Hello Auntie,

I am a bachelor temporarily living in Hyderabad — away from my family — to prepare for a competitive examination. I am experiencing fear and feel that I am in a ‘do or die’ situation.

Although my parents belong to a middle-class household, they have never hesitated to spend large amounts of money on me throughout this journey. The expenses are high, including hostel fees, tuition, library fees, food, maintenance and other necessities.

I know how my parents limit their own expenses to bear mine, and that thought is deeply distressing for any son to carry. Their expectations of me are high, which leaves me in constant fear. If I fail to achieve the expected results, how will I face them?

Most of the time, I remain preoccupied with thoughts about the outcome. In the end, these thoughts only intensify my fear and anxiety. I would be truly grateful for your guidance in this matter. I have read many of your valuable suggestions in newspapers, and I greatly admire your insights.

Weighed Down by Expectations

Dear writer,

To constantly think about ‘what if I fail’ is a fear almost everyone preparing for a competitive exam has felt. The issue here is that you have turned your parents’ sacrifices into a debt that only an excellent result can repay. But that’s not how parental love works. When they cut their own expenses to pay your hostel fees, they are basically saying that they are behind you all the way.

There is another side to this, though. In many of our families, if you don’t succeed, parents may be disappointed, and might compare you with others or question you about how you prepared. While that can be painful, it doesn’t mean your life is over. Parental disappointment is one chapter, not the whole story.

Right now, though, you’re thinking about the disappointment before it has even happened. Instead of spending time imagining failure, please focus on preparing for success. Also, work on managing your fear, because it is likely to affect your exam preparation. For now, every time the ‘what if I fail’ thought creeps in, tell yourself, ‘I will worry about this at 8pm for exactly 15 minutes,’ and then do exactly that. However, until 8pm, focus on the day’s study session, not tomorrow’s outcome.

Beyond this, sit your parents down and discuss your fear with them. Many of us protect our parents, thinking we’re being strong for them. But telling your parents that you are scared and need their prayers will do a lot for your heart. Also, find someone else who is in the same boat. Sharing a cup of tea with someone who is sitting for the same competitive exam, even just once a week, will help you feel less alone.

At the end of the day, remember that you are not on a battlefield fighting for your life. You are sitting for an exam, trying to build your life. So, prepare to the best of your ability. Give it your all and then let the result be what it will be.

And remember, despite the pressure, your parents do not see you only as the sum total of your mark-sheet. If, despite your best efforts, things don’t go according to plan, don’t disappear in shame. Face your parents honestly, learn from the attempt and decide your next step.

And if the fear becomes too overwhelming, please speak to someone close to you or a counsellor.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, July 5th, 2026