Dear Wise Auntie,
I am 25 and was engaged to the love of my life. Now we have broken up and I find it very painful. My fiancé was a wonderful man. His only problem was that his ex had cheated on him and he was very insecure. He wanted to know where I was every minute of my life. Once I went out with a few friends and a friend called a boy who used to like me a long time ago, to join us. My fiancé found out and got really angry. I told him that I didn’t call the boy, it was someone else, but he didn’t believe me and eventually ended our engagement. My parents don’t know what happened and are still wondering why the engagement ended. I am having a hard time forgetting my fiancé. He was the love of my life. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.
Heartbroken

Dear Saved,
Auntie knows you are hurt and having a hard time moving on, but the best thing that has ever happened to you is not your engagement; it is your break-up. Imagine a lifetime of explaining where you are and what you are doing even if you step out for coffee with a friend. Imagine a lifetime of being nervous and anxious, when the ‘wrong’ person walks into a party. Imagine a lifetime of explaining why you smiled at some other man or spoke to him.

That your fiancé was cheated on by someone else is not your fault. You did absolutely nothing wrong and you should not have to present proof of your innocence. A lifetime of having to explain yourself and your every move is pure torture. It is a sign of an abusive marriage in which you are being controlled by someone who cannot keep his thoughts and emotions in check. That it ended is better in the long run. It’s a blessing.

My ex-fiancé was insecure but I am finding it hard to get over him

Salam Auntie,
I am a 16-year-old girl. The problem is that I’m highly insecure. I feel I’m not particularly pretty, as per social standards. I’m a little overweight and — even though I’ve tried dieting — I’m a food-lover who finds it hard to resist carbs. My complexion is darker than what is considered to be a beautiful skin tone and my face is ridden with acne. All this has made me insecure, nervous and socially awkward around people.

I don’t feel confident enough to walk with my head held high or become prominent in any school activities, even though I have several co-curricular interests. I can’t even make any friends; I just know my schoolmates as acquaintances. Sometimes I try to focus on the things I’m good at, such as academics and poetry, but I feel I cannot accomplish anything without confidence and self-esteem. Please help.
Insecure

Dear Girl,
While your insecurity is understandable, isolating yourself is not going to control your acne or your weight. There is no magic pill that can eliminate acne but it can be mitigated. Get an appointment with a dermatologist and start drinking lots of water to reduce the level of toxins in your body.

Also start eating healthier, adding fruit and vegetables to your diet. Veggies that have high-water content such as cucumbers, green leafy vegetables and orange/yellow ones such as carrots are generally good for your skin. Eating more vegetable should also help you cut down your weight.

Despite the messages about beauty and perfection we receive every day, the fact is that most people prefer people with interesting personalities rather than good looks. If someone is shallow enough to dislike you because they think you are too fat or dark or ugly, trust me you do not want to hang out with them. If you are kind and thoughtful to those you meet, a lot of them won’t even think about your acne. It would also help if you have a friend with whom you can talk to about your struggles.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, June 25th, 2017