• 869th Amendment: The colour magenta will henceforth be known as khaki.
• 914th Amendment: Bonuses for Cliftonian bankers to be determined solely on the amount their bank has paid in fines for money laundering and corrupt practices that year.
• 987th Amendment: All martial arts to be turned into martial crafts by next Thursday.
• 992nd Amendment: It is the state’s responsibility to ensure that any doctor, banker, IT technician and marketing executive who wishes to become a political analyst on television is provided with an opportunity to fulfil his/her dream.
• 1004th Amendment: The rich shall inherit the earth.
• 1005th Amendment: The meek shall be encroached upon for not owning a 300-kanal residence.
• 1010th Amendment: Every Ciftonian government servant is allowed to be given an extension in their tenure provided the extension notice has been drafted by a competent legal adviser.
• 1025th Amendment: No individual who has ever worn a uniform — this includes, but is not limited to, all school children, airline crew, private security guards, fast food employees, traffic constables, and all front desk employees of five, four and three-star hotels — to ever be considered or, god forbid, labelled a traitor by any court of law.
• 1026th Amendment: Any court wilfully indulging in the above will be taken to task by the highest court in the land for defaming a seditious patriot.
• 1027th Amendment: If, under any inexplicable circumstances, the highest court in the land itself indulges in the above, it will be taken to task by the leading fertiliser manufacturing corporation of this blessed land for defaming a seditious patriot. The verdict tweeted by the proprietors of said fertiliser corporation will be considered final and irrevocable.
• 1035th Amendment: The colour green will henceforth be known as the new khaki.
• 1036th Amendment: All old-style print journalists will be provided with one-way tickets to the blues.
• 1037th Amendment: No ordinary Cliftonian will be forced to wear Reeboks if he/she prefers to wear Adidas to work. Footwear brand equality will be enforced under all circumstances.
• 1125th Amendment: Starting January 22, 2020, there will officially be 27 colours of the rainbow.
• 1239th Amendment: All mangoes not originating from the blessed lands of Mr and Mrs Anwar Ratol will be charged with sedition and crushed, pulped, and destroyed without so much as a by your leave.
• 1449th Amendment: Orange will henceforth be the new khaki.
• 1623rd Amendment: This amendment is an integral part of a “piece of paper that can be thrown in the dustbin.”
Farid Alvie was born. He currently lives.
He tweets @faridalvie
Published in Dawn, EOS, January 12th, 2020