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THROUGHOUT history, humanity has been guided by the prophets of Allah through their exemplary lives. Most prophets led a family life. They were fathers, tasked with the care and responsibility of their august families. They inspired their offspring to lead righteous lives and contribute to society.
The example of Prophet Ibrahim is excellent in this connection. His sons were most obedient and distinct in their love for their father. They remained faithful to their father in all circumstances. Similarly, the Prophet Yaqoob had 12 sons. Initially, there were differences among them; the elder brothers — out of sheer jealousy — threw their younger brother Yousuf in the well. This was agonising for their father, but in the end they reconciled and sought forgiveness from him (12:97). Their father forgave them and advised them to walk on the righteous path.
Another great example found in the Holy Quran is of Luqman (Surah 31). He advises his son about how to lead a righteous life. His advice can be a base for our entire education system, as it encompasses guidelines about spirituality, ethics and humanism par excellence.
The Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) role as a father particularly stands out because of his brilliance in nurturing his daughter, Hazrat Fatimah Zahra. It was due to the training and involvement of the Holy Prophet that made her a glittering example for all women of Islam.
Within the home, the father should set an example.
Generally, the father is the linchpin of the whole family system. He lays the foundation of the family. Most children are considered to take after their fathers. In fact, the father leaves lasting marks on the lives of his children. The father is the head and carries the responsibilities to meet the family’s requirements. This includes breadwinning, provision of a conducive environment, supervision and crisis management. Regarding breadwinning, the father is supposed to work hard to provide for the family’s physical, economic, educational, psychological and spiritual needs.
The father has been given special responsibility. The Holy Quran says: “O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families, a fire whose fuel is men and stones” (66:6). Therefore, every father should feed his family through legitimate earnings. This will turn his children righteous and increase his respect and dignity. Conversely, if he feeds his children through illegal means, the result would be highly unfortunate. The family will never oblige nor return his love as illegally gotten livelihood would turn his offspring unruly.
The father is also to provide an enabling environment where each family member may have equal opportunity to actualise his or her inherent potential. The father is the key societal figure who can make a difference. He sacrifices his today for his children’s tomorrow. His treatment should reflect his deep solicitude for his children.
Within the home, the father should set an example of caring and helping by participating in housework personally and encourage every member to do the same. He should motivate them to interact, cooperate and work together, make room for each other and care for each other’s needs. It is said that the Prophet used to help his family in many household chores such as milking of goats, patching clothes, and cleansing of utensils etc.
With regards to supervision, the father should be a director-like figure in the family. It is said by the wise that when children are under five, the father should cuddle them, when children cross the age of five, he should act as a monitor and when children pass the age of 10, he should get along with his children.
Besides, the father also addresses issues when the family is confronted by internal or external challenges. He should also set examples of regular prayer, honesty, integrity and truthfulness in day-to-day dealings. He should also encourage his children to be honest and pray regularly. No father should expect truthfulness or good behaviour from his children unless he himself sets an example in this.
Presently, we live in a changed world, where hundreds of avenues are open for children to go astray. In rural areas, the rule of the stick still prevails and kids are treated little better than animals. Many fathers use harsh methods to control them. However, children who get thrashings stop respecting their parents and begin to resent them.
Modern civilisation is waking up to the realisation that the true progress of humanity depends upon balanced parenting. If the mother is like a shady tree to protect children from the glare and heat of the sun, then the father is a bulwark giving security to his children. Children deserve to be rewarded for doing right things, but errant behaviour should not go unnoticed. However, punishment should not consist of beatings that damage the children’s self-worth, but a mild rebuke that brings improvement in behaviour.
The writer is an educationist with an interest in religion.
Published in Dawn, October 9th, 2015
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