Dear Auntie,
I am sick of my mother-in-law: she’s very loud and while talking it seems as though she is shouting. Her voice gets on my nerves all the time.

Secondly, she is fond of hoarding items such as 25-year-old clothes, partly broken dinner sets, old wooden items, faded 15-year-old curtains, etc. She doesn’t want to throw or give away anything. I don’t know how to handle this situation. I have always lived in a very pleasant environment and a tidy home. She doesn’t want us to move or change the furniture. Please help me.
Very disappointed lady

Dear Bahu,
Living with the in-laws is almost never easy. You are bound to get on each other’s nerves. However, at the same time think about the pros of living together with the family. The biggest benefit of living with the in-laws is the money you are saving on rent and the support you are likely getting. For instance, your mother-in-law probably has a system running in the house, so you don’t have to worry about household matters too much.

‘I am sick of my mother-in-law’

Ideally you should focus on the positive, bond with your husband and get to know him better.

Also learn to pick your battles. There are always going to be things about your in-laws that will annoy you. Only speak up if you have no choice. For instance, if your in-laws don’t knock on the door before walking in or if they open your cupboards and drawers without your permission, you can tell them to stop politely.

However, if your mother-in-law is hoarding things (and they are her things?), I would suggest you let it go. It is her house and she is attached to her things. Your territory is your room and you can make it as pleasant as you want. You can also change the setting of your room as often as you please. When you have guests take out your own crockery and use it. However, if this living situation is still bothering you, convince your husband to move out.

If that is not an option, you may want to focus on building your life outside the home. Could you start working? Or take a class that you always wanted to take but never had the time to before you were married? Consider doing that, rather than staying home and getting irked with how your mum-in-law keeps her house.

Dear Auntie,
I love a girl who is younger than me and is currently working at a media house. I want to marry her but people say that she is not a good girl; they say this because of her job. Please tell me what am I supposed to do now?
Want to Marry

Dear Grow Up,
If you have decided you are in love with this girl, why are you going around getting other people’s opinions about her? Do they know her more than you? Do you know her at all? Also saying that girls who work in media houses are not ‘good’ (what does that even mean?) or have a questionable reputation is the same as saying ‘All Muslims are terrorists’ or ‘All Pakistanis are corrupt.’ That kind of judgment is unfair and simply not true. Anytime anyone says “All Pakistanis…”, “ All women…”, “ All men…”, “ All Sindhis … Balochis … Punjabis … Pathans … Mohajirs, etc” you need to understand that the statement says more about the person saying it, than about that group of people. People will surprise you with how frequently they break stereotypes.

I suggest you forget marriage to this girl for the time being. Not because she is ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ but because you need to grow up before you take a life-changing decision such as marriage. You definitely need to be surer of the person you are in love with. You also need to have the confidence to trust your own judgment before you take a decision that requires a clear head and maturity.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, May 21st, 2017