In the middle of a nasty father-son verbal battle in producer-director Sangeeta’s Sirf Tum He Toh Ho, one notices something odd and fascinating: Danish Taimoor and Sajid Hasan’s flaring nostrils — and boy, do they look uncannily similar.

At that moment, Taimoor’s character — Noor — is spurning his uber-rich dad’s millions; all he wants, he says, is love. He misses his dad, and later vows to be a better father to his soon-to-be-born child. But really, the only thing that commands my attention are the actors’ very apparent noses, framed in tight close-ups by cinematographer Khalid Riaz.

Getting to this beguiling part of Noor’s story takes will and perseverance. He is a spoilt rich kid who fancies his college’s recently-hired librarian named Roohi (Qurat-ul-Ain), a spectacle-wearing, no-nonsense, middle-class girl.

Being the dashing hero, Noor is also lusted after by his sultry, lascivious rich friend played by Mathira — who singlehandedly gives Sirf Tum He Toh Ho its A-rating (really, what are the censors — and the filmmakers — thinking, adding revealing, see-though wet shirts and beachwear in a family film?).

Director Sangeeta’s Sirf Tum He Toh Ho may have been a sufferable idea 15 years ago, but even then the script would have needed a re-write, and a better cinematographer, editor and director

In the spirit of the early ’90s, the leads fall in love, marry, and then give the middle finger to the unsympathetic patriarch and his millions, hoping to make do with what they have: a small house, the wife’s meagre salary, and lots of love.

This part comes well after the intermission and, even with the ham-fisted mawkishness on display, some of the latter half of the movie is bearable to sit through.

By then, one has already made peace with the movie’s shortcomings after braving bad editing, worse dubbing (dialogues are added to characters who aren’t speaking), unskilled lighting, inexpert, out-of-focus cinematography and hearing-jarring, abrupt snippets of background music cues. Frankly, in some cases, fledgling film students could have done a better job.

Danish Taimoor and Qurat-ul-Ain (who previously acted in Sawal 700 Crore Dollar Ka) have simple roles that do not require backbreaking research or deep insight into their characters. The two simply show up and deliver lines. In the latter half, when the plot shifts away from their college, we do find a smidgen of appeal and realism in the couple’s dilemmas.

Sooraj Baba, who previously wrote IshqPositive, may have had a good idea that might have been sufferable 15 years ago — but even if made back then, the script (provided there was one) would have needed a re-write, and a better cinematographer, editor and director.

Published in Dawn, ICON, July 28th, 2019