Dear Auntie,

I am a 27-year-old female. I love a guy but my family is against him because of his financial situation. He comes from a village but lives in the city and has a job. My father has received a marriage proposal for me from one of our affluent relatives. But I want to marry the person I love. And his family knows about me and approves the marriage. But my family is hesitating.

Recently, the person I love told me a girl confessed to him that she loves him. He has known her for quite a while now. He says that he told her about him getting married, but she is willing to be his second wife. He told me that he blocked the woman after that conversation. Disturbingly, he also asked me about my thoughts on second marriage and whether it is wrong. When I told him that it is wrong to marry someone at the expense of your family, he agreed with me and kept telling me that I am the ‘only one’ for him. He says he never met that woman and she was an online friend. But this has deeply shaken my confidence.

At the same time, I have been accepted at a university in Germany. Being from a conservative background, he would want us to have a nikaah, but my family will not agree unless both families meet. I am also reluctant to tell him about my university admission, because it might also end our relationship.

‘I’m Unsure About the Man I Love’

Even though I think his finances won’t permit it, considering what he has told me about the other woman, I am worried that he might get remarried once we tie the knot. If that will be the case, I wouldn’t want to be invested in him any further. He also has my pictures and chats, and I worry about the consequences of leaving him. But as far as I have known him, he does not seem like that kind of a person. Plus, I have his pictures too.

Doubtful

Dear Doubtful,

The issue here isn’t really the other girl, it is that this man — with whom you are thinking about a future — is talking about the idea of a second marriage. Maybe he was only telling you about what happened and wanted to know what you thought. Maybe he was testing the waters. You cannot know what he was actually thinking, and that’s why you shouldn’t brush your feelings aside.

Tell him calmly that what he said has made you uncomfortable and that before nikaah, you need to understand his position on second marriage. Don’t accuse him of planning to marry someone else. But do ask him, “If we marry, do you think you may want a second marriage in the future?” He needs to give you an honest response.

And don’t let his finances become your barometer for judging his faithfulness. A man’s income does not decide whether he will want another marriage. His understanding of marriage does.

Someone having your pictures and chats should not be the reason to be trapped in a relationship with them. You don’t think he is the sort of person who would misuse them, and I hope you’re right. But from now on, be sensible about what you share. Keep copies of anything important and don’t send any more intimate pictures or messages that you don’t want to see anywhere else.

Finally, please don’t compare him to the proposal from the rich family. You are not choosing between a rich man and a poor man. You are choosing a life partner. His character, how compatible you are, financial responsibility and your expectations from marriage are what matters.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, August 30th, 2026