BEFORE I read her book or heard her speak, I was prepared to hate Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s chief operating officer, and scoff at her leap into feminism. A New Yorker profile in 2011 left the impression that she thought women who lagged in the workplace didn’t work hard enough. Sandberg is a very wealthy, privileged woman. What does she know about levelling the gender playing field?

As it turns out, quite a bit. Sandberg’s book Lean In, published next week, is meticulously researched, with her first addressing the “chicken and egg” problem of gender inequality: the chicken being that “women will get rid of the external barriers once we achieve leadership roles”; and the egg of needing “to eliminate the external barriers to get women into those roles in the first place”.

Sandberg declares that both are crucial, and after detailing the many structural impediments women face and saying she supports the efforts of feminist policymakers, makes clear that the purpose of this book is to address the chicken. She writes a call for women who need policy change but also need to make their lives better now, telling us that we can take a seat at the table, expect more from men, and stop beating ourselves up for not “having it all”. Sandberg’s book essentially gives us permission to be pushy broads. And the world needs more pushy broads.

She encourages women to work with what we have in the here and now. In addition to the barriers erected by society, women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves.

We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, not raising our hands, and pulling back when we should be leaning in. We internalise the negative messages we get throughout our lives — the messages that say it’s wrong to be outspoken, aggressive, more powerful than men. That’s as feminist a message as any, which is why the Lean In backlash from feminists has been so depressing.

Will more women at the tippy-top of our institutions of power and influence mean more woman-friendly policies and increased gender equality generally, as Sandberg suggests? I don’t know. There are so few women in positions of power that all of them are by definition outliers, and their actions aren’t indicative of much. But the more that powerful women exist, the more normalised female power becomes. And the normalisation of female authority and influence is good for all women.

Which is why I’m glad Sandberg is speaking out. I’m glad she’s using her platform to help give women the tools to succeed. Women today receive startlingly mixed messages about success. Barbie might be a doctor, but women can’t “have it all”. Women face very real barriers, men are given very real unearned benefits, and these are collective social problems.

Advocating for ourselves, taking risks and staying in the game may not always work out in exactly the way we want, but it’s better than shrugging our shoulders and waiting for The System to change itself. — The Guardian, London