Composed by Saad Arifi
The following statement has been issued on behalf of the Office of the Supreme Leader of the Inherently Righteous Republic of Cliftonia to all media entities:
“The Ministry of DisInformation, the Ministry of the Rights of Those Who Purport To Be Human, and the Ministry of Haberdashery, Brunch and Other Extra-curricular Activities have taken strong exception to a post that has gone viral and is incorrectly being used by unpatriotic elements to cast aspersions on the integrity and disposition of the incumbent administration and the glorious elements that comprise it.
“The post, which mainly consists of a list enumerating the early warning signs of fascism, has nothing in common with the government’s mode of functioning, and is being used unfairly to describe the proclivities of the State. Written by Laurence Britt — a man the government is convinced has never once set foot on the shores of the Republic of Cliftonia — the list mentions 14 symptoms that signal a society’s tilt towards fascism. Mr Britt compiled this list after studying seven fascist regimes, including those of Messrs Hitler, Mussolini and Franco. Needless to say, it is obvious that only a liberal-fascist would have wasted so much time on such frivolous research.
The innuendo that the Righteous Republic is lurching towards fascism is nothing but a slur
“To prove how utterly ridiculous any contention that says Cliftonia might be guilty of exhibiting some of these signs of fascism is, we share a few from Mr Britt’s list to prove how they do not apply to our republic:
“#Sign — Fraudulent elections: By the grace of the Almighty, our glorious republic underwent the most transparent, free and fair elections ever conducted in modern history, as a result of which the most popular government in the history of the universe was elected to power. Not even the most rabid political adversary of the current government has questioned the integrity of these elections. So there!
“#Sign — Obsession with crime and punishment: Unlike previous regimes, this administration has — for the first time in our history — completely removed itself from the process of accountability and left it to the totally independent accountability bureau to prosecute those it deems worthy. Not a single member of this government has even thought of the word punishment, let alone speak of it. If you don’t believe us, feel free to check any of our dear leader’s public announcements since assuming power. So there!
“#Sign — Corporate power protected: There has not been a single instance of the rich and the powerful’s encroachments (and tax avoidance) being regularised by the authorities … not a single one! So there!
“#Sign — Rampant sexism: The recently held International Women’s Day marches were a resounding success not so much for the pseudo-liberal women that marred the proceedings with their vulgar placards but for the fact that, despite these Westernised and self-hating traitors ever-ready to malign our culture and national identity, many male television anchors, columnists, religious leaders and social media gurus exhibited exemplary levels of acceptance, tolerance and grace towards those asking them to find their own socks and warm their own meals. So there!