Dear Auntie,
I have been in an online relationship for more than three years. The first two years were superb and amazing. This was my first relationship. He is currently in the UAE. We met through an online job and I have never met him in person in these three years.

Last year was bad for us, as we had a lot of fights and disrespected each other. We gave each other space for six months but, later, he tried to reconcile. But those six months were so bad for me. I got emotionally shattered and mentally disturbed. I took a lot of wrong decisions, which made my life worse. I am admitting this about myself because I am an extremist. I still love him a lot and I can’t hurt him.

Currently he is in Pakistan and asking to meet. On the one hand, my heart is broken and, on the other, my heart wants to trust him again. I am very confused. He belongs to another sect. I even hinted indirectly to my parents that I want to marry this person, but my father won’t allow me. Now I am confused about what I should do. Should I meet him or stay silent? I feel my brain has stopped working. He is going back to the UAE and wants to meet me before going. Please help me to find the solution.
Will-I-Trust-Again?

‘Should I meet my online partner of three years?’

Dear Will-I-Trust-Again,
Three years is a long time to be in a relationship without having met the other person. You should make an effort to meet him while he is in Pakistan because, sometimes, things can be different when you meet people offline. You may think you know a person through your online interactions, but may discover new things when you meet in person. So, it is important to meet. If you do decide to meet him, make sure it is in a safe and public space. Trust your instincts. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, prioritise your safety and leave.

As for relationship issues…they can be emotionally draining, so you should consider your feelings and wellbeing. Take some time to reflect on the impact the relationship has had on your emotional and mental wellbeing. Is it really a healthy and supportive relationship?

Have an open conversation with him about your concerns, fears, and expectations. Talk about the issues that led to the conflicts in the past and see if both of you can reach a mutual understanding of what went wrong. Also, use this conversation to establish clear boundaries for yourself. Think about what is acceptable and what is not and communicate. If the relationship is causing you a lot of distress and confusion, it might be useful to seek guidance from a professional counsellor or therapist. They can provide an unbiased perspective and help you work through your challenges. A word about therapists, though. Please find someone who is qualified and comes with a recommendation. Lately, Auntie has been coming across far too many people parading as therapists, many of whom could likely cause more harm than good. So be careful and know that finding a therapist is a process.

Family approval is important, and if your father has concerns about the boy’s sect and your relationship in general, you have to understand his perspective. Consider having an open and honest conversation with your family about your feelings and intentions regarding this relationship and open the discussion. At the same time, keep an eye on the future. Think about your long-term goals and aspirations and think about whether this relationship aligns with your vision for the future.

If you find that the relationship is causing more anguish than happiness, it may be worth considering whether it’s in your best interest to continue. Ultimately, the decision is yours, and it’s important to make choices that align with your values and bring you fulfilment.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 10th, 2024