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Failure and victory

Updated May 23, 2013

—Illustration by author
—Illustration by author

We thought our wait was over but apparently that doesn’t seem so. Promises were originally only made to the public, but now, clandestine promises are being made to those who previously weren’t promised anything. Yet it is imperative now that certain things be promised to them. Outside, you can say whatever you like but inside, you must always obey the General Sahab. Incidentally, the word ‘general’ has two meanings in English and our politicians are answerable to both: the one without and the one within. There are so many generals in our country that they themselves have become the public.

Everyone is waiting for other things and not paying any attention to the upcoming budget. It seems that those who had taken it upon themselves to proclaim the much-awaited end of inflation will now only rest when it has increased tenfold. An end to loadshedding was promised by them flippantly in the heat of the moment. How truthful their other promises were will be known to us soon enough. At present, all promises made to the people must be kept aside for the time being, so the politicians make promises to each other. Whether or not they fulfill the former, any promises made to each other must be fulfilled. A new era of reconciliation is about to begin. The promises they made to you are truly dear to them but one cannot govern without the cooperation of other parties and politicians. In order to obtain their cooperation, one must keep them all happy at all times. You know how difficult it is to complete five years in power.

The winners are the losers this time. Therefore, they are subduing their happiness towards their victory and are instead just yelling about their failure. Victories and failures have been strange this time; nobody is happy with their lot; no one won or lost in entirety. Mian Sahab not only had blessings of the living pirs, but was also protected by the Saudis. That is why the generals visited him personally to offer their felicitations. Now the distances between Raiwind, Model Town and the GHQ are going to decrease, while the Nine-Zero shall continue with support of the Bilawal House. The only problem is that a situation of ‘Hum to doobe hain, sanam, tum ko bhi le doobeinge’ shouldn’t arise.

—Illustration by author
—Illustration by author

Those who declared Karachi as their personal property also dreamt of ruling the entire country by nominating candidates from across Pakistan. But forget the whole nation; even Karachi seems to be getting out of their hands now. There is still time for them to assuage the city’s wounds. Peace is the only way now; the city has had enough of riots and unrest. Best they stopped behaving like step-sons towards their own city. The public isn’t scared anymore. So if they do the same again, the present victory will turn into future failure. One cannot win hearts with anger and hatred, only compassion can do that. For God’s sake, understand this now because there won’t be another chance.

The claimants of change ended up choosing the lota who was a minister in most of the previous governments. Regarding their alliance with the Jamaat, everyone knows that they are one and the same, just like we have always seen them. Both prefer justice and have a soft corner for the Taliban. Let’s see what happens now. Will the drone attacks end first or the suicide bombings? At least, one of these must end or the change would just remain a dream.

Mr. President is about to withdraw from his presidency, wishing he had resigned before the election so he wouldn’t have had to see this day. But he would still have had to see this day! This is what happens when you manage your party like your home. Be thankful that the destitute, besieged people of Sindh helped you to retain some of your reputation, or you couldn’t have shown your face anywhere. You still have time, by the way, to stop running your party like a household and focus on the party itself. Also, stop making more empty promises and try to fulfill the ones you already made to the people before someone holds you accountable for all your past transgressions. Hold yourself accountable or you won’t even be visible on the scene next time. There’s one more thing you should remember: it’s time you stopped accommodating your friends, or you’ll lose everything in the process. What you did in Punjab is now going to happen in Sindh. But don’t forget to rule Sindh from Sindh, not the Presidency or the Bilawal House.

—Illustration by author
—Illustration by author

The remaining Leaguers, independents and those who got votes in the name of saving Sindh are slowly beginning to join the PML-N. The talented cousin of Bhutto has already lost everything. Let’s see what price he gets for these many sacrifices. The independents were only independent because that carries the highest price. And Mian Sahab is a Sheikh that returned from Saudi Arabia so he won’t disappoint at all. Our book-wielding Maulana, born with a dream of becoming the prime minister someday, will settle for the chairmanship of the Kashmir committee. He must get something, if not in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, then in the centre and Balochistan.

What has been done to Balochistan is something that shouldn’t even be done to an outsider. It seems like Balochistan isn’t even a part of our country. Call this election by any name you like; call it a name that’s probably allowed under your self-made laws. But why call it election and poke fun at the poor masses? You don’t even consider them worthy of the democracy that you’d accept in the rest of the country. You had one chance, but lost it. Who becomes a member of an assembly by winning 500-600 votes? Were all these harbingers of change and the Sharifan-e-Punjab sleeping then? If they can’t see it now, how can they see it when they finally sit on the throne? As we all know, when a person sits on the throne, it doesn’t take too long for them to become blinded to the ground realities.

Our redcaps, who steadfastly maintained their position until their last breath, have still not lost. Their failures ultimately became their victory because they will go back to their people and begin working at the grassroots level like always. Let’s see what the bombers are going to do now. What orders will be given to them? The drones won’t stop. Whether the governments are at the centre or in KP, they are all of their choice and are eager to hold talks with the bombers. Now let’s see what demands these bombers put forward. I hope they aren’t eying the presidency and governorships!