoling Adam to bite off the apple, else our lives wouldn't be half as exciting in terms of the exhaustive list of wants! I remember when I was a school going kid, my father would make me watch My fair lady and I still recall Rex Harrison as Professor Higgins singing on the Piano to Audrey Hepburn,

'Why cant a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historically fair.
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Why cant a woman be like that?'

Today, almost four decades later, I can empathise with Mr Higgins' predicament after reading the article of 'What women want'. The list produced there was somehow made in a hurry, because it left out amongst other things super human tendencies of 'mind reading', 'interpreting words such as 'fine', 'no thanks I'll manage', 'whatever' and trust me this list just never ends! Oh and of course the calibrated answer to 'have I become fat' either way a 'yes' or 'no' answer- is a sure shot recipe for disaster!

As a spokesperson for my victimised male counterparts may I take the liberty of presenting my next to non-existent wants. If I may proceed, I would like to state in total agreement that of course men shouldn't compare women (in addition to wive(s) with their mothers. However, all I can say to this is that may the revered author attain the exalted position of motherhood and the status of mother-in-law at one time with the speed of lightening and then endeavour to re-read (or possibly would want to re-write!) her piece!

Included in our negligible list is sparing us from women's convoluted thinking that if we are at a party and having a conversation with the opposite gender, doesn't mean we are beginning an instant affair with her! I mean is it our fault if she flutters her eyelashes at us while in conversation!

Also the intrusive questions such as 'Why are you wearing a pink shirt to office today' or 'Why are you dabbing so much cologne today, who are you meeting today?', 'For whom are you matching your hankie with your tie, shirt, socks' and God knows what next! Have women not heard of something known as dressing for success or good grooming!

Oh not to forget, men are free from hallucinating about in-laws hysteria or phobia. We have transcended the politics of 'mother-in-law said this' and 'father-in-law did that'. We have risen above the trivialities which women hold central to their mortal existence — an institution which results in obsessive compulsive disorder — 'the in-laws'! Since every female possesses the propensity to being a 'mother-in-law' in future, why cannot they recognise it as a 'global institution' and begin to respect it.

Please also note that we don't have elephant memories to debate endlessly an issue which happened, got discussed, done and over with a decade back or worst before Christ! Or let's put it this way we have elephant memories but we just don't choose to use them! (especially when angry!)

Ladies, please bear in mind that if we sit and admire actresses or models on the celluloid screen it doesn't mean we are going to elope with them! It's just nature which is being appreciated. You ladies could do the same, who ever stopped you at all! Even after spending hours before the mirror (that doesn't thankfully lie) emptying all the 'compacts' and mascaras' etc. if you still don't resemble Katrina or Priyanka, whose fault is it — certainly not ours!

By the way did we mention how completely devoid of intellect and irksome do those soap operas get when during prime time news or sports programs the tv remote gets hijacked to link back to the 250th episode of the 14th generation of Ekta Kapoor's drama! Wonder does that compensate for the 'chick flicks' and inability of catching the twenty twenty match! Also there is one thing that I have not been able to figure out to date. Why is it that all the good habits of the kids are taken after the mother and all the bad traits are a legacy from the father! Can it ever be the other way round?

Having said that, may be women need to invest in the book 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus'. Much as they would yearn, we men cannot speak Venetian. By the way before signing off I'd just like to say....no one cooks like mom! Stay happy ladies!

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