When I was a kid in the 1970s, I remember Pakistan’s state-owned TV channel, PTV, used to keep playing a catchy song about Pak-China friendship.
It went something like this: ‘Pak-Cheen dosti wang woye, wang woye, wang woye, wang woye, Pak-Cheen dosti zindabad, zindabad, zindabad, zindaabaaad.’
The words ‘wang woye’ were in Chinese and were the Chinese equivalent of the Urdu word ‘zindabad’ (long live).
What amazing days they were. And what’s more, a bowl of chicken corn soup at Chinese restaurants was not only cheaper but tastier as well.
Some say that was because the Chinese restaurants used pieces from desi Pakistani murghis (chickens) and not from the ones cloned in those inhuman/inchicken poultry farms that sprang up across Pakistan in the late 1970s.
Meat from desi chickens being used by expert Chinese cooks was one of the true reflections of Pak-Cheen dosti (Pak-China friendship). It is the unique chicken corn soup that you can still get from Chinese restaurants in Pakistan that has made the Pak-China friendship so great, legendary, and, well, unique.
Recognising this, the United States tried its utmost to stick a spammer in the relationship between Pakistan and China. It tried to do this by introducing the evil science of chicken cloning in Pakistan. Chicken cloning really became popular among the country’s naïve poultry farmers because it was cheaper to maintain, compared to raising healthy desi chicks.
The US Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger (also known as Ace Fernley), first visited Pakistan in 1972 right after the country lost a war against Bengali terrorists in former East Pakistan – a war, one must remember, in which the US did not help Pakistan during and which India claimed it won.
Only China came to our rescue. As the US imposed an arms embargo on Pakistan and while the Bengali terrorists were being armed by India that was being armed by the Soviet Union that was being armed by the communist wing of the Illuminati; China sent an army of 77,000 chefs to Pakistan who prepared zabardast, delicious giant bowls of chicken corn soup for our troops. Yum.
Most Pakistanis had tears in their eyes. Cynics said it was just the chilly sauce in the soup, but the truth was, it was this beautiful gesture by the Chinese during the bloody war that made us so emotional. After all, it was a war in which so many true Muslim Pakistanis of West Pakistan were brutally slaughtered by East Pakistani terrorists.
Impressed with the way West Pakistan so successfully got rid of the troublesome and useless East Pakistanis, Ace Fernley arrived for a secret meeting with Pakistan’s new premier, Zulfikar Ali Babutto.
After congratulating Premier Babutto on the conduct of the Pakistan army and its people in their war against Bengali terrorists, Ace unravelled the real purpose of his visit: China.
Conscious of the growing relationship between Pakistan and China – and jealous of the fact that Chinese food at US Chinese restaurants pretty much sucked – Ace asked Babutto to help US start a dialogue with the communist Chinese regime to neutralise the global communist threat being faced by the world from the Soviet Union and an obscure tribe deep inside the Amazon forest.
Babutto agreed and his government helped kick-start talks between Chinese premier, Zhou Ajinomoto, the Chinese Communist Party Chairman, Mao Something-Tung, and Ace Fernley.
The secret talks took place in a comfy little corner of the Great Wall of China and both the parties – the third party, Pakistan, was sent on a sight-seeing tour – agreed to tackle the Soviet menace together.
It was also decided that the Chinese will share its Pakistani recipe of chicken corn soup with the Americans in exchange for 15,000 Levis bellbottoms for the members of the Chinese Communist Party.
Ace Fernley thanked Premier Bubutto for arranging the historic first contact between US and China, saying this has also strengthened relations between Pakistan and the US. Premier Ajinomoto of China too thanked Bubutto saying, ‘the soup can now only get tastier.’
But relations between the US and Pakistan began to strain when in 1974 India managed to construct a nuclear device. It was a nuclear powered toothbrush. It was proudly exhibited on the Indian media by the Indian premier, Prem Chopra.
Prime Minister Bubutto promised the Pakistani armed forces that he will do anything in (and out) of his power to make sure Pakistan too had a nuclear toothbrush. For this, he assembled a team of top Pakistani dentists, one of which was a young man called Dr. No.
Concerned about the concern of its friend Pakistan, the Chinese government sent 60,000 Chinese dentists to Pakistan. Though none of them really helped Pakistan build a nuclear toothbrush, they did end up putting a lot of Pakistani dentists out of work.
This made Dr. No very angry and he began calling Bubutto an atheist and someone who preferred fried frogs legs over fried chicken wings. Dr. No decided to leave Pakistan and travel to Holland.
Meanwhile, the US, through its moles and squirrels in Prime Minister Bubutto’s garden, got to find out about Bubutto’s plan of constructing the nuclear toothbrush. Ace Fernlay asked China to caution Bubutto. The Chinese government did caution Bubutto – but in Chinese.