Praise does wonders in overcoming hurdles, exiting mazes, climbing ladders, optimising effort, and most importantly, bringing a smile to your lips. The attitude, belief and perspective of an individual can be the decisive factor in what he or she will achieve and praise gives these a boost, enabling one to soar higher.

While teaching in class, I have often felt that a child’s comprehension and grasp depends a lot upon the way I phrase my words. Speaking positively opens doors to understanding, learning, bonding and most importantly, vision. On the other hand, speaking negatively closes doors to all of the above, hurting and harming the child’s confidence as well as inhibiting his mental growth. While praise is important throughout life, it is needed the most during the school and college years. That’s when maximum learning takes place.

Furthermore I feel that we, as parents and elders, take praise very lightly. Generally, we feel that praise is just a few beautiful words said relatively emphatically, which is sufficient. However, the child of today is not only extremely intelligent but also very observant. A three-year-old may not have read various psychology books but would know all about voice level, tone, body language, etc. He knows when people actually mean what they are saying.

Though a certain amount of false praise is also needed to boost confidence it should be used with tact. Here I’ll relate an incident which took place a few days back, when I praised my six-year old son, though not very sincerely. He looked me in the eye, winked and casually said, “You are praising me because you want me to do better and because I am small.” Needless to say, I was flabbergasted.

Following is an incident which opened my eyes to the pyschological impact created by using negative words. In this case, the lady had approximately 35 years of work experience. She has been delivering speeches since the past 30 years and always does an exceptional job. By nature she is extremely bold, dominating and confident. I was with her just before her going up to the rostrum, and offhandedly pointed out certain minor errors in her work to her and I was aghast when she actually closed her reference notes and hung her head down, saying, “I just can’t do it.” It took a lot of coaxing and cajoling for her to actually agree to give the speech.

As parents and teachers, we usually use negative words not to hurt the child but mostly because we feel that the child is capable of better performance and that he will stand up to prove himself.

This may not be the correct strategy.

Children mostly need plenty of praise and encouragement in order to bloom. When a child pulls out a drawing made at school it is insufficient to just say, “Wow, what a beautiful drawing”. We need to come to the level of the child, establish eye contact and assess the picture. Asking about the colours used, the reason behind making the various pictures, explaining how improvements could have been made and then praising the effort as well as the picture. Hence, whether we are parents or teachers, when we are specific about what we are praising, the child gets the message that we are really paying attention and are interested.

We mostly use verbal language to praise but can also use body language in the form of tactile gestures such as patting.

However, praise can easily turn to pressure especially if it is not used in the right way. To avoid this we should try to use phrases like: “You should be so proud of yourself”, “I am proud of you”, etc. This is simply because it would make the child feel he has to keep on doing things to impress you and he’ll be constantly looking up to you for validation. Also, children are rational. They do not expect to be praised for everything they do. However, it is we as adults who are tempted to take shortcuts and manipulate them with rewards instead of explaining and helping them develop the needed skills and necessary values.

Furthermore, it is essential to praise the effort because it is the trudging uphill task which requires a helping hand of praise. Once the peak has been reached and the world is at your feet, praise really isn’t needed as much.

So nurture your child with praiseworthy praise while helping build up his self esteem, making him feel loved, appreciated and inspired. Trust me, it works.

The writer is a school teacher.