CLIFTONIA: COMING SOON TO CLIFTONIA
As heat, humidity and the dreaded sattu make their unwelcome presence felt in these summer months, truant teens, stray animals and hard-working investment bankers frequently find refuge in the cool environs of multiplex cinema halls across Cliftonia. Hollywood and Bollywood release their summer blockbusters and wait to see which of their offerings prove to be the season’s biggest box office draw.
Not to be left behind, Collywood (the capital of Cliftonia’s film industry) has its own share of new titles waiting to stake their claim on the box office this summer. Eos takes a look at some of these forthcoming releases:
THE GODFATHER IV
Director: Kamran K. Kappola
Genre: Action, Drama, Rom-Com
Cost: $100 million
Length: 15 minutes
Studio: Warner’s Brother Anjum (WBA Studios)
This action-packed short feature is a highly sophisticated offering that moves from serious drama to surreal romantic comedy as soon as it ends. The story revolves around a patriotic, revolutionary Cliftonian stock broker who wants to defy the status quo by taking his wife and daughter on holiday to Viareggio, Tuscany, rather than to San Vito lo Capo, Siciliy, where his family has owned an 11.5 million dollar benaami property since the golden development decade of the 1960s. The film focuses on the protagonist’s mental and emotional struggle against the family establishment and his deep desire to chart a new path for the average, ordinary, middle-class, dual-national Cliftonian multi-millionaire yearning for a new holiday destination.
Here’s a quirky list of Cliftonia’s own upcoming movies to hit the screens in 2019 … it’s looking to be a big year
REVENGERS: ENDGAME
Director: Brig. (retd) Bobby Kurosawa Khan
Genre: Cinema Verite, Suspense, Action, Murder Mystery
Cost: $65 billion
Length: 70+ years
Studio: 20th Century Cantt
This glorious offering is one the world’s most enduring feats of film-making. It is the story of one patriot after another putting at stake the lives of his fellow countrymen for the sake of his glorious vision. Every so often, when the evil soldiers of the dark side make an appearance and try to regain control of the battleship HMS Constitution, the uniformed forces of good unleash their magnificent powers to pummel, pulverise and vanquish the traitors using nothing but the righteousness of their cause, their honest-to-goodness intentions, their gentle bazookas and their peace-loving tanks. As the evil-doers are removed from power and honest baby dolls installed in their stead, all of Cliftonia’s true patriots breathe a sigh of relief (while cosily ensconced in Canada) and express their deepest gratitude to the revengers for once again ending that dastardly sham of a game.
LAWRENCEPUR OF ARABIA
Director: National icon and hope Nazir Jr.
Genre: Docu-drama, farce
Cost: $6 billion
Length: 90 minutes… no, 100 minutes… no, six months… no, no, we can’t decide yet!
Studio: His Master’s Voices (HMV Studios)