Dear Auntie, I’m 16 years old and my problem is that I am a very goofy, jolly and bubbly person. I joke and talk a lot, but it’s just my nature that I become too frank with people. For a time it’s great, but after a while I feel people don’t value me because of the way I am. When they have nobody to hang out with, they choose to pass time with me, but as soon as they find someone else they find ways to say goodbye to me. The new people I meet usually find me weird because I am hyper bubbly.

I am confused, I tried to change myself and be a practical and serious person, but I just can’t. I laugh it off and then again regret being different from others. Why can’t I just be normal with people? Why am I too jolly? How can I change myself? Is this change worth it? Confused

Dear Transform, The change is worth it because the way people are treating you is beginning to bother you. Always keep in mind that how you behave in front of others will cause them to see you a certain way. If you are always lying, no one will believe you when you tell the truth, if you are always brash, people will see you as unpleasant and boastful and of course if you are always bubbly and fooling around, people are likely to see you as the court jester: someone who will do anything for attention, including degrading themselves. So yes, you have to make a conscious effort to stop being bubbly and funny all the time.

To begin with if you want to be taken seriously you will have to cut down on how much you talk. Before you open your mouth, think twice about what you are about to say. Think about the impact your words will have and avoid cheap jokes and sarcasm. If you simply cut back on how much you talk, people will start taking it seriously when you do have something to say.

To be taken seriously you also need to behave in responsible ways. If you are working with someone or if someone is counting on you to do something, do it properly and follow-through on your promises. Similarly, accept responsibility if and when you make a mistake.

And finally be humble. If every time you open your mouth you end up talking about how brilliant you are, people will not take you seriously nor want to know you.

Dear Auntie Jee I am a 30-year-old guy. My parents got separated when I was six. I am currently living with my grandma and aunt. My father remarried when I was 10. My stepmother is quite good and loves me a lot. My two sisters are living with my mother and we have a good relationship.

Four years back, I fell in love with a girl, and we had a close relationship with each other (physical) and after one year we got engaged based on conditions by her and her family that I would not maintain any kind of relationship with my mother and sister. It has been three years and I have fulfilled my commitment. Despite all this, now my fiancée is suspecting me of having an affair with other girls which is not true at all. I have cleared her fears a number of times, but every time she brings up some new girl’s name. This has been happening consistently since a year.

Moreover, my sister and my mother have contacted me as my sister is getting married in the coming month. I have a strong desire to do as much as I can, but my situation doesn’t allow me to do all this. My fiancée and her mother once even asked me to leave my own father and grandma and we had a big fight and the matter was sorted out somehow. I know that relationships without fights are of no meaning, but at least that fight should have a little bit of sense.

Now, I am very tired of this situation and even feel like breaking this relationship. Even if I think about continuing this, I am afraid of the future. Afraid

Dear Gut-feel, You could swear upon your mother’s life and promise to have your eyes gouged out if you were lying and you know what? Your fiancée would still not believe that you’re not cheating on her. Being jealous has nothing to do with love. It is all about the jealous person’s own insecurities, fears and their need to control and play power games.

Next time she accuses you of betraying her, change things around a bit and do not give an explanation. Do not try to convince her because by doing that you are only feeding her jealousy. Let her know that you are contemplating leaving her if this continues. Let her also know that you intend to keep meeting your mother and sisters. You shouldn’t have agreed to that condition and any relationship built on such unreasonable demands doesn’t deserve to exist. No matter how dysfunctional one’s family is, dumping them at the behest of a partner is almost never justified.

Auntie also feels that your girlfriend is using the fact that you two have been intimate as a ruse to obligate you to marry her. The fact is that she is an adult and knows exactly what she was doing. Just because you are a man doesn’t mean that the onus of this is on you.

Yes, people in relationships do argue, but relationships are not just about arguing and providing explanations. They also provide sustenance and you don’t seem to be getting any. Put his marriage on hold for a bit. Throw caution to the winds a bit and meet your family, work on your self esteem and see how things go. Auntie hopes you find a healthier relationship. n

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to auntieagni@gmail.com