Dear Auntie,

My biggest problem in life is my home environment. My parents have had a very difficult married life and we have never really known peace as a family. The five of us live in one small room, without even a window. There is almost no privacy or personal space.

Our financial situation has always been difficult. All three of us siblings are studying at university. Whenever we raise concerns, my father’s response is usually, “Allah will provide.”

I mean, he could at least provide emotional support, but no.

‘I Want to Escape My Difficult Home Life’

There is constant tension, arguments and criticism at home. My parents compare me with girls my age who manage the entire household. I do help at home, but I am still expected to do more. I have been in survival mode since childhood and have faced physical abuse from my father, but no one considers how much this has affected my life.

I am closest to my mother. I desperately want to build a separate home for us — not because I want a luxurious life, but because I want privacy, peace and our own space.

I am going to be 21 and currently earn nothing. My final year has started and I constantly worry about what will happen afterwards. As a young woman in Pakistan, I don’t know how I can realistically earn enough to have a separate home for us. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and hopeless that I want to die. I would not take my own life, but these thoughts show how mentally exhausted I have become.

How can I realistically become financially independent and eventually build a home for my mother and me without depending on others? And how do I make sure I don’t become a bad person? I don’t know if I can continue to be loving and kind.

Overwhelmed

Dear Overwhelmed,

You are thinking about a separate home when you have not even started earning, which is why the whole thing feels impossible. So don’t try to build the house first. Your first goal should be financial independence.

Since you are entering your final year, you could work towards something you can earn from. Look at what you are good at and what people will pay you for. It could be writing, designing, teaching, tutoring, social media or any other online skill that can become a source of income. Start developing it now, even if your first payment will be a small one. At this point you don’t want to make big money; you simply need to get your foot in the door.

It is also important not to make your mother’s future entirely your responsibility. Wanting to give her a peaceful home is a beautiful goal, but your whole family’s burden is not yours to carry at 21. First, build yourself a stable life, then work towards the life you want. Just remember that financial stability is not likely to happen overnight.

You have lived through years of tension. Despite that, your family does not get to decide what kind of person you become. You already know what you don’t want. Keep your kindness, but also learn to have strong boundaries.

I also do not want to overlook what you said about wanting to die. Even if you are sure that you would never do it, simply having those thoughts means that you are overburdened. Please, I urge you to tell someone you trust as soon as possible.

Finish your degree, build a skill, start earning and save. The home you are living in today does not have to determine the life you have tomorrow.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, September 20th, 2026