Dear Auntie,

I’m a 26-year-old woman. When I was 17, my elders got me engaged to my paternal cousin, who was 19 at that time. We lived in different provinces then and barely talked. But, with time, we developed a deep bond. I began to trust him, and respected his presence and guidance in my life.

Then last year, our elders developed grave misunderstandings during our marriage settlements, leading them to break off our engagement. Within a month, his father — my father’s elder brother — got his nikaah done to another cousin from my family. I was in utter shock. I severed all ties with him. And I didn’t react in front of anyone, as I have a habit of bottling up my deepest feelings.

Two months ago, my paternal grandfather passed away. This tragedy broke the ice between the two families and interactions resumed. Then, my cousin confronted me and blamed me for not even trying to save the relationship. He said that he would have not gotten married if I had stood by him.

My side of the story is that I chose to go quiet because the tension between our families was very palpable. Any word could have led to a bad outcome. But I had hoped that, after five to six months, things would get easier and our elders would move towards a natural patch-up.

‘Should I Explain Myself to My Former Fiancé?’

Now, I face a moral dilemma: should I tell him my truth — about how I suffered and endured the pain quietly? Or would this conversation result in further complications, instead of closure, especially now that he is married.

Silent Sufferer

Dear Silent Sufferer,

Let me get to the bottom line right away. This man is now married and that changes everything.

What happened to you was painful and unfair. You were young when circumstances spiralled out of control and everything collapsed without your voice being heard. Your silence was your coping mechanism and so you did what you thought would prevent things from getting worse.

The problem is that this man is now trying to rewrite history for his own peace of mind. When he says things like ‘I would not have married if you had stood by me’, it sounds like he is trying to shift responsibility on to you for a decision that, at the end of the day, he made.

Telling him things from your point of view might feel like it’ll help bring closure, but you need to ask yourself honestly… who is this closure for?

If you keep revisiting the situation, it’ll simply reopen painful wounds. And for him, it will almost certainly complicate his marriage. It is not necessary to have every conversation. And this particular conversation is especially not necessary.

You already know what you felt, what you went through and why you stayed silent. If you speak now, it can create emotional complications with a married man, even if you are only trying to gain clarity. And trust me, an entanglement with a married man is not a path you ever want to go down.

Close this chapter now and protect yourself from entering a needless mess.

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 29th, 2026